Tag Archives: stressed

Eliminate Unnecessary Burdens through Two Questions

I got 30,999 problems, but you won’t be one…

30,999 unread emails, that is…

I am (pretty) good at scanning through my inbox of newsletters and marketing for businesses I still want to receive, even if I rarely open them, to find and read your emails, but I am not good at deleting those newsletters/marketing emails when I’m done or not interested in even opening them!

Subpar Solution to Perfectionism

I used to be super stressed out by the number at the top. I’m a perfectionist who was so overwhelmed by the ideal, ended up living in subpar messes. It was like if I couldn’t do it to perfection, why try?
That’s not a great approach! I have been slowly over time letting go of perfectionist ideals, thus enabling myself to raise my levels to a “normal” standard of excellence. I’m still working on this in some areas, but overall it has been a wonderful process to get out of extremes and into the healthy zone.

Does it REALLY Matter?

In this email scenario—who really cares if there are thousands of emails in my inbox? Deleting them can feel like a burden lifted, but why feel like having them there is a burden in the first place?
We have enough burdens that really do need attention, to make every other little thing such a cause for stress!
 
I will take some down time watching a movie to mass-delete by sender (a handy feature!) but only because I want to, and not because I HAVE to. It’s no longer driving me crazy. Why should it?
 
There is something to be said for keeping perspective on what really does and does not matter.
 
I hope to take what I learned here in seeing more clearly, letting go, and keep improving my priorities elsewhere in my life to eliminate unnecessary burdens, so I can focus on what really does need attention!

Identifying Unnecessary Burdens

It only takes a clear-headed moment and honesty to identify what really does or does not matter. Ask yourself:
  • Is the actual thing hurting me (or someone else), or is it just my perception around that thing that is hurting me?
  • If I don’t handle/change/address this, what will happen?

Just stop for a second. Relax. Get a clear head and ask those two questions. Be ultra honest in your answers and watch unnecessary burdens drop like flies.

Reconnecting with Self – 1, Technology – 0

Confession time.

I have made a wonderful life for myself. I get to LIVE and WORK in the same fulfilling lifestyle practices that used to be “just a hobby.” I get to do Kung Fu, live it, teach it. I get to study Universal Law, live it, teach it.

But since experiencing and leaving my abusive marriage, dealing with the aftermath, and in the last year experiencing abuse triggers, and other challenges, I have developed a strong resistance to deeply connecting with myself.

Even though I teach and practice chi kung, Tai Chi, and other meditative practices regularly, I have subconsciously been careful to keep it towards the surface.

I have a hard time doing other activities that used to bring me so much fulfillment as well, like reading, creating art, and more.

This bothers me. I have noticed it, and have “wanted” to change it, but haven’t fully jumped in.

Even though this year I have started to revive my art in my down time and picked up a book every so often, my resistance has persisted, keeping me from truly getting back to that place of fully embracing and experiencing my deep self.

At the beginning and end of the day, the times in the past reserved for myself, to set my day up for success through meditation and gaining clarity, and the evening relaxation before a great night’s sleep, I might engage for a moment, then “save myself” from getting too connected with myself by turning to my Galaxy S4. I spent too much time checking email and my business and personal social media accounts, and playing logic and word games, which were easily “justified” because I have always enjoyed challenging my brain in that way in the past, but not at the expense of being one with myself and one with the Universe.

None of these activities are bad, but when I use them to avoid myself, it’s a big problem. Who can relate?

Not only have I been overusing technology, I have been completely aware that I have been doing to it avoid being present with myself.

…Until recently when my phone when on the fritz.

Technology Loses and I Win
(Thank You Universe!)

A couple of weeks ago, my Galaxy S4’s SIM card started disengaging, forcing me to restart my phone, and it became more and more of a problem. At the same time, my phone stopped charging, or would charge sporadically. I had to save my battery, so I could no longer use my phone to keep me away from myself.

