Tag Archives: present moment

Four Words that Will Change Everything Part 1

When you were first dazzled by the modern Cinderella story in Pretty Woman as Vivian emerged from her dark and uncertain life to become a lady in love and temporally cared for, did the vision of triumphant love and authenticity end with the credits when you left the theater?

Were you stuck on the saving actions of Edward? How he saved her from her tough life, even if you recognized she saved him as well?

Or did you realize that it was her story and as her story, it was all about her saving herself?

It wasn’t Edward. It was Vivian.

It’s never the external that saves us, though as influential factors they are greatly appreciated. The external isn’t the cause of our plight or out saving, it’s the result. Our experiences with the external circumstances are the result.

The result of what?

Of us. Of our lessons to be learned, our view points, and most significantly, the result our internal programming and mindset.

When the change happens, when our lives turn around, when that miracle comes through, it’s always because of us. Because we were ready to change, to bring our true authentic self forward, to breakthrough, stretch, and grow, even if it scares the sh!t out of us.

We take in the support, the assistance, the divine guidance. We use those, and in the end, it works out because of us. Because of four little words Kit and Vivian told each other every time they went to work.

“Take care of you.”


This is the foundation of my new program, Design Your Empowered Life, where beauty and miracles infuse your individual goals and desires in your daily life as well as long-term goals. Confidence, energy, time, finances, and all that is necessary for joyful living are yours when you empower yourself with what you need and want. Take care of you and learn more here.

Hurry, because today (Friday, 10/14/16) is the last day for the special HelpFindKelsie.com discount.

4 Keys to Learning to Trust Again

“Trust” has come up a lot lately, with clients, students, prospects, and with myself.

For example, one client recently had to face the fact she didn’t trust she could make major changes in her life, her health, her family, friend, and associate relationships, and in her business.

One student admitted she has a go-to response of skepticism and wondering what someone’s ulterior motive is.

One of my Periscope followers didn’t trust there could be a result other than failure if she tried to do something big, new, and powerful in her life.

Trust is “photobombing” my mind as I have some things going on in my life that are forcing me to face where I stand with it.

Does anyone not have trust issues? Has anyone not had their trust broken?

Romantic Trust Issues Are Like Every Other Trust Issue

Probably the biggest area for trust with me right now is with men and potential romantic interests.

A couple of months ago, I started receiving some male attention from about three people out of the blue in the same week. One I thought was platonic. One I thought was interested in me. One I had no idea if he was interested or not. It didn’t matter if I knew the motivation, just the idea that I was attracting new male attention of any kind was too much for me.

I literally laid in bed for two days depressed—I couldn’t handle the fear it evoked. Even with all of the personal development work I have done, it still got to me.

This is the power of broken trust when it is still lingering.

Remember, not that long ago, I was in a marriage with a guy who displayed multiple personality-type behavior—I quit counting at 150 personas, and one time he told me he was “more aware of it” than he let on, which means possibly HE, not some obscure personality sexually assaulted me, HE told me I was destroying him while in the next breath through another “personality” HE begged me to never give up on him, not to mention the other incidences which were already considered to have been done by the “main personality” anyway—he choked me, he cheated on me, he used me in humiliating scenarios in texts with other women, and he manipulated me.

…Until I had a major breakthrough and got out of that bizarre and twisted situation.

Even though I got out, the effects of having been there too long (even having been there at all) were in me. It was too late, I was going to have to deal with them. Some, like certain types of abuse triggers, didn’t even start coming up until more recently.

Since then, I’ve had a couple of relationships where I gained a renewed view of men, and learned a lot about myself. For one, I am capable of trusting.

The Desire to Trust vs. the Need to Justify the Pain

One of those relationships was with an amazing guy who treated me with great respect. Fights (really just disagreements and discussions) NEVER crossed lines, and I really appreciated rediscovering that not all men were abusive monsters.

Even so, after having been mistreated, cheated on and lied to so extensively, I periodically found myself wanting to sneak a peak at his phone so I could know for sure he was not acting inappropriately. I can honestly say, and he knows this as well, in my effort to be honest and transparent, that I never once gave in to that temptation. He never gave me any red flags. I had to trust that. He didn’t hide anything, he didn’t ever act suspicious, and he loved me.

While all of that helped tremendously, ultimately, my desire to have a healthy relationship built on trust was stronger than my need to have my pained past run the show. That right there is the hardest part and the first key.

