Tag Archives: programs

Your Last Failure Holds a Secret

Your Next Goal is at Risk

You have a goal. Maybe you even have a clear plan to achieve that goal.

You’re on track, but you aren’t aware of what is lurking about to pounce and stop you dead in your tracks.

If you are human, you have both achieved goals and failed at achieving goals. Your goals are at risk of failure each and every time, so how will you determine this one will make it?

Each time you set out to accomplish something new, you hope it will work out. There are a lot of factors that determine its viability from the get-go:

  • True desire
  • Your goal is in harmony with your authentic self, your purpose, and the laws of the Universe
  • Your 100% decision vs. 99% or less
  • Etc.

For today’s topic, let’s assume all of these other factors are green lights—your desire is true, the goal is in harmony with your authentic self, your purpose, and the laws of the Universe, and you have indeed made 100% decision.

With all of those in prime position for success, the next factor to address is the secret your last failure holds.

One of my clients was in the middle of a huge upheaval in her life due to a move, which left her staying with family out of state, running her business out of boxes in her car, traveling for weeks at a time across the country, until she finally settled into her final destination, yet another state away. That’s transferring from state A to B to C over several months, while traveling the country in between.

It’s hard enough to run a business staying put, much less trying to stay on top of everything while being transient!

She had a goal to continue running and growing her business (indicated by specific benchmarks) while adapting to her life changes during this time, but she ended up experiencing intense struggle, stress, frustration, and distraction instead.

What did your last failure look like? It could be small with minor consequences or massive with critical, life-changing consequences. Either way, there are principles at work and clues that can change your world.

Why Did You Stop?

What caused that last failure? In more specific terms, what made you stop? Why did you stop?

I learned this approach from my favorite coach, David Neagle, and have found it critical to taking that next piece of power back into my and my clients’ lives.

For the client I mentioned, we took a look at her goal that was being put on the back burner, and why she stopped.

Her reasons were that XYZ problems and tasks had kept coming up. Every time she did what she was supposed to do, for example change her address with the post office as well as with a specific company, something would still go wrong, and she didn’t receive an important shipment before she had to leave on another business trip.

She felt powerless and completely stressed out as she checked items off her to-do list, just to have them pop up again, and interrupt her business and life in the process. She kept having to handle these issues, and did so inefficiently at that, while the rest of her business suffered.

In analyzing how these instances made her stop, we saw that she easily fell victim to the choices of others and gave in to the resulting struggle. This related back to her “control freak” nature, and the perpetual evidence that she must keep control at all times or else things “break.”

Another evidence of that operating program was when a major mistake happened that she knew was 100% her doing. In this case, she was easily able to face it and fix it, as opposed to the constant issues that were caused by third party involvement.

Can you see how her core, subconscious belief was dictating her experience of easily getting a solution in some cases versus struggling with stress and frustration in others?

Our subconscious serves to prove its beliefs. That is what we are “fighting” when we are trying to change our experiences and improve our circumstances.

Instead of fighting it, we understand that it’s only trying to preserve us, and we work to change that core belief into one more suited to serve us.

In recognizing her subconscious program which determined the point where she “stopped” moving forward, we were able to approach her challenges from empowerment instead of powerlessness, thus begin to change her experience. She was able to move from struggle, to having just another item on her to-do list to handle without the distracting stress and emotions.

Unlocking Your Failure’s Secret

To achieve your own goal, here are the steps to take before your next goal’s risk appears, before it starts to fall apart:

  1. Identify your last failed goal.
  2. Ask yourself, “What made me stop? Why did I stop?”
  3. Identify your responsibility. Whether those answers have to do with you directly or third parties and external circumstances out of your control, identify where you actually did have power in each and every case.
  4. Identify what core belief you are operating from based on the clues.
  5. Determine what the real truth is. (In my client’s case, she had to determine that we truly can’t control everything, but we can take our power back in everything and more effectively handle hurdles as they come.)
  6. Give yourself a new experience. (In my client’s case, she had to continue to relinquish control, and learn to consciously recognize when it worked out wonderfully. She then began to let the new evidence sink in, and let the struggle and frustration become empowerment to handle challenges when they arise.)

When you choose to stay victim to reasons (excuses) for failure, you choose to stay disempowered, upset, confused, and it interrupts you from adapting to the changes you want to make.

When you draw on the clues from past failures, you empower yourself to never let them stop you again.

I will gladly help you through this process via my private coaching or group coaching programs.

Next step—plan your celebration when you achieve that next big goal!