So I took Napoleon Hill’s point to heart, where he mentions that opportunity often shows up as misfortune or temporary defeat. Yes, it seriously disrupts my business and ability to serve my clients to not have a fully functioning phone.

But my desire to fix my problem had grown. I had started making art again, and other activities, I just wasn’t consistent enough on a daily basis, so the Universe recognized my desire and gave me a little boost.

As I took steps, the Universe responded.

The first night without my phone, I was lost for a minute, but then in the spirit of fulfilling what I was asking of myself and the Universe, I got grounded. I gently climbed into bed, pulled my kitty close and just sat quietly, listening to the sound of the ceiling fan and Charlie’s purring.

After a few minutes of just “being,” I looked over at the dusty stack of books on the nightstand, and grabbed the top hardcover, a Christmas gift from a student last year. I had begun reading it right away last year and loved it! But couldn’t finish it due to that intense resistance to myself. I removed my bookmark and started over. Fresh. With my true self re-engaged.

Now I am a reading machine, just as I had been in years past! It’s never really about us changing, but about removing what isn’t us, and setting the real us free.

Between these amazing physical and Kindle books, spending more time reflecting and meditating, enjoying the outdoors, and knowing it is okay to reconnect, I am proving it is true. It’s a beautiful phase and one I hope never to lose again.

More Peace. More Productivity.

My experience, and similar experiences of some of my clients are the inspiration for the next Inner Circle group coaching program, where we create both greater self-connection and inner peace, while boosting our productivity in whatever responsibilities we have.

Peace often comes with thoughts of quiet, calm, and freedom, but we all too often let all of our responsibilities and stress about how we’re not as productive as we should be stop of for taking a moment to recharge so we actually can be more productive!

At the same time, the term “productivity” can bring a frantic visual to mind, due to its high energy requirement, so we don’t even really want it. We know we gotta, but we aren’t looking forward to it.

Enough is enough. We are going to take both of those aspects of life, and, as Bill Murray would say, “Kiss them on the neck,” and find that sweet spot where we’ve got both going on like a boss!

At the time of this posting, we’ve got an amazing pre-registration special, so go take a look at the program (it’s over the phone, so you can call in from anywhere!) and get in while the price is hot! TanishaMartin.com/innercircle

 

 

 

Rising Up: Raw, Unscripted, Uncut

It All Started When I Decided to Grow in a Big Way

They say, “New level, new devil.” Every time you have a breakthrough, you are thrust onto a new level, along with that comes greater awareness of what’s wonderful and what’s not so much… It doesn’t matter if you’re a single mom with two kids making minimum wage, or Ivanka Trump launching her new jewelry line, everyone struggles with stretching and growing. Both experience fear and anxiety over their next levels. I’m not comparing the level of consequences of failure in these two examples, but I am reminding us that what we go through is universal.

I am working on some things that I am not going to spell out yet, but suffice it to say it’s scary as hell for me—someone whose first 28 years were spent depressed and self-hating, someone who has lived in her car, someone who has been in an abusive marriage on many levels, and has made so many mistakes in the past I am still working on fixing some of them.

But I have also come to achieve so much. I have pulled myself up and become a 5th degree black belt Associate Master in Kung Fu, and I’ve helped women and men with their personal development through the kung fu school I now own and through my coaching practice.

No matter who or where I am, though, every time I stretch myself, a whole new can of worms opens up to try to stop me. As much as I wish it wasn’t so, this is actually to be expected. This is part of our subconscious’ job—to keep up safe and on familiar ground. And it’s our job to say, “Thank you, but no, thank you—I’m doing this anyway!”

Here’s where I was last Thursday morning. Actually this is a little after “where I was.” I was completely down, distraught, bawling my eyes out, alone, and unsure what the hell I’m doing. But I’ve been through that enough to know I can’t stay there. I resisted pulling myself out of my funk for a couple more hours, and while I still couldn’t imagine coming out of it at all, a thought popped into my head to make myself come out of it for you. For anyone who might be comforted or encouraged by watching my experience.

