Tag Archives: relaxation

Get Yourself to Do Things

The Screaming Inner Voice

It wasn’t doing me any harm, and yet I was screaming inside. My 9-year old body was frozen, not even a pinky flicked. I was sitting at the kitchen table being mocked by the only thing out of place—my white, crumpled, gum wrapper. It belonged in the trash, and yet I couldn’t move. For 45 minutes I stared at the gum wrapper, screaming at myself to throw it away, tears blurring my vision, and I remained paralized.

What’s the big deal about a gum wrapper? Why couldn’t I move? Should I have gotten therapy? I could analyze it, and as a coach, I definitely support seeking the root behind the behaviors. I have some ideas as to what that was about for me personally, and how it affects me today, but I’m going to skip all of that this time to look at what most of us experience as an adult.

The Plague of Procrastination & Avoidance

My experience at nine years old feels similar to what I go through today, almost 30 years later, when procrastination and avoidance are gaining ground.

Why do we procrastinate? We might answer with something like these:

  • I don’t have the time right now
  • I don’t have the energy right now
  • I don’t know how to start
  • I’m stuck and not sure what the next step is
  • I don’t feel like it
  • I can do it later
  • It doesn’t HAVE to be done now
  • Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away (we don’t actually buy this, but our actions suggest we secretly hope for it!)

Digging deeper into our inner layers reveals a variety of root limiting programs that lead to procrastination and avoidance. Some examples:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of showing up in the world
  • Fear of being seen
  • Fear of being wrong
  • Fear of not being right
  • Fear of being judged

But whether we can identify root cause (always great when we can) or not, the end result is still the same. Think, behave, BE the way the causes the results you want rather than the results you don’t want. And recognizing just one critical truth can make all the difference.

It’s always the resistance to change that is the hardest.

I finally got up and threw the gum wrapper away.

The physical action was simple.

I was strong enough to stand and hold myself, my depth perception accurate in navigating to the wrapper, my dexterity solid to hold it between my little fingers, my balance acute enough to walk easily to the trash and drop the wad in.

The 45 minutes leading up to it was a battle.

Remember riding a bike or swimming for the first time?

Those who approached it from fear and resistance, not daring to take their foot off the ground or let go of the side of the pool, took much longer to accomplish the goal, and with greater frustration, than those who embraced the unknown, trusting in the people there to help who already knew how, and just went for it.

In either case, once you got it, you realized that you were completely capable all along, you just didn’t know it before. There may have been a learning curve when discovering how to balance on the bicycle or keep your head above water, but it was there and as soon as it clicked, it never went away.

Even if the desired change involves more serious topics such as grief and healing trauma, the resistance is still harder than the change. The freedom from pain, or the healthier management of it, is way easier than the suffering by not changing.

Regardless of the topic at hand, if the result is really what you want, then why not cut out all the aggravating and painful resistance and just get on with it? You can!

  • Always remember resistance is by far the hardest part, and relief comes when you move forward.
  • Make it a game to get out of the resistance phase as soon as possible. (Self-bribes and rewards are totally legitimate tools :) )
  • Keep the vision of the desired result in the forefront of your mind.
  • Explore only thoughts of solutions, rather than despair and doubt. It feels more and more possible when you do!
  • Don’t try to “win.” Don’t force it. Don’t try to lose weight by improving diet and exercise, just improve diet and exercise and watch yourself shed unnecessary weight. It’s much easier that way. I recently posted about allowing happiness in by not trying to force it.
  • Stop overthinking. Sometimes I have to stop thinking about it altogether so I won’t talk myself out of it.
  • Approach with “open” energy, rather than a constricted, stressed, self-judgmental, trying-to-hard, or other negative energy. Mindset awareness, Universal Law work, meditation can all help with this.
  • Just do it. Just start. Just get out of bed. Just do something.

What could you have in your life in the next couple of months if you just stopped resisting and went after it? I will help you each step of the way to new results. Get support and make it happen in my private coaching or group coaching programs.

Overcoming Anxiety In Those Out-Of-Comfort-Zone Leaps

Another Level Up In My Personal Development, Via the Radio!

UPDATE: Check out my available radio segments posted on my web site.

If you’ve been following me on Facebook, then you might have read that I was interviewed yesterday for my very first national radio show interview! I knew I was going in this direction in a real way when I started making clear steps last fall, and I have been laying a cleaner personal brand and coaching program foundation.

