Tag Archives: hope

A Fulfilling Life? That’ll Be Four Hundred Anxieties Please

How the Hell Did I Get on a Lion?

Yesterday I hit one of these moments when I was full of anxiety, tears, and brick-wall-head-banging. And today I read this article in Inc. Magazine, The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship, quoted here:

Successful entrepreneurs achieve hero status in our culture. We idolize the Mark Zuckerbergs and the Elon Musks. And we celebrate the blazingly fast growth of the Inc. 500 companies. But many of those entrepreneurs… harbor secret demons: Before they made it big, they struggled through moments of near-debilitating anxiety and despair—times when it seemed everything might crumble.

Until recently, admitting such sentiments was taboo. Rather than showing vulnerability, business leaders have practiced what social psychiatrists call impression management—also known as “fake it till you make it.” Toby Thomas, CEO of EnSite Solutions (No. 188 on the Inc. 500), explains the phenomenon with his favorite analogy: a man riding a lion. “People look at him and think, ‘This guy’s really got it together! He’s brave!'” says Thomas. “And the man riding the lion is thinking, ‘How the hell did I get on a lion, and how do I keep from getting eaten?'”
I’m so happy this is becoming increasingly less taboo, and more authentically admitted as part of many people’s realities!

The growing pains of stretching outside of your comfort zone can be, and usually are, brutal. So why do we do it?

Because that’s where all the magic of an amazingly fulfilling life is.

We are not satisfied with mediocre. We thrive on experiencing things we never thought we could, and we live on the joy of helping others.

Watch a few of my encouraging thoughts in this short 3-minute video:

If you’ve hit one of those walls in the journey, remember you are not broken, “messed up,” stupid, or unworthy! Just the opposite—you are especially amazing because you are in the process of creating!

Take a moment and cry it out if you need, then get back at it like a Tiger until you break through the challenges and reach your dream.

Remember Your Big WHY

I hit a massive wall two years ago, not long after I started the memoir project at 150Husbands.com I mentioned in the video above. I was terrified to take it on and start talking about topics of abuse that would require me to be raw and open about my own domestic violence story.

I actually chronicled it in video and shared my progression throughout the day as I pulled myself up. It’s a long post, but you’ll see in the very first video the two moments when I couldn’t lie to myself or to you, as I suddenly reconnected to my big why.

Even as I was expressing fear and doubt, I couldn’t buy it when I knew I was drawn to this path. Remember why you chose your path, who you’re doing it for. If it’s big enough, bigger than yourself, then you will lay down your self-doubts and get back on the path.

Make Sure You Are Well-Supported

There is no need to do it alone. Get a weekly tip and power meditation in our pre-program calls for Design Your Empowered Life with Tanisha Martin—ease stress, stay positive, and get energized! Get in on it at TanishaMartin.com/empoweredlife.

If you would like some extra laser focused support to get you through your last hurdles of 2016, I have a couple slots open in my end-of-year blast private coaching special. See details here.

I Don’t Hate 50 Shades of Grey Because of its BDSM Content

*** WARNING – Graphic Content and Potential Triggers ***

I don’t hate 50 Shades of Grey because of its “BDSM” content.

I hate 50 Shades of Grey because of it’s dangerous messages to those who are abused and to the abusers.

I hate it because so many people are in defense of it in the name of “leaving people to do whatever they want in the privacy of their own home” and “prudes don’t need to take us back 50 years.” While they may have had a point if we were strictly talking about consensual BDSM, that is not the issue, because we are not talking about BDSM with 50 Shades of Grey. These books are taking us back 50 years because they are about abuse—masturbatory literature about abuse.

Abuse is not sexy.

The glorification of that abuse is not sexy. The glorification of that abuse is scary.

The fact that its defenders don’t even recognize it as abuse is even more scary.