What follows are four videos taken throughout the day illustrating exactly how I kicked my own trash to get back to where I wanted to be emotionally and energetically to finish out the day strong. I’ll be analyzing my progress in terms of the 5 Simple Shifts to Live the Life You Love NOW.

The entire experience as well as the videos themselves are 100% raw, unscripted and uncut.

 


Video #1—Fear, Doubt, and Worry
10:03 A.M. 6 min. 3 sec.

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

1—Sparrow: Truth and my BIG WHY

I didn’t catch this moment of pure gold until I watched the videos later. I was describing why I was upset, albeit vaguely, but notice where a CLEAR shift occurred…

At 3:36, as soon as I started to say I was afraid the message wasn’t important enough, or that I wasn’t the right person to share it, I couldn’t even let those words come out of my mouth. Because I KNOW the message is needed, and I know I’m supposed to be on this path to share it. I could lie to myself about me, about not being good enough, but not even my deepest fears could trick me into doubting what I knew to my very core.

When it came to my “big why”—what’s driving me to do stretch in this direction in the first place (the undeniable drive and pull to pursue this path for the benefit of others), I completely, and naturally, shifted and turned a corner.

This reflects the spirit of the Sparrow in recognizing and honoring the divine desires of our hearts. (Ties in to the Crane as well—reaching outside of ourselves.)

 


Video #2—Already Feeling a TON Better!
10:18 A.M. 3 min. 16 sec.

I took this shortly after the first video, after I noticed how much better I was already feeling!

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

Further analysis of the efficacy of Video #1:

2—Sparrow: Unashamed About Who I Was in the Moment

I acknowledged and shared some of my pain and worry without shame. (Hello! Unshowered, no make-up, puffy post-bawling eyes mess!)

This is especially hard when we feel like we have to be completely put-together in the eyes of others—as a life coach and kung fu master, I definitely feel that pressure. While I believe we should put our best foot forward, there are times where we can do more for others by showing the other side of our picture as well.

3—Crane: Decision Time—Get Out of the Funk

I couldn’t stay in that funk forever, and it had certainly been long enough. Against my own resistance, I decided to get out of my head and refocus on helping others.

4—Mantis: Take Immediate Action on an Opportunity

In this case, an opportunity popped into my head, “Why don’t you chronicle this process for your audience?” Oh yeah, I knew that was a crazy idea—so crazy it just might be worth it…

Not only was I taking action in the acute issue I was experiencing in the moment, but I was taking action toward my larger goal of sharing personal development methods and inspiration for others. How effective will this be? I have no idea, but it has been a unique and wonderful experience for me, and I hope something will be of value to you.

I immediately got my phone and positioned myself to be recorded via the camera mirroring thing where I can see myself mirrored back at me. But…

5—Tiger: Nothing is Going to Stop Me

I HATED the way I looked. There was NO WAY I was going through with this insanity. I threw the phone.

“Hello, circumstance trying to stop me. Welcome to the party.”

But I couldn’t quite let it go. The idea came to me for a reason, even if I don’t have a clue what that reason is.

After about 5 minutes of entertaining my feeling ugly and ashamed, I got the phone again and simply tried a different angle and moved the lens further away. I still didn’t like it, but I could live with it. I guess. I hit record and you saw the results in Video #1.

 


 Video #3—Truth Seeker
12:50 P.M. 6 min. 13 sec.

(I got a phone call as I was signing off, which abruptly stopped the recording.)

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

6—Sparrow: Self-Care

Made myself feel better on the outside as well by simply showering and doing my hair and makeup.

7—Mantis: Joyful JuJu Kit—Truth Seeker

Took action on another opportunity I had at my fingertips—happiness exercises from my Joyful JuJu Kit, created just for this purpose—to help lift you up when you are down.