Be Okay with Being Wrong

Do I know FOR SURE he didn’t do anything I would find questionable or inappropriate? No. But I have to trust in what I know of his character and how well he treated me, even if someday I find out I was wrong.

How can I be okay with that?

Because there is no other way.

This is the next key—be okay with being wrong. You can’t know everything. You have to trust. Trust your belief system, trust your business partners, trust your family and friends. Place trust where you need, and know that someday one (or more) of those may fail you, and be okay with that too.

Operate from the Empowered Place of “Choice”

Not too long ago, I attracted the attention of another man. This is coming up for me daily. His big thing is “being present” which is great, because it helps me take his lead and be more open and present as well. Every day I have to think about who I am, what I want, and eliminate the what ifs.

What if he’s manipulating me too? What if he’s got an ulterior motive? What if I’m stupid for trusting? What if? What if? What if?

I defer back to my desire to have something healthy and trust. I defer back to my peace with being wrong.

So, what if I do find out my fears are true? What if he is trying to manipulate me or does have an ulterior motive? What if I feel like an idiot for not catching on sooner?

Or what if it simply ends today with no explanation?

I don’t know what I don’t know. How can I? I am okay with that.

In any case, I can leave and deal with it. I’ll be sad for a minute then move on because I am approaching this from an empowered place of choice, rather than a needy place of trying to get him to fill a void within me.

If I want to be open to any healthy possibilities with him or anyone else, I have to trust. I have to trust my intuition, and the absence of red flags thus far. I have to be honest with myself if any concerns come up.

That’s trust in relationships, and the same exact keys apply in all other areas.

Trusting When Sales or MLMs are Involved

Just yesterday, an acquaintance on Facebook from high school messaged me with a link to an MLM (Multi-Level Marketing company) out of the blue.

How would you have reacted? Ignore it? Say, “No thanks, I’m not interested”? Roll your eyes and complain to other friends about the annoyances of people trying to sell you MLM products, services, and business opportunities?

I get it, my very first reaction was annoyed, but then I stepped back and thought, “No, she is a real person and so am I. I am going to treat her like a real person.” It only took an instant for that thought to come in and my decision to act on it changed everything within me on a dime. Already my own experience was better because I was suddenly not annoyed anymore. I made it about her and not me.

I was familiar with this particular MLM and I said something in all honestly to how I think it’s a great thing and cool for her to be spreading the word. We had a little conversation and she ended up asking me for tips, which surprised me. I told her I have a lot of tips for people trying to stretch and grow themselves and referred her to a free offering on my coaching web site, and when she noticed I am a DVSA survivor, she spoke up with gratitude about that as well.

In the end, I felt good that I attempted to live up to my purpose in life to bless others, even in the most basic sense of simply being kind.

A similar thing happened last week with another person. I had also reacted to her outreach person to person and ended up offering to interview her on Periscope since she’s local. I don’t know if she will take me up on that or not, but she is passionate about her product, its results and helping people, so that’s a great thing, right?! Of course it is.

My experience (see that—MY experience… we are each in control of how we experience circumstances, situations, and others) with people in MLMs is so much more pleasurable because I am being honest and treating them like real people. It takes the pressure off both of us.

I am not worried in the least about them “selling me” because, hey, we’re just having a conversation. I won’t buy or do anything I don’t want because I’m operating from that “empowered by choice” place, and I feel great, and they probably do to, having me not bring in preconceived notions (i.e. trust issues) about what they might be doing.

Start Learning to Trust Again

If you relate to these examples around trust or to the client, student, or follower examples from the opening, then set aside a little bit of time tonight.

Ask yourself these questions, then decide to embody the keys, summarized below.

  1. Why you are reacting this way?
  2. What benefit are you getting from not trusting?
    (Do not skip this one… no matter how awful something is, if we are continuing to allow it, it is because of some subconscious benefit to us, even if that benefit is something like “to keep me safe from getting hurt again” or “to keep me from success which is scarier to me than failure.”)
  3. What negative consequences are you experiencing from not trusting?
  4. Why you are willing to keep not trusting?
  5. What possibilities open up to you if you decide to trust?
    (Regardless of whether you later discover you were wrong.)

If you were really honest with yourself, I bet you discovered some insight you either didn’t know or wouldn’t admit prior to now. If not, ask yourself again or email me (Tanisha@TanishaMartin.com) to schedule a complimentary 15 minute session with me and I’ll help you raise your self-awareness.