50 Shades normalizes sexual abuse and manipulation masquerading as BDSM.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual

The motto of the BDSM community is, “Safe, Sane, and Consensual,” as explained in Techniques of Pleasure by Margot Weiss.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) is the mantra of SM in the United States today. Coined in 1983 by David Stein as part of the statement of purpose of GMSMA (Gay Male S/M Activists), the slogan was popularized across the country and is now widely endorsed by BDSM organizations. Stein notes that the slogan was originally understood to distinguish “defensible” SM, practiced on “willing partners for mutual satisfaction,” from “harmful, antisocial, predatory behavior,” “the coercive abuse of unwilling victims.” Beyond being a motto, however, Safe, Sane, and Consensual has become critical to the social organization of SM; it is the primary way practitioners distinguish between good, safe, acceptable SM and bad, unsafe, unacceptable practice. To ensure that the community of practitioners corresponds to SSC rules, several practices have become standardized; the two largest, most institutionalized are negotiation and using safewords.

I am not personally in the BDSM community, but I stand with them in calling out 50 Shades to shed the wool and reveal the rabid wolf lurking within.

Why? Because having been in a similarly abusive relationship, I recognize it when I see it.

In 50 Shades, Christian Grey uses predatory consent, convincing a naive girl who had no idea what she was getting into to sign a contract wherein she agreed to be his submissive for two days a week, and he has the right to punish her in any way he wants if she disobeys. In exchange, he offers her financial gain and “ultimate sexual pleasure.”

Manipulating consent from a naive girl is the first problem that occurs over and over again. Consent is what distinguishes mutual BDSM play from real life abuse. Predatory consent is not the same as consent.

He also ignores her safe word, and on top of that berates her for having her own boundaries. That is abuse.

My Very Own Christian Grey

Like Christian Grey, my ex-husband also used BDSM as an excuse to abuse and manipulate.

Our contract was our marriage certificate, and my compensation was that maybe he would stop looking at porn, stop cheating, and stop the internal fight among his “multiple-personalities.”

I can’t say what his thought process was, but I can share what my experience was.

First of all, I didn’t know anything about the aforementioned rules. At one point we established a safe word, but that was the closest to any type of understanding I had, and I fear his only understanding came from watching violent porn.

I tried to talk to him about what I desired in a loving, sexual relationship between husband and wife, because we had that sometimes. We had that quite a bit, actually. I also told him what kink I was enjoying and what made me uncomfortable, but it snowballed out of control into a perpetual fight over whether or not I truly loved him.

I allowed him to pour hot wax on my body including sensitive areas. It burned, but cooled quickly. It was exciting, and scary, and strange. Ultimately for me it was all lust. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel safe. It wasn’t what I wanted. Another time I agreed to do it again, but we changed candles and the wax burned much hotter. I told him to stop and that I didn’t want to do it ever again. When I shared my feelings with him that it wasn’t what I wanted, that it felt like pure lust and I didn’t feel loved, that it felt less like sex and more like he was actually pouring hot wax on me to hurt me and get off on hurting me, he discounted my feelings.

A true partner would have listened and taken my feelings into consideration. His answer was, “You like it. I know you do because that was the wettest you’ve ever been.”

He used that statement over and over again to discount my feelings of discomfort any time they came up. That is abuse. He reminded me that if I didn’t do it I must not love him. That is manipulation. 

It overflowed outside of sex into our day-to-day life. He wanted to punish me over disagreements, often threatening to whip me with the buckle part of his belt, rather than the strap, which I could sometimes tolerate during sex.

He told me several times that if I would just do what he wanted for 24 hours with no caveat, things would get better. According to his words, if I agreed, I would be showing him how much I love him and he would get his many conflicts out of his system, including his desire for extreme porn, his infidelity, his habit of choking me when we got into a fight, and in his internal conflict with his “multiple-personality”-type issues.

It was tempting after having hoped for so long and having fought through hell for him and us, to just believe him and give in. What if it really did get better? What if he would finally see that I did love him because I was willing to do this?

As far as the “no caveat” rule went, we couldn’t acknowledge any boundaries whatsoever. I just had to trust him—a man who had sexually assaulted me through a hostile “personality” named Animal, who the first time I met him forced me to swallow or he would “stick it in my ass;” a man who masturbated to internet porn of varying extremities, including women being whipped until they were bleeding, women who were clearly drugged with insects crawling over them, a woman being taken from behind while her face was shoved into a flushing toilet, and one who had her breasts nail-gunned to a board. He described the latter to me and said he felt a bit guilty for getting off on that.