In the Truth Seeker exercise, I laid out all of my fearful thoughts on the left side of my paper. On the right side, I addressed each item and replaced it with the real truth.

Examples directly from my list (the truth matches with its respective fear):

Fear:

  1. I’m not good enough
  2. I always fall short
  3. I have to do it alone
  4. No one will save me and I can’t save myself
  5. I should give up.

Truth:

  1. I am called to do this. I HAVE to do this. Therefore I must be good enough.
  2. I have done the best I can and am now becoming excellent.
  3. I have a TON of support to draw from.
  4. The whole point of it all is to LEARN to “save myself.” I am exactly on track and right where I should be.
  5. I should push through because everything I want and need is on the other side of my fear!

8—Monkey: Have Fun!

I took what started as a terrible day and did a crazy thing by videoing myself, plus I really enjoyed the fun activity I picked from my Funk to Fabulous list. :)

 



Video #4—Fine Art & Martha Stewart
4:18 P.M. 5 min. 14 sec.

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

9—Mantis: Joyful JuJu Kit—From Funk to Fabulous

Thoroughly enjoyed my Mary Engelbreit’s Home Companion magazine and some cuddly time with Charlie. (Ties in to the Sparrow, because time with my cat and the magazine are directly fulfilling to me, and the monkey because it’s fun, bright, and creative!) See my pick-me-up list here on Facebook.

10—Mantis: Accomplishment, the Cure for Depression

My sense of urgency soon kicked in and I couldn’t wait to get to work and get a ton done. It turned out to be a fully productive afternoon! (Ties in to the crane as well, in doing work that affects others and the tiger in charging head-on. In fact, none are mutually exclusive from the other, every truth and facet of our lives intertwine with every other truth and facet.)

 


Aftermath

Since then, I have had some wonderful experiences that really stood out as a result of my pushing through.

Some of my students helped man a booth I purchased to vend at a fair to benefit Sarah’s Home, a place for women and girls to safely recover from having been trafficked. I was able to get everything done I needed, even though I only got three hours of sleep before a 6-hour kung fu day! It was wonderful to have such great support, though, since I couldn’t man the booth myself due to the special breathing and meditation class I was teaching.

In that class, I had a specific moment of awareness that I was still resisting being seen, and I had to admit I truly don’t want anything to hold me back. That was when I knew without a doubt that I needed to share these videos.

Yesterday, I was interviewed by a journalist and PhD candidate who is doing a year of research on porn and human trafficking. I shared some things I’ve never told anyone before about parts of the abusive marriage I was in, specifically details on the extreme porn addiction he had and his sexual abuse and manipulation toward me. This was my first experience sharing some details that will inevitably come to light, and I was very well supported and can see even more clearly how my story will benefit others. (Visit 150Husbands.com to learn more about my memoir and get a copy.)

And last, but not least, I received a flood of appreciation sent to me, the kung fu school, my experiences, and my coaching. It was very humbling and made me feel so honored!

I would love to help you kick your own trash and jump all over your next goal, whether you’re in a rut, or just want some extra support to ensure you get there!

Please join me and others like you DESIGN YOUR EMPOWERED LIFE with Tanisha Martin, beginning in January.

 


BONUS 11—Monkey: I Love Art!

Here are the two art pieces I was talking about in Video #4, both my first ever completed portraits, which my clients loved!

First work with soft pastel ever:

Pastel Baby

First watercolor portrait:

Watercolor Couple

You can see more in my personal Facebook Art Commissions album.

I have gotten better since these two very first ever completed portraits, but now I don’t create much art anymore. One of my goals is to complete my next life and business foundation, then free up some hobby time so I can play with my art. :)

Overcoming Anxiety In Those Out-Of-Comfort-Zone Leaps

Another Level Up In My Personal Development, Via the Radio!

UPDATE: Check out my available radio segments posted on my web site.