Now what?

Take these keys to heart and reawaken your ability to trust:

  1. The desire to be healthy and trusting has to be stronger than the pain of the past.
  2. Be okay with being wrong.
  3. Operate from an empowered place of choice.
    (Rather than a place of needing to be filled. Rather than from a victim place of what others might do to you, whether break your heart or “try to sell” you.)
  4. Be honest with yourself.

If you are ready to really trust again, then this is the perfect time for you to get some extra support from me. My next Inner Circle coaching program starts soon, and you can still get the early bird rate. Check it out and register here: TanishaMartin.com/innercircle.

Get Yourself to Do Things

The Screaming Inner Voice

It wasn’t doing me any harm, and yet I was screaming inside. My 9-year old body was frozen, not even a pinky flicked. I was sitting at the kitchen table being mocked by the only thing out of place—my white, crumpled, gum wrapper. It belonged in the trash, and yet I couldn’t move. For 45 minutes I stared at the gum wrapper, screaming at myself to throw it away, tears blurring my vision, and I remained paralized.

What’s the big deal about a gum wrapper? Why couldn’t I move? Should I have gotten therapy? I could analyze it, and as a coach, I definitely support seeking the root behind the behaviors. I have some ideas as to what that was about for me personally, and how it affects me today, but I’m going to skip all of that this time to look at what most of us experience as an adult.

The Plague of Procrastination & Avoidance

My experience at nine years old feels similar to what I go through today, almost 30 years later, when procrastination and avoidance are gaining ground.

Why do we procrastinate? We might answer with something like these:

  • I don’t have the time right now
  • I don’t have the energy right now
  • I don’t know how to start
  • I’m stuck and not sure what the next step is
  • I don’t feel like it
  • I can do it later
  • It doesn’t HAVE to be done now
  • Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away (we don’t actually buy this, but our actions suggest we secretly hope for it!)

Digging deeper into our inner layers reveals a variety of root limiting programs that lead to procrastination and avoidance. Some examples:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of showing up in the world
  • Fear of being seen
  • Fear of being wrong
  • Fear of not being right
  • Fear of being judged

But whether we can identify root cause (always great when we can) or not, the end result is still the same. Think, behave, BE the way the causes the results you want rather than the results you don’t want. And recognizing just one critical truth can make all the difference.

It’s always the resistance to change that is the hardest.

I finally got up and threw the gum wrapper away.

The physical action was simple.

I was strong enough to stand and hold myself, my depth perception accurate in navigating to the wrapper, my dexterity solid to hold it between my little fingers, my balance acute enough to walk easily to the trash and drop the wad in.

The 45 minutes leading up to it was a battle.

Remember riding a bike or swimming for the first time?

Those who approached it from fear and resistance, not daring to take their foot off the ground or let go of the side of the pool, took much longer to accomplish the goal, and with greater frustration, than those who embraced the unknown, trusting in the people there to help who already knew how, and just went for it.

In either case, once you got it, you realized that you were completely capable all along, you just didn’t know it before. There may have been a learning curve when discovering how to balance on the bicycle or keep your head above water, but it was there and as soon as it clicked, it never went away.

Even if the desired change involves more serious topics such as grief and healing trauma, the resistance is still harder than the change. The freedom from pain, or the healthier management of it, is way easier than the suffering by not changing.

Regardless of the topic at hand, if the result is really what you want, then why not cut out all the aggravating and painful resistance and just get on with it? You can!

  • Always remember resistance is by far the hardest part, and relief comes when you move forward.
  • Make it a game to get out of the resistance phase as soon as possible. (Self-bribes and rewards are totally legitimate tools :) )
  • Keep the vision of the desired result in the forefront of your mind.
  • Explore only thoughts of solutions, rather than despair and doubt. It feels more and more possible when you do!
  • Don’t try to “win.” Don’t force it. Don’t try to lose weight by improving diet and exercise, just improve diet and exercise and watch yourself shed unnecessary weight. It’s much easier that way. I recently posted about allowing happiness in by not trying to force it.
  • Stop overthinking. Sometimes I have to stop thinking about it altogether so I won’t talk myself out of it.
  • Approach with “open” energy, rather than a constricted, stressed, self-judgmental, trying-to-hard, or other negative energy. Mindset awareness, Universal Law work, meditation can all help with this.
  • Just do it. Just start. Just get out of bed. Just do something.

