Tag Archives: positivity

Unconditional Love For Everyone But You?

Why is it so easy to love our best friend, our child, or our pet unconditionally, but not ourselves?

When they are going through a hard time, we support them endlessly and we feel with such certainty they can get through it. We know without a doubt they are worth their own effort to overcome challenges, and we want nothing less than for them to look in the mirror and realize how amazing they are.

This is easy for us. This is “Being a Friend 101.” This is a no-brainer, and it comes from our heart naturally.

If it is so easy to see how much worth they have, why is it so hard for us to recognize that same self-worth for ourselves? I mean, we are in fact the most important person in our own lives. We are the center of our own Universe (look around you—everywhere you go, you are at the center). You must be pretty important, as you are the only one who has power over your own choices, your growth, your mood, and your life experiences. Your potential for the incredible is limitless, unless you have given that power away through your doubts, disbelief, and even just a slightly diminished self-worth.

Conditioning happens.

It is completely understandable that you can see such unlimited potential and unconditional worthiness in others, but not in yourself, because it’s not exactly your fault. We have all been conditioned with certain self-views from our childhood when we had no filter to reject messages that were harmful to us. The resulting programs operate in the background of our lives, in our subconscious mind, until we become aware and then consciously take steps to change them.

Some of that conditioning comes from these ideas or experiences many have had:

  • It’s better to give than to receive. (How can there be a giver without a receiver? How can someone else enjoy giving to us, if we don’t know how to truly receive?)
  • Lose yourself to find yourself. (We just never get back to the “find yourself” part…)
  • The constant message that fulfilling our own desires is selfish or bad. (Don’t get me started… this is so messed up.)

These messages may have come through those words, or through experiences, for example: exploring the world around you and being criticized by a parent (i.e. being scolded for tracking mud in the house after exploring nature, etc.)

Once those messages were received, they were automatically accepted, because we were too young to filter or judge those messages as true or harmful. Ever after, our subconscious mind’s job is to run the program and find continuing evidence of its truth.

There is hope!

 

As the Universe’s wisdom would have it, as adults, we have the opportunity to consciously find and recognize new evidence that supports a more serving message! We collect evidence that can’t be denied and we don’t stop this effort until the subconscious is satisfied and the program changes.

This is how change occurs. It begins from within and works in tandem with external changes, results, and evidence.

When it comes to self-worth, frankly, it’s terrifying to actually believe we are worthy of ultimate, unconditional love at a soul level, not just in your mind or even in your heart, but deep into every fiber, facet, and morsel of your being that you are worth unconditional love. It’s understandable why many make progress, but don’t feel like they ever really achieve that level of love for themselves.

But it doesn’t have to end there.

Love Yourself Challenge

The ability is already within you and the method is in this post—evidence. Choose to see, find, create the evidence that tells you you are worth unconditional love, and you will begin to embody that in every area of your life.

What difference would that make in your life? How much better would you feel? How much more energy would you have to give to your kids, your significant other, your work, your recreation?

I challenge you to love yourself first and foremost every moment of today, and then extend that to tomorrow and extend that again for at least a week. Just try it without holding back, and see how wonderful the results are!

Get there faster with support.

You don’t even have to do it alone. Positive body image expert Lynleigh Chamberlain and I are hosting a FREE call tonight to share with you the exact steps to take to accomplish this specifically around your physical self-view and beauty. (Bonus—the steps are the same for any area of self-worth!)

Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/loveyourbody

Got Fat?

I did. Like five years ago, and even though I tried to catch it and shed the weight, instead, I went up an additional pant size since then.

I’m not supposed to be fat. I’ve had a “thicker” body type, but I’ve never been this big. Compared to where I had always been in the past (when I oscillated between a 15-pound range or less, but never passed a certain point), I am fat.

My face doesn’t look like me, because I’m fat. It’s gotten older, ugly, and rarely pretty.

This isn’t what a Kung Fu Master should look like. I’m not living up to what I’m supposed to be.

Some might look at me and say (or think to themselves) I’m not as big as them, so I should shut up about it and quit making them feel worse about themselves for being even bigger than me.

Some may look at me and say, yeah, you need to drop a few. (A “few” is about 50 – 60 pounds right now, by the way.)

No wonder I’m single!

So that’s where I am today. But what is the common theme you notice in every single statement so far? Stop reading, take a second to look back and really think—what’s the common thread?

I can imagine a few things you might have come up with:

  • Everything is a judgment
  • So much negativity
  • “The whole tone is yucky, and I really don’t like it when people call people, themselves or others, ‘fat.'”

Did I miss one?

Yes, I did.

Every single statement about me being fat is based on a comparison of something else.

“I’m fat compared to:

  • What I was before.”
  • Someone else.”
  • What a Kung Fu Master should be.”
  • How I’m used to seeing my face in the past.”