 

 

 

Get Yourself to Do Things

The Screaming Inner Voice

It wasn’t doing me any harm, and yet I was screaming inside. My 9-year old body was frozen, not even a pinky flicked. I was sitting at the kitchen table being mocked by the only thing out of place—my white, crumpled, gum wrapper. It belonged in the trash, and yet I couldn’t move. For 45 minutes I stared at the gum wrapper, screaming at myself to throw it away, tears blurring my vision, and I remained paralized.

What’s the big deal about a gum wrapper? Why couldn’t I move? Should I have gotten therapy? I could analyze it, and as a coach, I definitely support seeking the root behind the behaviors. I have some ideas as to what that was about for me personally, and how it affects me today, but I’m going to skip all of that this time to look at what most of us experience as an adult.

The Plague of Procrastination & Avoidance

My experience at nine years old feels similar to what I go through today, almost 30 years later, when procrastination and avoidance are gaining ground.

Why do we procrastinate? We might answer with something like these:

  • I don’t have the time right now
  • I don’t have the energy right now
  • I don’t know how to start
  • I’m stuck and not sure what the next step is
  • I don’t feel like it
  • I can do it later
  • It doesn’t HAVE to be done now
  • Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away (we don’t actually buy this, but our actions suggest we secretly hope for it!)

Digging deeper into our inner layers reveals a variety of root limiting programs that lead to procrastination and avoidance. Some examples:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of showing up in the world
  • Fear of being seen
  • Fear of being wrong
  • Fear of not being right
  • Fear of being judged

But whether we can identify root cause (always great when we can) or not, the end result is still the same. Think, behave, BE the way the causes the results you want rather than the results you don’t want. And recognizing just one critical truth can make all the difference.

It’s always the resistance to change that is the hardest.

I finally got up and threw the gum wrapper away.

The physical action was simple.

I was strong enough to stand and hold myself, my depth perception accurate in navigating to the wrapper, my dexterity solid to hold it between my little fingers, my balance acute enough to walk easily to the trash and drop the wad in.

The 45 minutes leading up to it was a battle.

Remember riding a bike or swimming for the first time?

Those who approached it from fear and resistance, not daring to take their foot off the ground or let go of the side of the pool, took much longer to accomplish the goal, and with greater frustration, than those who embraced the unknown, trusting in the people there to help who already knew how, and just went for it.

In either case, once you got it, you realized that you were completely capable all along, you just didn’t know it before. There may have been a learning curve when discovering how to balance on the bicycle or keep your head above water, but it was there and as soon as it clicked, it never went away.

Even if the desired change involves more serious topics such as grief and healing trauma, the resistance is still harder than the change. The freedom from pain, or the healthier management of it, is way easier than the suffering by not changing.

Regardless of the topic at hand, if the result is really what you want, then why not cut out all the aggravating and painful resistance and just get on with it? You can!

  • Always remember resistance is by far the hardest part, and relief comes when you move forward.
  • Make it a game to get out of the resistance phase as soon as possible. (Self-bribes and rewards are totally legitimate tools :) )
  • Keep the vision of the desired result in the forefront of your mind.
  • Explore only thoughts of solutions, rather than despair and doubt. It feels more and more possible when you do!
  • Don’t try to “win.” Don’t force it. Don’t try to lose weight by improving diet and exercise, just improve diet and exercise and watch yourself shed unnecessary weight. It’s much easier that way. I recently posted about allowing happiness in by not trying to force it.
  • Stop overthinking. Sometimes I have to stop thinking about it altogether so I won’t talk myself out of it.
  • Approach with “open” energy, rather than a constricted, stressed, self-judgmental, trying-to-hard, or other negative energy. Mindset awareness, Universal Law work, meditation can all help with this.
  • Just do it. Just start. Just get out of bed. Just do something.

What could you have in your life in the next couple of months if you just stopped resisting and went after it? I will help you each step of the way to new results. Get support and make it happen in my private coaching or group coaching programs.

The Only Path to Your Goal that Matters

Your Dreams, Your Journey

Country Road

I didn’t have a clue before.

Now, when I step out of my comfort zone into something new, which to keep growing means I’m doing it a LOT, I feel the same way every time. It’s like I’m a brand new white belt all over again.

My saving grace when I’m going for something completely new is I have surrounded myself with support, specifically the knowledge and experience of others who have done what I want to do. That doesn’t completely take away the “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” thoughts, but it does give me the courage to do what I need to do anyway.