What could you have in your life in the next couple of months if you just stopped resisting and went after it? I will help you each step of the way to new results. Get support and make it happen in my private coaching or group coaching programs.

The Only Path to Your Goal that Matters

Your Dreams, Your Journey

Country Road

I didn’t have a clue before.

Now, when I step out of my comfort zone into something new, which to keep growing means I’m doing it a LOT, I feel the same way every time. It’s like I’m a brand new white belt all over again.

My saving grace when I’m going for something completely new is I have surrounded myself with support, specifically the knowledge and experience of others who have done what I want to do. That doesn’t completely take away the “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” thoughts, but it does give me the courage to do what I need to do anyway.

I have gained so muchfrom other coaches’ blueprints, road maps, step-by-step guides, how-tos, live events, and coaching programs, both in mindset as well as practical business and marketing areas. Every single one of those programs I’ve invested in (which ranged from hundreds of dollars to 5-figures—yes, I’ve participated in a 5-figure coaching program and loved it!)… every single one was in one way or another a major, necessary step up to helping me grow and evolve until I am typing this post, recognizing I am truly on the path, having heeded the call of my purpose.

Those programs have all given me a foundation for my life and business and helped me begin putting some tools and system in place to serve my clients.

 

What they haven’t done, is explained to me the exact opportunities that would propel me forward.

How can they? The formulas are guidelines to get you moving, and you have to have those in place to create a space for the real magic to come in. That usually involves specific opportunities that become available to you, which could never have been predicted.

I went to Suzanne Evans and Larry Winget’s Hell Yeah Star event in the fall of 2013, which focused on creating your personality brand through your look, your book, and your talk. I attended knowing that someday, somehow I was going to write a book and speak in the media and at event to share my message of awareness and hope. I learned incredibly valuable information and had an amazing transformational experience while at HYS.

Now, a little over a year later, I have had three national radio segments on Your Weekend with Jim Brickman, two local news interviews on camera for ABC and FOX affiliates, a live AM talk radio interview in Salt Lake City, I am going to be interviewed for their show again to air on March 7, and I’m being scheduled for a high profile celebrity’s new podcast next month. I’m editing two chapters from my book so my manager can begin to shop literary agent and traditional publisher connections he has. And more to come.

Those are examples of what new and exciting opportunities will come your way. For some, it’s not about media exposure or sharing a message on that scale, rather it’s about getting and serving their next five clients, finding the solution to a family dispute, or learning how to care for so many responsibilities without neglecting themselves. Regardless of the specific goal, the point remains.

All of the coaching I’ve participated in has helped me prepare, but nothing could have predicted how this has and will continue to play out.

The path that actually caused the massive progression I’m experiencing was (and is) my action on my inspired purpose.

The only path that truly matters is your authentic purpose.

Your authentic purpose set on a solid foundation drives the path. With support, coaching, and some semblance of systems in place, when you follow your authentic purpose, and doors will fly open.

I can track key events on a timeline that facilitated all of this, from my major breakthrough that shattered my income ceiling for the first time and simultaneously gave me the self-respect and courage I needed to leave my abuse marriage, to my reaching out to my non-scripted talent manager having only a small idea of what I was hoping to learn from him, to my shedding of my crippling fear of judgment I posted about a couple weeks ago, to so many other moments.

I could take it back even further to the realization I had in my twenties that I couldn’t stay longer than a year and a half at any job. Some would say I wasn’t willing to pay my dues or do what it takes to care for myself financially, but I’ve come to understand that it was part of my divine nature to recognize inspiration and the fact that I was made to do so much more in this world than be owned by a boss and clock in and clock out. Have there been a lot of struggles trying to figure it all out? Heck yeah. But every single one has been worth it to be where I am today and where I am going.

I could even take it back as far as I can remember when we were on a road trip and my dad would ask me about my dreams for when I grew up. I described to him the restaurant I wanted to own, and the design I drew with eyes all over the exterior. (WTH was that about?!) I planned an amusement park where there was a giant giraffe structure that would show movies in the belly and one of the legs was a slide you use to exit. My dad was pivotal in fostering my imagination and developing my problem-solving/analytical part of my thinking. He passed away a few years ago, and those two skills are among my greatest assets as an entrepreneur.