Or even this—”I’m not fat compared to someone else who is fat compared to me.”

What we’re seeing is that my hatred of “being fat” is based on a comparison to something else, which leads to the judgment that it’s bad, which leads to the meaning that “I am bad and undesirable.”

This is where comparisons don’t serve us. They don’t serve us in body image. They don’t serve us in finances. They don’t serve us in other areas of self-worth or life.

Yet, this is how we operate as humans when we’re not in alignment with the truth of the universe.

Let me illustrate further with an analogy I learned from David Neagle.

Is this circle big or small?

o

What did you answer? Why?

What if I ask if it is big or small now?

. o

How about now?

. o O

In any case, you have to compare it to something else to determine if it is big or small.

Is it bad or good for the circle to be bigger or smaller? Neither, right?

What if it was a tree. Would the tree be bad or good because it was bigger or smaller than another one? Still neither.

The truth of the Universe on this matter is the the circle just is.

The tree just is.

I just am.

You just are.

And you are one with the Universe. You are not apart from it. You are a part of it. When you know and feel that, then and only then can you put a judgment and meaning on it.

And that judgment and meaning is that you are beautiful and wonderful and perfect in this moment. Period.

When we get in alignment with that truth, we can stop judging every ounce of fat we see on our bodies.

By far, the first and foremost important purpose in life is to love and be at peace with who you are, right now, in this moment, whether fat, skinny, pale, dark, clear, broken out or anything else.

Does that mean you can’t or shouldn’t make changes? No. It means you start with self-love, then you can evaluate desired changes based on love, not hate or fear.

On January 10, 2016, body image expert Lynleigh Chamberlain and I are holding an absolutely free call on this topic.

At the Love Your Body without Changing a Thing: 3 Steps to Feel Beautiful in the Skin You’re In teleclass, we are going to give you the exact steps Lynleigh took to discover her own true beauty and fall in love with herself as she is.

We all secretly want that, and after we have that, we can change anything we want, or not!

I hope you’ll join us. Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/loveyourbody

 

Get Yourself to Do Things

The Screaming Inner Voice

It wasn’t doing me any harm, and yet I was screaming inside. My 9-year old body was frozen, not even a pinky flicked. I was sitting at the kitchen table being mocked by the only thing out of place—my white, crumpled, gum wrapper. It belonged in the trash, and yet I couldn’t move. For 45 minutes I stared at the gum wrapper, screaming at myself to throw it away, tears blurring my vision, and I remained paralized.

What’s the big deal about a gum wrapper? Why couldn’t I move? Should I have gotten therapy? I could analyze it, and as a coach, I definitely support seeking the root behind the behaviors. I have some ideas as to what that was about for me personally, and how it affects me today, but I’m going to skip all of that this time to look at what most of us experience as an adult.

The Plague of Procrastination & Avoidance

My experience at nine years old feels similar to what I go through today, almost 30 years later, when procrastination and avoidance are gaining ground.

Why do we procrastinate? We might answer with something like these:

  • I don’t have the time right now
  • I don’t have the energy right now
  • I don’t know how to start
  • I’m stuck and not sure what the next step is
  • I don’t feel like it
  • I can do it later
  • It doesn’t HAVE to be done now
  • Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away (we don’t actually buy this, but our actions suggest we secretly hope for it!)

Digging deeper into our inner layers reveals a variety of root limiting programs that lead to procrastination and avoidance. Some examples:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of showing up in the world
  • Fear of being seen
  • Fear of being wrong
  • Fear of not being right
  • Fear of being judged

But whether we can identify root cause (always great when we can) or not, the end result is still the same. Think, behave, BE the way the causes the results you want rather than the results you don’t want. And recognizing just one critical truth can make all the difference.

It’s always the resistance to change that is the hardest.

I finally got up and threw the gum wrapper away.

The physical action was simple.

I was strong enough to stand and hold myself, my depth perception accurate in navigating to the wrapper, my dexterity solid to hold it between my little fingers, my balance acute enough to walk easily to the trash and drop the wad in.

The 45 minutes leading up to it was a battle.

Remember riding a bike or swimming for the first time?

Those who approached it from fear and resistance, not daring to take their foot off the ground or let go of the side of the pool, took much longer to accomplish the goal, and with greater frustration, than those who embraced the unknown, trusting in the people there to help who already knew how, and just went for it.

In either case, once you got it, you realized that you were completely capable all along, you just didn’t know it before. There may have been a learning curve when discovering how to balance on the bicycle or keep your head above water, but it was there and as soon as it clicked, it never went away.

Even if the desired change involves more serious topics such as grief and healing trauma, the resistance is still harder than the change. The freedom from pain, or the healthier management of it, is way easier than the suffering by not changing.