No, I couldn’t trust him. I didn’t believe he would actually go so far as to bring in a third person to abuse, as his verbal fantasies reveled in, such as the time he described a fantasy of an ex-girlfriend (whom I knew of in real life) hanging upside-down and us having sex while he decapitated her and blood splattered everywhere. I certainly didn’t believe he would kill or have me kill someone or anything that extreme, but I didn’t know what he would do. I couldn’t trust him with myself.

I always believed him when he said he wanted to be free from the chains of porn and infidelity, that he loved me and wanted a love like I wanted. In a last ditch effort to “help” him, so I naively believed I was doing, I did agree to a compromise of two hours. I thought maybe I could endure it for just two hours and maybe, just maybe he would end this madness once and for all.

I hated every second of it when he told me to strip down to nothing in the bathroom, then pee in a glass and drink it. As I brought it up to my mouth I still didn’t know if I was going to drink it or throw it in his face, but he ended up stopping me. At least he had some limits. It turned out to be a test to see if I was really committed to our agreement.

I did stop the agreement soon after that, however, when he took a photo of me naked in front of a mirror covered in insults he had written with marker like “fat whore” and “Legion’s toy.” No, I didn’t enjoy that. I stopped the whole thing. I made sure he deleted the photo. It was an older phone that he since replaced and I believe that photo no longer exists. I hope I am correct.

Some I consented to, some I consented to under predatory and coercive circumstances, and some I refused. He wanted me to enjoy BDSM, but I didn’t. I couldn’t, especially under such physically and emotionally unsafe circumstances.


50 Shades normalizes the idea that girls love rape.

The line between consent and predatory consent was crossed in 50 Shades, which only serves to reinforce the overall message that girls love to be forced, “punished,” taken advantage of, and raped.

My ex mirrored that when all of the porn he was exposed to and indulged in only further twisted his mind that girls like to be abused, and my level of “wetness” as mentioned above was all the proof he needed. What I said and actually felt meant nothing, as if I’m some animal whose chemical reactions trump all reason, logic, and emotion that set humans apart from animals.

50 Shades‘ message to abusers is dangerous; the message is that they can just keep doing what they’re doing until the girl gives in, or until they get what they want, because either way, she of course secretly likes it is regardless of what she says. We want men to stop rape? We have to stop telling them abuse is not abuse, rape is not rape, and girls love it all.


50 Shades normalizes the dangerous idea that the abuser will change.

Why did I stay with my ex for so long?

Faith and compassion.

The “love story” of 50 Shades illustrates that through abuse, they can get married and overcome all of their trials until they finally arrive at their happy ending, influenced by the pending arrival of a baby. This reinforces the all too common hope of victims that if you have compassion on your abuser because of his past or because of what took his childhood innocence away, and if you just do what he wants, he will eventually come around because “love heals all wounds.”

Almost worse is the idea that a baby will bring you together. Have some men and women risen up to meet the challenge of having a baby? Certainly, but the hope that an abuser will do so is far too risky.

I’m sorry, that is not the happy ending for most women who suffer at the hands of their lovers, nor for the children involved.

The abuse and manipulation was a consistent part of my relationship with my ex, but it wasn’t all of our relationship.

I didn’t see myself as abused for a long time because it wasn’t as bad as being physically beaten and raped, or as bad as having a loaded gun to my head. Those seemed obviously dangerous and terrible, but in my case, “It was ‘just’ a love vs. porn battle. It was ‘just’ him choking me when we got into a fight. I was ‘just’ trying to help my husband get a handle on himself. And my husband whom I loved and loved me too ‘didn’t do anything like what those other men did.'” I couldn’t see it for what it was.

He told me more than once that he chose me. He told me he chose the life I thought we were working towards—a porn-free life of love and respect where kink may or may not have been a part, but certainly not manipulation nor abuse.