I have gained so muchfrom other coaches’ blueprints, road maps, step-by-step guides, how-tos, live events, and coaching programs, both in mindset as well as practical business and marketing areas. Every single one of those programs I’ve invested in (which ranged from hundreds of dollars to 5-figures—yes, I’ve participated in a 5-figure coaching program and loved it!)… every single one was in one way or another a major, necessary step up to helping me grow and evolve until I am typing this post, recognizing I am truly on the path, having heeded the call of my purpose.

Those programs have all given me a foundation for my life and business and helped me begin putting some tools and system in place to serve my clients.

 

What they haven’t done, is explained to me the exact opportunities that would propel me forward.

How can they? The formulas are guidelines to get you moving, and you have to have those in place to create a space for the real magic to come in. That usually involves specific opportunities that become available to you, which could never have been predicted.

I went to Suzanne Evans and Larry Winget’s Hell Yeah Star event in the fall of 2013, which focused on creating your personality brand through your look, your book, and your talk. I attended knowing that someday, somehow I was going to write a book and speak in the media and at event to share my message of awareness and hope. I learned incredibly valuable information and had an amazing transformational experience while at HYS.

Now, a little over a year later, I have had three national radio segments on Your Weekend with Jim Brickman, two local news interviews on camera for ABC and FOX affiliates, a live AM talk radio interview in Salt Lake City, I am going to be interviewed for their show again to air on March 7, and I’m being scheduled for a high profile celebrity’s new podcast next month. I’m editing two chapters from my book so my manager can begin to shop literary agent and traditional publisher connections he has. And more to come.

Those are examples of what new and exciting opportunities will come your way. For some, it’s not about media exposure or sharing a message on that scale, rather it’s about getting and serving their next five clients, finding the solution to a family dispute, or learning how to care for so many responsibilities without neglecting themselves. Regardless of the specific goal, the point remains.

All of the coaching I’ve participated in has helped me prepare, but nothing could have predicted how this has and will continue to play out.

The path that actually caused the massive progression I’m experiencing was (and is) my action on my inspired purpose.

The only path that truly matters is your authentic purpose.

Your authentic purpose set on a solid foundation drives the path. With support, coaching, and some semblance of systems in place, when you follow your authentic purpose, and doors will fly open.

I can track key events on a timeline that facilitated all of this, from my major breakthrough that shattered my income ceiling for the first time and simultaneously gave me the self-respect and courage I needed to leave my abuse marriage, to my reaching out to my non-scripted talent manager having only a small idea of what I was hoping to learn from him, to my shedding of my crippling fear of judgment I posted about a couple weeks ago, to so many other moments.

I could take it back even further to the realization I had in my twenties that I couldn’t stay longer than a year and a half at any job. Some would say I wasn’t willing to pay my dues or do what it takes to care for myself financially, but I’ve come to understand that it was part of my divine nature to recognize inspiration and the fact that I was made to do so much more in this world than be owned by a boss and clock in and clock out. Have there been a lot of struggles trying to figure it all out? Heck yeah. But every single one has been worth it to be where I am today and where I am going.

I could even take it back as far as I can remember when we were on a road trip and my dad would ask me about my dreams for when I grew up. I described to him the restaurant I wanted to own, and the design I drew with eyes all over the exterior. (WTH was that about?!) I planned an amusement park where there was a giant giraffe structure that would show movies in the belly and one of the legs was a slide you use to exit. My dad was pivotal in fostering my imagination and developing my problem-solving/analytical part of my thinking. He passed away a few years ago, and those two skills are among my greatest assets as an entrepreneur.

All of these experiences are part of my authentic journey, and these last few months have been the pinnacle result of those in my life thus far. It’s thrilling beyond measure, and I hope you are likewise heeding the call for your life! If you are, then now is the perfect time for you to join me and others like us in my next Inner Circle Group Coaching Program where I will help you clear out the boulders in the path, and create your own opportunities.

Your life is waiting, the time is now. Learn more and register here.

 

What is Stopping You from Taking that Next Major Step?

Be Honest & Dig Deep

When was the last time something stopped you from bringing in a new client, being on your best behavior, indulging in a deserved retreat, saying no to that poisonous snack, or achieving a goal you really wanted?

It’s not enough to simply re-motivate, re-inspire, work harder, or try new productivity or income generating practices.

I’m so thankful I first learned to do this from David Neagle. And even though I have evaluated this many times, sometimes I get stuck and forget and my coach reminds me—that’s what she’s there for!

The sooner you identify what actually stops you, the sooner you can stop giving it power over you and step right through it next time.

It’s best to stop what you’re doing right now and get clear on what stops you, than to wait until you’re in the thick of things and try to figure it out then, when the pressure is on.

However, if you’re in that crisis moment now, then it is even more critical you do this now.