All of these experiences are part of my authentic journey, and these last few months have been the pinnacle result of those in my life thus far. It’s thrilling beyond measure, and I hope you are likewise heeding the call for your life! If you are, then now is the perfect time for you to join me and others like us in my next Inner Circle Group Coaching Program where I will help you clear out the boulders in the path, and create your own opportunities.

Your life is waiting, the time is now. Learn more and register here.

 

Is Stress Pretty Much The Norm?

Is Stress Pretty Much The Norm?

For many business owners, April is the time when you are adjusting from either a very disappointing or very exciting first quarter, not to mention recovering from tax time. For students, you are likely wrapping up the semester and getting ready to hand in your last projects and take finals. For stay-at-home moms or dads, you are supporting your spouse and children in those aforementioned added stressors and managing umpteen other issues. If you’re human, you’ve got something stressful going on!

Will it end in two days when April is over? Or when summer hits? Um, no. We wish.

You Are Not Destined To A Life Of Unending Chaos

You and I both know there is always stress trying to disrupt us and make things difficult. There is always something going on, left unfinished, or popping up unexpectedly to interrupt your flow, if you even had a “flow” in the first place. While it may seem chaotic now, you are not destined for a life of unending chaos. Really, you’re not. And it’s not something you have to wait for. Circumstances will always come and go, but you can make one little shift to make the biggest impact on your life right now.

It may seem counter-intuitive to spend time on something “extra” when you’re already drowning in responsibility and deadlines, but I promise when you use this time wisely, all of the rest will almost effortlessly fall into place. Seriously.

There is an old zen teaching that states:

You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day—unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.

This is absolute truth and a MAJOR key to success and stress relief. Don’t resist it and explain it away with your many excuses. Why do you think you’re so stressed in the first place? Because you’re not doing what works. Do what works and let it work in your favor!

Not Sure How To Meditate?

While there are methods to meditating that make it effective and enjoyable for you, you can actually just sit in quiet pondering (and/or prayer if your beliefs take you there). It’s more important to do it consistently and peacefully than to try to “do it right.” So find a quiet spot, breathe deeply, and focus on a question, your deep breathing, a tree nearby, or whatever removes all of your stress factors and allows you to just be quiet for a while.

Here are my favorite meditative practices:

  • Swim alone early in the morning and just think and ponder back and forth in the pool. Clears my mind and is absolutely fulfilling!
  • Hop on a personal or business growth program that includes guided meditations. I have an awesome 30-day program, Up-Level Your Life: 30-Day Blast, that is available at a HUGE 70% OFF discount this week before it goes away forever.
  • Learn Tai Chi, also known as “Meditation in Motion. If you are in Colorado Springs, I teach Tai Chi at my Kung Fu school, KungFuColoradoSprings.com. Or contact me at info@shaolincs.com or (719) 377-2108 to find out how we can do Tai Chi lessons via Skype.
  • Participate in my breathing & meditation class at my kung fu school. While this is a class geared for students, it’s a fantastic fundamental class for non-students and beginners as well. Contact me at info@shaolincs.com or (719) 377-2108 to learn more.
  • Take two deep breaths—follow the calming process I wrote about in this blog post, Two Breaths Away From Calm.

How Meditation Works For Me

When I had my first major breakthrough, I followed a specific process (which is taught in one of the programs included in the Master Bundle Mega Closeout Sale). One thing was missing from the process as I learned it, and I instinctively added it in as a form of self-care. I honestly wasn’t even thinking about the meditative aspect of it, but I knew I had to do something very personally fulfilling to make me brave enough to let go of doubt, fear, and worry for the two weeks I had committed to.

Thankfully it was summer, so I got up early each day—I literally jumped out of bed because I loved it so much—to go down to the pool and just float and swim slowly back and forth. Then I would get out of the pool and dry off in the sun with a personal development ebook or scriptures and continue the meditative state for anywhere between 20 minutes and an hour and a half depending on whether or not I had early appointments.

It wasn’t until months later that I realized it wasn’t just enjoyable that made it so important, but I was also putting myself in a meditative state, so the entire experience was was supporting me double duty—fulfilling self-care and meditation. Win/win. It was so extremely fulfilling, my days were absolutely set up for joy and success. Life was much easier when I kept that up, at least five days a week.

In the off-season, I rely more on my other methods of meditation I practice through kung fu, and anticipate my pool sessions again this summer!

For you, find something you enjoy that can support a meditative state and you can absolutely experience stress-relief and pure joy each and every day no matter what else is going on!

Happy meditating!!! :)