Some of his personalities were the most loving, amazing beings I had ever known and they treated me like a queen. They begged me not to give up on them. I promised them with all of my heart that I wouldn’t. They tried to fight off the harmful personalities both from gaining control of the body and hurting me physically or emotionally, and from gaining control in the inside world.

Sometimes they won. Sometimes they failed.

Sometimes they would text me while we were separated wondering where I was and were shocked to learn we were going through a divorce process. They’d fight until “he” and I gave in to hope and we’d cancel the divorce and try again.

The “main” personality was “middle of the road,” like you would expect from a “normal” relationship. He had his strengths and weaknesses, but I believed him when he said he loved me and I believed him when he said he wanted to be someone better for us.

How could I give up on the part of him that was trying? How could I give up when I promised the best of him I wouldn’t? How could I give up on the seven year old little boy that was first exposed to porn, who eventually became this sick and twisted monster? That little boy was surely still somewhere inside, and the loving part of him was certainly worth it. How could I give up on someone who had lost his way from the good, strong family of values in which he was raised? How could I give up and prove to him his worst fear is true—that he is unlovable? How could I turn my back on him, and not only him but my faith in God and a Savior who I believe really can heal all wounds?

No matter how much I tried, how much I changed, tolerated, participated, reasoned, etc. No matter what I did, his promises were empty and he always returned to his abusive, manipulative, and reckless behavior.

This is sadly the norm.

It was never up to me to change him, not even to support and love him through it. His choices were his and if he exceeded my boundaries, if he abused and manipulated, that was enough to leave immediately. And now I know. Now I understand how far it can go, I know what the red flags are, and I will never naively tolerate it again.

I won’t pretend to know each individual situation and their specific answers and timelines. I have a friend who stuck by her physically abusive husband because he said he wanted to change and actually followed through. Was it a hard road? Absolutely. But he did actually progress, while she became more assertive at the same time, and their relationship is safe now. Is it perfect? Of course not, but she is safe, their kids are safe, and they can focus on acceptable marital issues rather than on the abuse.

In my relationship, I finally did give up, and it was the best decision for me. I went through a major personal breakthrough that empowered me with self-respect. I didn’t even know I was missing self-respect, when I had thought I was doing good in the world and for him. I realized that I have to be the most important person in my life because I am the only person I have control over, and I can’t afford to give my power of choice away to anyone or anything else. And if I’m hurting or caught up in a twisted mess, I really can’t do myself or anyone else any good, not even him.

My self-respect engaged and made me realize I was worth so much more than that, so I told him I wanted to get divorced. It was basically mutual, he was tired of fighting too, mostly over sex, porn, cheating, and abuse. He moved out and we filed right away. No loving personalities tried to contact me this time, thinking we were still together. He did, however, call me to ask me to reconsider. It was about a month after we filed, with two months left in the waiting period before it would be final. I told him I would reconsider after he got his life straightened out, and not before. I did love him, but I would no longer tolerate the way he treated and manipulated me.

He hung up on me and immediately sent me four photos of naked girls and followed up with a text that there were actually five girls he’s with since we filed, but he could only send those four photos for some reason. I deleted it all and never looked back.


“Prudes” and “Kinks” Stand Together Against Abuse

Now that I have personally had a taste of the horrors of abuse and the effects of extreme porn, including human trafficking I have since learned about, I have zero tolerance for abuse and manipulation. 50 Shades of Grey and its defenders enrage me because before my “education” I, too, was naive. I didn’t realize how close to home abuse and sexual misconduct would come, nor how damaging, prevalent, risky, and dangerous it is all around us. I too may have thought of 50 Shades, “That’s just BDSM, don’t watch it if you don’t like it.” I would have been wrong. I would have been part of the problem.

If you are “straight-laced,” that is fine. If you are into kink and BDSM, that is fine. Just keep proper consent where it should be, and DO NOT defend real abuse. Whichever camp you are in, don’t sit idly by ignoring or condoning that abuse, because if you do, YOU are what’s wrong with our culture of rape and sexual assault. YOU are what’s wrong with society’s blind eye turned away from the tens of millions of sex slaves globally, including the 100,000 – 300,000 children in America who are tortured and abused today.  YOU are what’s wrong with the suffering not being able to have a voice. YOU are perpetuating this heinous behavior into the mainstream lives of innocent people—men, women, and children.