A quick exercise in “exorcism”:

1.) Think of the last goal you didn’t reach.

  • Ex. A: You wanted to add a product line targeted to men in addition to the line for women you already have.
  • Ex. B: You wanted to shed 20 pounds.

2.) Why did or didn’t that happen?

You may come up with some external reasons, or personal reasons.

  • Ex. A: Your investor fell through; it was more work than you thought and you were exhausted.
  • Ex. B: The holidays hit and you overstuffed yourself at all of your family meals and friends’ parties.

3.) Why did you let those factors stop you?

What was behind your reasoning for letting those circumstances stop you?

  • Ex. A: You didn’t seek another investor because you were previously turned down by ten, the one you had was the last one you had access to, and you don’t know where else to turn at this point. Or you didn’t consider finding one of the many solutions to your exhaustion other than the easy way out—to quit.
  • Ex. B: Family time is the most important thing to you.

4.) What drove you to think that way?

Dig even deeper. The deeper you go, the clearer you will see the real reasons you stop and the faster you can knock them out. Also notice what about it keeps you “safe” where you are.

  • Ex. A: You believe that once you’ve tried everything in front of you, there’s nothing left. You allow your feelings and mood to take over your body and to make your decisions. You’re terrified of marketing to men, so it’s just easier to stick with your current and successful target market.
  • Ex. B: You use the truly wonderful priority of family as an excuse to not honor and respect your own self. You restrict to the point of excessiveness when you aren’t “there” yet. It’s easier to allow other factors to control you than to have the responsibility of stretching yourself to the success you really want.

5.) Decide (or remember) what you really want and why.

Refocus on the result you want.

  • Ex. A: You were inspired to build the new line because you saw men had a need you want to fill. It both grows your business and allows women and men to bond over your product, which satisfies your overall purpose of unity and equality.
  • Ex. B: You know you’ll feel better and be able to give your family and friends even more of yourself when you shed that extra weight. You know that your daughter looks up to you and is learning how to overcome her challenges by watching you and you want to show her that she has control in her life, especially in choosing to be healthy.

6.) Put TRUTH higher than what stops you.

This will vary depending on what is beneath what is stopping you and what mindset and belief systems are driving your choices. Turn to Universal Law and principles you know are true and weigh your thought process and limiting beliefs against them.

  • Ex. A: Remember the Law of Polarity – you can’t have a desire without the means to achieve it existing somewhere in your life right now. If all known options have been pursued to dead ends, search your resources of people and opportunities for the solution that may be disguised as something uncomfortable.
  • Ex. B: Think “easy,” not “hard.” It’s easy to choose what and how much to eat when you stop focusing on how hard it is, and instead focus on how easy those choices are because you deserve to feel and be healthy! And don’t beat yourself up over a little indulgence.

Will shifting and stepping through your fears and pain be perfectly flawless? No, but the more you discredit what stops you, the easier it will be to move past it!

As you start the new year with a fresh outlook on your goals, I can help you make certain you have set the right goals and that they are achievable. Join me in the lowest cost program I’ve offered yet for support and coaching over 30 days.

Learn more and register here.

 

Love Your Life 2015 KICKOFF

(Hurry, the bonus for the first registrants is still available, which is that you get to vote on the date/times of the calls so chances are you’ll be able to make them  all live!)

Why My Depression Gets to Win

I’ve Decided to Stop Fighting My Depression

Hi. My name is Tanisha and am a depress-a-holic.

I have said, and it’s true, I have largely overcome the depression and self-hatred that I somehow endured practically 24/7 from childhood until I was 28 years old. (I was told I had a chemical imbalance, ironically only a few short years after internally rolling my eyes at a high school classmate who said she had the same thing. Karma?)

Even though I have come a long way, I still have to watch myself daily, as it’s so easy for it to creep in and flatten me. My lows are just as low as in the past, with the wish that I could not only die, but stop existing in every way altogether. But my “normals” and highs are much higher and much more often.

In fact, my “normal” is indeed normal—it’s my general state of being, and it’s generally full of positivity, drive, and fun. That was a foreign concept when my “normal” meant depressed all the time.

Aren’t I too short for this ride?!

I generally claim that I’ve overcome depression because I have. But I thought that being an effective life coach and kung fu master and instructor meant that I could never be depressed and have such horrendous lows.

With that type of belief, you can imagine how much worse I felt about myself when I struggled with depression over the last two holiday weeks of 2014, when I had extra time off from kung fu classes, coaching appointment, or networking events. I planned to get a huge chunk of work done in my businesses, but instead spent most of my time crying in bed wasting time binge-watching Netflix. (Kind of like the Martha Stewart story I shared on a particularly hard day during this period, from which I rose up beautifully like a phoenix.)