The only problem, is I’ve never done this before. I don’t know anything about it, other than the fact that I’ve heard a radio show… Thank goodness my big “why” is strong enough to keep me going, stretching, expanding, and getting the hell out of my comfort zone! And thank goodness I signed with an awesome manager to walk me through the media and PR stuff.

The First Time is Always the Hardest

That’s what they say, anyway, and it seems to be true with everything else I’ve experienced… But with radio, I’ve only had the first time, so I’ll let you know after my second time if that’s bull-honkey!

 

Anticipation Nerves

I’ve been prepping my web site and social media, my blog posts and programs, and capitalizing on my drive to move forward and make a difference. I knew the day would come that I would actually be recording the show. At least my first time wasn’t live!

My nerves started creeping in a few days prior—it was like anytime I remembered, “Oh, yeah, I am going to be on a national radio show,” I started to have a gripping fear. I was able to breathe deeply and calm it down each, because I knew I was going to do it no matter what, so I might as well not freak out. Success.

“The Thing Itself” Nerves

Then came the actual interview… We recorded three segments, and for the first one, I was way more nervous and shaky than I thought. The producer told me today that it had to be scrapped! But no harm, no foul. It’s so funny because I have given, I don’t know, 100 live teleclasses and coaching calls, and I teach kung fu 15 hours a week, and I’ve been teaching and speaking in front of live audiences, so it’s not like I’ve never been front and center or shared my content before! Still, the radio was a new experience for me, and I knew this was just the first real step toward a much larger presence. That stretch out of my comfort zone seemed to really affect me! (We also used a different phone line for the first one, so the audio quality was also unacceptable… so we couldn’t have used it anyway…)

I was more conversational in the second two segments, so those are a go for this weekend and next! Overall, I did great, and they told me they want me back on! (See when Jim Brickman’s show is syndicated in your area. If you are local to me in Colorado Springs, it airs on K-LITE 106.3 from 8 am – 12 noon this Sunday 7/13, and another topic with me next Sunday 7/20.)

Post Nerves

But before I heard any of that feedback, I hung up the phone, and started to have a mild anxiety attack. I stepped away from work to make lunch. I was shaky and chaotic. I called my sister and I was talking in circles and crying.

I just chilled for another hour or two, then busied myself with some housework, then tried on a huge pile of clothes my mom had given me to see what I liked.

I looked forward to kung fu later, especially Tai Chi where I really got in the zone!

All in all, it ended great. I did something new and scary. And I survived it all! The thing is, we all have reactions like these or similar when we dare to expand our lives into the big realm of the unkown. Unless you stop growing (in which case you are shrinking, because there is only growth or decline—the “plateau” is just an illusion) you will need to be willing and prepare to experience whatever your personal brand of “freak out” is.

Overcoming Anxiety

Here are my best tips for overcoming anxiety when you stretch out of your comfort zone!

  • Breathe deeply. Seriously. Do it. You should do it all the time anyway, it does wonders for your health and state of being!
  • Smile and laugh! The excited energy from laughter is a similar intensity to the anxious energy, but in a positive direction. Fight fire with fire!
  • Take a break. Step away from the situation or work or pressure, and do something completely unrelated, relaxing, and fun.
  • Phone a friend. You might just be able to win that million dollars if you get support when you need it, thus continuing to grow yourself and your business. The sky is the limit!
  • Meditate. Jump into a Tai Chi or other meditation class, or do it on your own. It calms the whole mind, body, and soul!

(I am not a mental health or medical professional, so if you have a more severe issue, please get the appropriate help.)

Is Stress Pretty Much The Norm?

Is Stress Pretty Much The Norm?

For many business owners, April is the time when you are adjusting from either a very disappointing or very exciting first quarter, not to mention recovering from tax time. For students, you are likely wrapping up the semester and getting ready to hand in your last projects and take finals. For stay-at-home moms or dads, you are supporting your spouse and children in those aforementioned added stressors and managing umpteen other issues. If you’re human, you’ve got something stressful going on!

Will it end in two days when April is over? Or when summer hits? Um, no. We wish.

You Are Not Destined To A Life Of Unending Chaos

You and I both know there is always stress trying to disrupt us and make things difficult. There is always something going on, left unfinished, or popping up unexpectedly to interrupt your flow, if you even had a “flow” in the first place. While it may seem chaotic now, you are not destined for a life of unending chaos. Really, you’re not. And it’s not something you have to wait for. Circumstances will always come and go, but you can make one little shift to make the biggest impact on your life right now.