Instead, get educated, hear my story and others like mine (and worse). See abuse for what it is. Protect yourself and your children from it. Take a stand with me and the “prudes” and the “kinks” to prevent, heal, and eventually END sexual violence, domestic violence, and human trafficking.

If you are suffering, you are not alone.

Resources for Sexual Violence, Domestic Violence, and Human Trafficking/Sex Slavery

National Sexual Violence Hotline
RAINN.org
(800) 656-HOPE
Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network. Get help or get information.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
TheHotline.org
(800) 799-7233
“…no fees, no names, no judgment.” Get help or get involved.

National Human Trafficking Resource Center—Polaris Project
PolarisProject.org
(888) 3737-888
Get help or call if you suspect human trafficking including adult women prostitutes under force or coercion of a pimp, and all minors regardless of “consent.”

Morality in Media / Porn Harms—The Dirty Dozen List
PornHarms.com/dirtydozen
Just released 1/21/15, 50 Shades of Grey makes the list of 12 leading contributors to sexual exploitation!

 


HELP VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT

Instead of watching the 50 Shades of Grey movie, please donate to a local DVSA shelter, like TESSA in Colorado Springs.

Learn more or find a directory for a shelter in your area here.

Help TESSA help victims. Donate here.

 

Why My Depression Gets to Win

I’ve Decided to Stop Fighting My Depression

Hi. My name is Tanisha and am a depress-a-holic.

I have said, and it’s true, I have largely overcome the depression and self-hatred that I somehow endured practically 24/7 from childhood until I was 28 years old. (I was told I had a chemical imbalance, ironically only a few short years after internally rolling my eyes at a high school classmate who said she had the same thing. Karma?)

Even though I have come a long way, I still have to watch myself daily, as it’s so easy for it to creep in and flatten me. My lows are just as low as in the past, with the wish that I could not only die, but stop existing in every way altogether. But my “normals” and highs are much higher and much more often.

In fact, my “normal” is indeed normal—it’s my general state of being, and it’s generally full of positivity, drive, and fun. That was a foreign concept when my “normal” meant depressed all the time.

Aren’t I too short for this ride?!

I generally claim that I’ve overcome depression because I have. But I thought that being an effective life coach and kung fu master and instructor meant that I could never be depressed and have such horrendous lows.

With that type of belief, you can imagine how much worse I felt about myself when I struggled with depression over the last two holiday weeks of 2014, when I had extra time off from kung fu classes, coaching appointment, or networking events. I planned to get a huge chunk of work done in my businesses, but instead spent most of my time crying in bed wasting time binge-watching Netflix. (Kind of like the Martha Stewart story I shared on a particularly hard day during this period, from which I rose up beautifully like a phoenix.)

Those two weeks were a massive roller coaster with some crazy awesome successes, but still littered with these intensely deep lows. Those successes included yet AGAIN breaking through my income ceiling in my belief system and in my literal results by topping both my biggest single day and week (in only 5 days!) of income generation. I did things that took me out of my comfort zone on some specific personal development areas I’ve been working on and had amazing experiences doing so. I made some health upgrades with so much ease, it was almost as simple as breathing. I mean things were (are still) really progressing well for me!

But the yo-yo back into the lows made me feel like “What the hell is wrong with me?!”

This is not normal for me. That down side is something from my past and the worst part about it was feeling like a hypocrite when I am all about empowerment, being happy, and living the live you love, but here I was hating myself again the next day.

Perfectionism Rears Its Ugly Wolf-in-Sheep’s-Clothing Head

Until I remembered that being a coach, kung fu master, and a person who loves herself and others never meant being perfect and never having lows. I remembered that my deep-feeling, analytical strengths come with the potential for hyper-sensitivity, over-self-evaluation, and heightened emotions most of the time. I would never give up those strengths that allow me to so effectively coach others and myself, and to bring people down to their wall-less core so they can communicate truth and needs to each other, and so many other benefits, for the freedom of never being depressed again.