Those two weeks were a massive roller coaster with some crazy awesome successes, but still littered with these intensely deep lows. Those successes included yet AGAIN breaking through my income ceiling in my belief system and in my literal results by topping both my biggest single day and week (in only 5 days!) of income generation. I did things that took me out of my comfort zone on some specific personal development areas I’ve been working on and had amazing experiences doing so. I made some health upgrades with so much ease, it was almost as simple as breathing. I mean things were (are still) really progressing well for me!

But the yo-yo back into the lows made me feel like “What the hell is wrong with me?!”

This is not normal for me. That down side is something from my past and the worst part about it was feeling like a hypocrite when I am all about empowerment, being happy, and living the live you love, but here I was hating myself again the next day.

Perfectionism Rears Its Ugly Wolf-in-Sheep’s-Clothing Head

Until I remembered that being a coach, kung fu master, and a person who loves herself and others never meant being perfect and never having lows. I remembered that my deep-feeling, analytical strengths come with the potential for hyper-sensitivity, over-self-evaluation, and heightened emotions most of the time. I would never give up those strengths that allow me to so effectively coach others and myself, and to bring people down to their wall-less core so they can communicate truth and needs to each other, and so many other benefits, for the freedom of never being depressed again.

And besides, I am not like I was my first 28 years—I can manage my depression. I normally do. I am normally everything I portray with my positive outlook and friendly and happy spirit. That is my normal. This is just a low I have to deal with sometimes (this one came with more consecutive days than usual), and it’s okay to be that way. In fact, it’s not just okay, it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful because it means my dreams and goals are bigger than they’ve ever been and that scares the little girl inside who is still getting used to the idea that I matter. It’s beautiful because I can love ALL of me, the best and the worst parts of me.

But here comes the coolest thing ever.

I read an article somewhere about some guy’s battle with depression and how he still managed to go to school and get a job and create some good things in his life. There was nothing really spectacular about this article, but it showed me what I needed in that moment—it reminded me of this truth as a metaphor for life…

When it’s time to go on stage, we do it even if we’re scared. We don’t have to eliminate the fear in order to perform on stage, we just need to do it regardless of how much fear we feel.

Our lives are our one stage production with no dress rehearsal, and we are living it even if we are depressed. If it’s okay for the actor or speaker to perform with fear underneath, then it’s okay for me to live with depression underneath.

The INSTANT I realized it was okay for me to be depressed and I didn’t have to “fight” it or hate myself for it, I wasn’t depressed anymore.

The moment I realized it was okay if depression won me over once in a while, 90% of the depression got knocked out of me, and a song came on that hit me just right with its empowering base and touching harmony that knocked the last 10% out of me. (It wasn’t even a song of hope or motivation, it was just a regular song with the right tones, vibrations, beats, and harmonies for me in that moment.)

I returned to my normal self-honoring and self-respecting place with ease. There was no pain or hard effort, just pure acceptance of either choice, which led to my ability to make the better choice. I didn’t even have to actually make the choice, I merely set my subconscious (which makes 99% of our choices for us anyway) up for success through my realization, and it responded with the best choice, and that was it.

The pressure and negativity was simply cleared away and what was left was the real me.

I spent the rest of the evening listening to a new empowering playlist for 2015 while organizing areas of my home, dancing on the stairs and being me.

Whether or not depression is “bad,” makes no difference to me at this point because it’s far more important for me to love myself through whatever I go through than to tell myself to “stop being bad,” which only makes me feel worse about myself and pushes me lower.

Besides, going through lows and feeling terrible isn’t bad. It is just part of each of our cycles, and we all go through them differently. Of course I don’t want my life to waste away sinking into a depression I can’t get out of, but when most of those low moments are riddled with self-beratement for being depressed in the first place—when that stops, the depression is free to stop as well.

Then what?

Um, hello?! Live the life you love, of course! What all of this is about in the first place. Growing and embracing our best selves.

I have two 30-day programs to jump start our goals as well as health & fitness in 2015! You haven’t done anything quite like these, and they are affordable for everyone! Click the image or title of each to learn more. Save $10 when you register for both programs!

Love Your Life 2015 KICKOFF
Love Your Life 2015 KICKOFF

and

Master Tanisha's 2015 HEALTH & FITNESS CHALLENGE
Master Tanisha’s 2015 HEALTH & FITNESS CHALLENGE

I can’t wait to have you in one or both of the programs! We are going to have a blast!

Until then, enjoy the roller coaster!