If you’ve been following me on Facebook, then you might have read that I was interviewed yesterday for my very first national radio show interview! I knew I was going in this direction in a real way when I started making clear steps last fall, and I have been laying a cleaner personal brand and coaching program foundation.

The only problem, is I’ve never done this before. I don’t know anything about it, other than the fact that I’ve heard a radio show… Thank goodness my big “why” is strong enough to keep me going, stretching, expanding, and getting the hell out of my comfort zone! And thank goodness I signed with an awesome manager to walk me through the media and PR stuff.

The First Time is Always the Hardest

That’s what they say, anyway, and it seems to be true with everything else I’ve experienced… But with radio, I’ve only had the first time, so I’ll let you know after my second time if that’s bull-honkey!

 

Anticipation Nerves

I’ve been prepping my web site and social media, my blog posts and programs, and capitalizing on my drive to move forward and make a difference. I knew the day would come that I would actually be recording the show. At least my first time wasn’t live!

My nerves started creeping in a few days prior—it was like anytime I remembered, “Oh, yeah, I am going to be on a national radio show,” I started to have a gripping fear. I was able to breathe deeply and calm it down each, because I knew I was going to do it no matter what, so I might as well not freak out. Success.

“The Thing Itself” Nerves

Then came the actual interview… We recorded three segments, and for the first one, I was way more nervous and shaky than I thought. The producer told me today that it had to be scrapped! But no harm, no foul. It’s so funny because I have given, I don’t know, 100 live teleclasses and coaching calls, and I teach kung fu 15 hours a week, and I’ve been teaching and speaking in front of live audiences, so it’s not like I’ve never been front and center or shared my content before! Still, the radio was a new experience for me, and I knew this was just the first real step toward a much larger presence. That stretch out of my comfort zone seemed to really affect me! (We also used a different phone line for the first one, so the audio quality was also unacceptable… so we couldn’t have used it anyway…)

I was more conversational in the second two segments, so those are a go for this weekend and next! Overall, I did great, and they told me they want me back on! (See when Jim Brickman’s show is syndicated in your area. If you are local to me in Colorado Springs, it airs on K-LITE 106.3 from 8 am – 12 noon this Sunday 7/13, and another topic with me next Sunday 7/20.)

Post Nerves

But before I heard any of that feedback, I hung up the phone, and started to have a mild anxiety attack. I stepped away from work to make lunch. I was shaky and chaotic. I called my sister and I was talking in circles and crying.

I just chilled for another hour or two, then busied myself with some housework, then tried on a huge pile of clothes my mom had given me to see what I liked.

I looked forward to kung fu later, especially Tai Chi where I really got in the zone!

All in all, it ended great. I did something new and scary. And I survived it all! The thing is, we all have reactions like these or similar when we dare to expand our lives into the big realm of the unkown. Unless you stop growing (in which case you are shrinking, because there is only growth or decline—the “plateau” is just an illusion) you will need to be willing and prepare to experience whatever your personal brand of “freak out” is.

Overcoming Anxiety

Here are my best tips for overcoming anxiety when you stretch out of your comfort zone!

  • Breathe deeply. Seriously. Do it. You should do it all the time anyway, it does wonders for your health and state of being!
  • Smile and laugh! The excited energy from laughter is a similar intensity to the anxious energy, but in a positive direction. Fight fire with fire!
  • Take a break. Step away from the situation or work or pressure, and do something completely unrelated, relaxing, and fun.
  • Phone a friend. You might just be able to win that million dollars if you get support when you need it, thus continuing to grow yourself and your business. The sky is the limit!
  • Meditate. Jump into a Tai Chi or other meditation class, or do it on your own. It calms the whole mind, body, and soul!

(I am not a mental health or medical professional, so if you have a more severe issue, please get the appropriate help.)

Is Stress Pretty Much The Norm?

Is Stress Pretty Much The Norm?