And besides, I am not like I was my first 28 years—I can manage my depression. I normally do. I am normally everything I portray with my positive outlook and friendly and happy spirit. That is my normal. This is just a low I have to deal with sometimes (this one came with more consecutive days than usual), and it’s okay to be that way. In fact, it’s not just okay, it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful because it means my dreams and goals are bigger than they’ve ever been and that scares the little girl inside who is still getting used to the idea that I matter. It’s beautiful because I can love ALL of me, the best and the worst parts of me.

But here comes the coolest thing ever.

I read an article somewhere about some guy’s battle with depression and how he still managed to go to school and get a job and create some good things in his life. There was nothing really spectacular about this article, but it showed me what I needed in that moment—it reminded me of this truth as a metaphor for life…

When it’s time to go on stage, we do it even if we’re scared. We don’t have to eliminate the fear in order to perform on stage, we just need to do it regardless of how much fear we feel.

Our lives are our one stage production with no dress rehearsal, and we are living it even if we are depressed. If it’s okay for the actor or speaker to perform with fear underneath, then it’s okay for me to live with depression underneath.

The INSTANT I realized it was okay for me to be depressed and I didn’t have to “fight” it or hate myself for it, I wasn’t depressed anymore.

The moment I realized it was okay if depression won me over once in a while, 90% of the depression got knocked out of me, and a song came on that hit me just right with its empowering base and touching harmony that knocked the last 10% out of me. (It wasn’t even a song of hope or motivation, it was just a regular song with the right tones, vibrations, beats, and harmonies for me in that moment.)

I returned to my normal self-honoring and self-respecting place with ease. There was no pain or hard effort, just pure acceptance of either choice, which led to my ability to make the better choice. I didn’t even have to actually make the choice, I merely set my subconscious (which makes 99% of our choices for us anyway) up for success through my realization, and it responded with the best choice, and that was it.

The pressure and negativity was simply cleared away and what was left was the real me.

I spent the rest of the evening listening to a new empowering playlist for 2015 while organizing areas of my home, dancing on the stairs and being me.

Whether or not depression is “bad,” makes no difference to me at this point because it’s far more important for me to love myself through whatever I go through than to tell myself to “stop being bad,” which only makes me feel worse about myself and pushes me lower.

Besides, going through lows and feeling terrible isn’t bad. It is just part of each of our cycles, and we all go through them differently. Of course I don’t want my life to waste away sinking into a depression I can’t get out of, but when most of those low moments are riddled with self-beratement for being depressed in the first place—when that stops, the depression is free to stop as well.

Then what?

Um, hello?! Live the life you love, of course! What all of this is about in the first place. Growing and embracing our best selves.

I have two 30-day programs to jump start our goals as well as health & fitness in 2015! You haven’t done anything quite like these, and they are affordable for everyone! Click the image or title of each to learn more. Save $10 when you register for both programs!

Love Your Life 2015 KICKOFF
Love Your Life 2015 KICKOFF

and

Master Tanisha's 2015 HEALTH & FITNESS CHALLENGE
Master Tanisha’s 2015 HEALTH & FITNESS CHALLENGE

I can’t wait to have you in one or both of the programs! We are going to have a blast!

Until then, enjoy the roller coaster!

Are You Robbing Yourself of Your Own Success?

Are You Committing this Common Mistake that is Robbing You of Your Own Success?

WomanTake a snapshot of your life right now. What does it look like? Are you completely satisfied with everything you ARE, HAVE, KNOW, BELIEVE, and DO?

If you said, “Yes,” I call BS. We should always be happy where we are, so in that regard—awesome! But we should never let that become complete satisfaction, because once we do, we have no reason to grow. And when we cease to grow, we decline.

If you said, “No,” then you are already in the zone for growth, so consider that a good thing!

While we are enjoying each present moment, let’s also look at the excitement of the next phase for us!

What would you like to see different? What would you like to see more of or less of in your life? Is this personal in nature or around your business? Narrow it down to one significant goal and laser focus on that.

With that in mind, let’s give you a step-up to make sure that you will move in that direction and achieve your goal. Here is a common mistake that is robbing you of your own success.