It may seem counter-intuitive to spend time on something “extra” when you’re already drowning in responsibility and deadlines, but I promise when you use this time wisely, all of the rest will almost effortlessly fall into place. Seriously.

There is an old zen teaching that states:

You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day—unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.

This is absolute truth and a MAJOR key to success and stress relief. Don’t resist it and explain it away with your many excuses. Why do you think you’re so stressed in the first place? Because you’re not doing what works. Do what works and let it work in your favor!

Not Sure How To Meditate?

While there are methods to meditating that make it effective and enjoyable for you, you can actually just sit in quiet pondering (and/or prayer if your beliefs take you there). It’s more important to do it consistently and peacefully than to try to “do it right.” So find a quiet spot, breathe deeply, and focus on a question, your deep breathing, a tree nearby, or whatever removes all of your stress factors and allows you to just be quiet for a while.

Here are my favorite meditative practices:

  • Swim alone early in the morning and just think and ponder back and forth in the pool. Clears my mind and is absolutely fulfilling!
  • Hop on a personal or business growth program that includes guided meditations. I have an awesome 30-day program, Up-Level Your Life: 30-Day Blast, that is available at a HUGE 70% OFF discount this week before it goes away forever.
  • Learn Tai Chi, also known as “Meditation in Motion. If you are in Colorado Springs, I teach Tai Chi at my Kung Fu school, KungFuColoradoSprings.com. Or contact me at info@shaolincs.com or (719) 377-2108 to find out how we can do Tai Chi lessons via Skype.
  • Participate in my breathing & meditation class at my kung fu school. While this is a class geared for students, it’s a fantastic fundamental class for non-students and beginners as well. Contact me at info@shaolincs.com or (719) 377-2108 to learn more.
  • Take two deep breaths—follow the calming process I wrote about in this blog post, Two Breaths Away From Calm.

How Meditation Works For Me

When I had my first major breakthrough, I followed a specific process (which is taught in one of the programs included in the Master Bundle Mega Closeout Sale). One thing was missing from the process as I learned it, and I instinctively added it in as a form of self-care. I honestly wasn’t even thinking about the meditative aspect of it, but I knew I had to do something very personally fulfilling to make me brave enough to let go of doubt, fear, and worry for the two weeks I had committed to.

Thankfully it was summer, so I got up early each day—I literally jumped out of bed because I loved it so much—to go down to the pool and just float and swim slowly back and forth. Then I would get out of the pool and dry off in the sun with a personal development ebook or scriptures and continue the meditative state for anywhere between 20 minutes and an hour and a half depending on whether or not I had early appointments.

It wasn’t until months later that I realized it wasn’t just enjoyable that made it so important, but I was also putting myself in a meditative state, so the entire experience was was supporting me double duty—fulfilling self-care and meditation. Win/win. It was so extremely fulfilling, my days were absolutely set up for joy and success. Life was much easier when I kept that up, at least five days a week.

In the off-season, I rely more on my other methods of meditation I practice through kung fu, and anticipate my pool sessions again this summer!

For you, find something you enjoy that can support a meditative state and you can absolutely experience stress-relief and pure joy each and every day no matter what else is going on!

Happy meditating!!! :)

Two Breaths Away from Calm

Breathe.

BuddhaYou only have a few minutes at the most to even live without taking a fresh breath. It shouldn’t be that surprising that breathing can mean so much more for you than mere survival.

As a 5th degree black belt Associate Master in traditional Shao-Lin kung fu, I’m no stranger to breathing and meditation, and neither are my wonderful students. There are so many aspects to it, it may seem a little abstract at first, but once you start to experience the effects, you realize it’s an amazing practice that brings real results, and there is a lifetime to learn and improve in the practice as well!

One of my students loaned me his book Living Buddha, Living Christ. He has been studying Buddhism, and I am a Christian. The author, Thich Nhat Hanh, draws many correlations between the teachings of the two religious icons and the ultimate goal of love and enlightenment.

I love this technique shared by the author, and just had to share it with you, as anyone can benefit from it at any time, even without other knowledge, study, or experience in breathing and meditation.

Conscious breathing is the most basic Buddhist practice for touching peace. I would like to offer you this short exercise:

Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.

Lightly touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth, inhale through the nose, and exhale through the mouth. As you think of the words in the exercise above, breathe in for the first and third lines, and out for the second and fourth, thus completing two breaths.

Take a moment and focus on this three to five times daily, or once an hour, or however often you will commit to being conscious about your peace.

Enjoy your oneness with yourself and the Universe!