For many business owners, April is the time when you are adjusting from either a very disappointing or very exciting first quarter, not to mention recovering from tax time. For students, you are likely wrapping up the semester and getting ready to hand in your last projects and take finals. For stay-at-home moms or dads, you are supporting your spouse and children in those aforementioned added stressors and managing umpteen other issues. If you’re human, you’ve got something stressful going on!

Will it end in two days when April is over? Or when summer hits? Um, no. We wish.

You Are Not Destined To A Life Of Unending Chaos

You and I both know there is always stress trying to disrupt us and make things difficult. There is always something going on, left unfinished, or popping up unexpectedly to interrupt your flow, if you even had a “flow” in the first place. While it may seem chaotic now, you are not destined for a life of unending chaos. Really, you’re not. And it’s not something you have to wait for. Circumstances will always come and go, but you can make one little shift to make the biggest impact on your life right now.

It may seem counter-intuitive to spend time on something “extra” when you’re already drowning in responsibility and deadlines, but I promise when you use this time wisely, all of the rest will almost effortlessly fall into place. Seriously.

There is an old zen teaching that states:

You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day—unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.

This is absolute truth and a MAJOR key to success and stress relief. Don’t resist it and explain it away with your many excuses. Why do you think you’re so stressed in the first place? Because you’re not doing what works. Do what works and let it work in your favor!

Not Sure How To Meditate?

While there are methods to meditating that make it effective and enjoyable for you, you can actually just sit in quiet pondering (and/or prayer if your beliefs take you there). It’s more important to do it consistently and peacefully than to try to “do it right.” So find a quiet spot, breathe deeply, and focus on a question, your deep breathing, a tree nearby, or whatever removes all of your stress factors and allows you to just be quiet for a while.

Here are my favorite meditative practices:

  • Swim alone early in the morning and just think and ponder back and forth in the pool. Clears my mind and is absolutely fulfilling!
  • Hop on a personal or business growth program that includes guided meditations. I have an awesome 30-day program, Up-Level Your Life: 30-Day Blast, that is available at a HUGE 70% OFF discount this week before it goes away forever.
  • Learn Tai Chi, also known as “Meditation in Motion. If you are in Colorado Springs, I teach Tai Chi at my Kung Fu school, KungFuColoradoSprings.com. Or contact me at info@shaolincs.com or (719) 377-2108 to find out how we can do Tai Chi lessons via Skype.
  • Participate in my breathing & meditation class at my kung fu school. While this is a class geared for students, it’s a fantastic fundamental class for non-students and beginners as well. Contact me at info@shaolincs.com or (719) 377-2108 to learn more.
  • Take two deep breaths—follow the calming process I wrote about in this blog post, Two Breaths Away From Calm.

How Meditation Works For Me

When I had my first major breakthrough, I followed a specific process (which is taught in one of the programs included in the Master Bundle Mega Closeout Sale). One thing was missing from the process as I learned it, and I instinctively added it in as a form of self-care. I honestly wasn’t even thinking about the meditative aspect of it, but I knew I had to do something very personally fulfilling to make me brave enough to let go of doubt, fear, and worry for the two weeks I had committed to.

Thankfully it was summer, so I got up early each day—I literally jumped out of bed because I loved it so much—to go down to the pool and just float and swim slowly back and forth. Then I would get out of the pool and dry off in the sun with a personal development ebook or scriptures and continue the meditative state for anywhere between 20 minutes and an hour and a half depending on whether or not I had early appointments.

It wasn’t until months later that I realized it wasn’t just enjoyable that made it so important, but I was also putting myself in a meditative state, so the entire experience was was supporting me double duty—fulfilling self-care and meditation. Win/win. It was so extremely fulfilling, my days were absolutely set up for joy and success. Life was much easier when I kept that up, at least five days a week.

In the off-season, I rely more on my other methods of meditation I practice through kung fu, and anticipate my pool sessions again this summer!

For you, find something you enjoy that can support a meditative state and you can absolutely experience stress-relief and pure joy each and every day no matter what else is going on!

Happy meditating!!! :)