“But HOW? What’s the Path?”

HOW can I do it?

I haven’t been able to achieve this before, so why should I believe I can now?

I need to see the entire path before I will commit to this goal.

Your goals are new, often scary, and they stretch you outside your comfort zone. Inevitably you want to know how to get there, often before you’ll even decide to make the goal, but this is a mistake.

It’s a mistake because it’s not how the Universe works.

If you would have the entire path laid out for you, then you would have already experienced your goal and would already have that result in your life. Because it’s a new experience, there is no way for you to see the exact path. Some pieces and known avenues, sure, but not the entire path as it will work out for you.

At the same time, if you don’t make a firm 100% decision to achieve the goal, whose path you can’t fully see, the Universe has no reason to show you the path. It doesn’t need to respond to that line of desire if you haven’t decided on the goal in the first place, simply because you haven’t decided you are going to achieve that goal yet. You haven’t decided to do it, so you don’t need to know how to do it.

The only guaranteed way to see the path is to walk the path. As you move, the steps will become clear.

I can’t tell you why faith matters so much, I just know that it does.

Have faith that the NEXT STEP will be revealed to you as you seek it, and once you take it, you can seek the step after that. You will follow this again and again until you achieve your goal!

Take a look at your life, I bet you can find at least one instance, if not several, where you have experienced exercising faith to achieve a goal, which you were determined would 100% happen, and it did!

You know it comes down to your decision to make it happen regardless of whether or not you knew how in the first place, and all the pieces came together for you in spite of (and sometimes because of) any challenges along the way.

9 Ways to Score Big on Your Next Goal

For more support on your next goal, join me for a FREE teleclass where I will share 9 Ways to Score Big on Your Next Goal, happening Monday, December 1, 2014. Learn more and register here!

 

Williams, Lawrence, Rice, Peterson, Maynard, YOU

How do You Keep Your Chin Up When the Media and Your Fight for Others Get Heavy

Regardless of your opinion on each of these issues, we are bombarded with horror and trauma every day. Between Robin Williams’ suicide this summer, Jennifer Lawrence and other celebrities’ sexual assault, videos and photos about NFL players such as Rice and Peterson and domestic violence and child abuse, the recent death of terminally ill Brittany Maynard who advocates for the Dying with Dignity cause, the $9.6 BILLION human trafficking and sex slavery industry in America, and our own troubles, it’s time to take a step back and remember a few things…

Life is what YOU make it.

No, you can’t advocate for those who can’t speak out for themselves, or really promote a cause without seeing and sharing some aspect of the horror, but that doesn’t mean it has to permeate every aspect of your life!

Do what you need to do, help whom you need to help, while simultaneously creating the life you love. Be exposed to the terrible acts you are fighting, and balance it with everything that is beautiful and wonderful in your own life.

Terrible suffering has always and will always exist—how much more valuable is your ability to help those who are suffering while not succumbing to the darkness around those circumstances? How much more can you do when you are energetic and hopeful because you are enjoying your own life?

It’s not selfish to cherish the freedoms and comforts you have created for yourself.

Remember that every single person of functioning mind in a free country can create new experiences for themselves, just as you have done. It is ultimately their responsibility, not yours, to discover that they have power in their lives, and then to make the choices that serve them best.

Having compassion for those who are struggling is a valuable, and I would say critical, trait for your own character and for blessing the world. However, feeling guilty for having broken free from your own struggles is an emotion whose consequences don’t serve you or others.

Like the famous story about the boy who was throwing compromised starfish back into the ocean, and the downer man who said there was no way he could make a difference to the problem – he DID make a difference to each one who was returned to the ocean.

Love everyone and do what you can. Encourage others to do what they can. Keep up the fight and keep the bright light of hope shining in your heart and mind.

Keep infusing your life with everything that means the most to you, and keep fighting the good fight for others. If you need a pick-me-up, try my Joyful JuJu Get Happy Stay Happy Kit.

I’d love to hear what causes you are fighting for! Comment below and share how you keep your chin up when it gets tough. Thank you for all you do! :)