Regardless of the topic at hand, if the result is really what you want, then why not cut out all the aggravating and painful resistance and just get on with it? You can!

  • Always remember resistance is by far the hardest part, and relief comes when you move forward.
  • Make it a game to get out of the resistance phase as soon as possible. (Self-bribes and rewards are totally legitimate tools :) )
  • Keep the vision of the desired result in the forefront of your mind.
  • Explore only thoughts of solutions, rather than despair and doubt. It feels more and more possible when you do!
  • Don’t try to “win.” Don’t force it. Don’t try to lose weight by improving diet and exercise, just improve diet and exercise and watch yourself shed unnecessary weight. It’s much easier that way. I recently posted about allowing happiness in by not trying to force it.
  • Stop overthinking. Sometimes I have to stop thinking about it altogether so I won’t talk myself out of it.
  • Approach with “open” energy, rather than a constricted, stressed, self-judgmental, trying-to-hard, or other negative energy. Mindset awareness, Universal Law work, meditation can all help with this.
  • Just do it. Just start. Just get out of bed. Just do something.

What could you have in your life in the next couple of months if you just stopped resisting and went after it? I will help you each step of the way to new results. Get support and make it happen in my private coaching or group coaching programs.

The Only Path to Your Goal that Matters

Your Dreams, Your Journey

Country Road

I didn’t have a clue before.

Now, when I step out of my comfort zone into something new, which to keep growing means I’m doing it a LOT, I feel the same way every time. It’s like I’m a brand new white belt all over again.

My saving grace when I’m going for something completely new is I have surrounded myself with support, specifically the knowledge and experience of others who have done what I want to do. That doesn’t completely take away the “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” thoughts, but it does give me the courage to do what I need to do anyway.

I have gained so muchfrom other coaches’ blueprints, road maps, step-by-step guides, how-tos, live events, and coaching programs, both in mindset as well as practical business and marketing areas. Every single one of those programs I’ve invested in (which ranged from hundreds of dollars to 5-figures—yes, I’ve participated in a 5-figure coaching program and loved it!)… every single one was in one way or another a major, necessary step up to helping me grow and evolve until I am typing this post, recognizing I am truly on the path, having heeded the call of my purpose.

Those programs have all given me a foundation for my life and business and helped me begin putting some tools and system in place to serve my clients.

 

What they haven’t done, is explained to me the exact opportunities that would propel me forward.

How can they? The formulas are guidelines to get you moving, and you have to have those in place to create a space for the real magic to come in. That usually involves specific opportunities that become available to you, which could never have been predicted.

I went to Suzanne Evans and Larry Winget’s Hell Yeah Star event in the fall of 2013, which focused on creating your personality brand through your look, your book, and your talk. I attended knowing that someday, somehow I was going to write a book and speak in the media and at event to share my message of awareness and hope. I learned incredibly valuable information and had an amazing transformational experience while at HYS.

Now, a little over a year later, I have had three national radio segments on Your Weekend with Jim Brickman, two local news interviews on camera for ABC and FOX affiliates, a live AM talk radio interview in Salt Lake City, I am going to be interviewed for their show again to air on March 7, and I’m being scheduled for a high profile celebrity’s new podcast next month. I’m editing two chapters from my book so my manager can begin to shop literary agent and traditional publisher connections he has. And more to come.

Those are examples of what new and exciting opportunities will come your way. For some, it’s not about media exposure or sharing a message on that scale, rather it’s about getting and serving their next five clients, finding the solution to a family dispute, or learning how to care for so many responsibilities without neglecting themselves. Regardless of the specific goal, the point remains.

All of the coaching I’ve participated in has helped me prepare, but nothing could have predicted how this has and will continue to play out.

The path that actually caused the massive progression I’m experiencing was (and is) my action on my inspired purpose.

The only path that truly matters is your authentic purpose.

Your authentic purpose set on a solid foundation drives the path. With support, coaching, and some semblance of systems in place, when you follow your authentic purpose, and doors will fly open.

I can track key events on a timeline that facilitated all of this, from my major breakthrough that shattered my income ceiling for the first time and simultaneously gave me the self-respect and courage I needed to leave my abuse marriage, to my reaching out to my non-scripted talent manager having only a small idea of what I was hoping to learn from him, to my shedding of my crippling fear of judgment I posted about a couple weeks ago, to so many other moments.

I could take it back even further to the realization I had in my twenties that I couldn’t stay longer than a year and a half at any job. Some would say I wasn’t willing to pay my dues or do what it takes to care for myself financially, but I’ve come to understand that it was part of my divine nature to recognize inspiration and the fact that I was made to do so much more in this world than be owned by a boss and clock in and clock out. Have there been a lot of struggles trying to figure it all out? Heck yeah. But every single one has been worth it to be where I am today and where I am going.

I could even take it back as far as I can remember when we were on a road trip and my dad would ask me about my dreams for when I grew up. I described to him the restaurant I wanted to own, and the design I drew with eyes all over the exterior. (WTH was that about?!) I planned an amusement park where there was a giant giraffe structure that would show movies in the belly and one of the legs was a slide you use to exit. My dad was pivotal in fostering my imagination and developing my problem-solving/analytical part of my thinking. He passed away a few years ago, and those two skills are among my greatest assets as an entrepreneur.

All of these experiences are part of my authentic journey, and these last few months have been the pinnacle result of those in my life thus far. It’s thrilling beyond measure, and I hope you are likewise heeding the call for your life! If you are, then now is the perfect time for you to join me and others like us in my next Inner Circle Group Coaching Program where I will help you clear out the boulders in the path, and create your own opportunities.

Your life is waiting, the time is now. Learn more and register here.

 

Get Your Time and Energy Back by Zapping Negativity from 3 Directions

Get Your Time and Energy Back by Zapping Negativity from 3 Directions

It goes without saying, negativity from our own thoughts and negativity from the words and behaviors of others are no picnic and can have lasting effects. But these three approaches encompass all you need in order to be done with it faster, and even for good!

1—Cut it Out of Your Own Mind and Mouth

We are the only source of negativity we have 100% control over, but it’s not always easy to get ourselves to stop and be positive when we are stressed, depressed, or feeling a myriad of other emotions.

Here’s what I’ve found to be the most effective way to be positive in your own thoughts and words:

  1. Create an overall environment (surroundings, habits, people, health, etc.) of positive support. When your foundation is solid, you are best supported to be able to make unclouded efforts in removing and replacing negativity.
  2. Be self-aware enough to recognize when you start spewing negativity. This isn’t about saying everything is great when it isn’t. It’s about noticing and stopping the complaining, self-judgment and berating, and turning it around to higher truth as soon as you recognize the negativity.
  3. Love ALL of you. The positive, the negative, and everything in between. In fact stop seeing flaws, challenges, and failures as negatives all-together.

2—Stand Firm in Your Confidence

When negativity comes from other sources, it’s our self-doubt that actually makes us give in to their attacks. If you say to me, “You really should have gotten a 2nd opinion on that hair today,” I will likely feel insecure about the comment because I do not have 100% flawless confidence in my hair every day. It would fester until I call my sister and vent how rude you were, and you clearly don’t have a clue about me and why would you treat me like that?!

Conversely, if you come up to me and snidely tell me I am the ugliest leprechaun you’ve ever seen, I might wonder what is wrong with you, but I’m not going to be upset about it the rest of the day. Your statement doesn’t faze me at all because I know without a shadow of a doubt that it’s completely untrue, thus I know with complete certainly that the problem is with you. No matter what you say, I will never be convinced I am an ugly leprechaun. It’s so absurd it’s a complete non-issue.

The principle works the same for any situation where it may not be as absurd as the leprechaun example, but you know the truth just as surely.

Standing firm in your confidence means either you are absolutely certain about your position, thus don’t need to take offense, or it could also mean you are okay if you discover you are “wrong,” as described next.

3—Don’t Make Everything Mean Something

When someone draws to your attention a bright green piece of broccoli between your front teeth, you might get that twang of embarrassment in the pit of your stomach, and not want to look your friend in the eye for a while, especially if it’s not a friend, but, say, an interviewer for a job. You might feel embarrassed, but you can practice being okay with mishaps like that, and again, learn not to see them as mishaps or flaws. So what if there is a green food remnant in your teeth? All it means is there is a green food remnant in your teeth. It might mean you didn’t look in the mirror. So what?

What if you state an opinion on a heated topic and someone attempts to discredit it, especially if they are rude in doing so? First of all, I’d be very choosy which of those you respond to and which you just ignore, especially on social media. Some people are such antagonists, it’s not worth your breath. But, in any other case, you might want to lash back because you now feel attacked and unheard. Or you might feel stupid because they actually made a really good point you can’t deny.

If you practiced positivity and understanding in your approach to the conversation in the first place, in other words you were civil, it’s a lot easier to handle, because you’re not already coming from an emotionally heightened state.

Either way, though, you don’t have to make their disagreement about you being attacked, instead, you can more clearly see their need to attack is an issue with them. Or if their point is valid, you don’t have to make it about you being stupid, rather make it about the fact they made a good point and you can respect that, even if it doesn’t change your view.

When you take the extraneous meaning out of events, and stay focused on the actual conversation, you can deal with them without emotion and with a level head.

Take these to heart and enjoy a more positive and guilt-free dialogue! For more support, the tools in the Joyful JuJu Kit are developed to help you negate the negativity within yourself and enjoy a much more enjoyable experience in life!