Tag Archives: goals

A Fulfilling Life? That’ll Be Four Hundred Anxieties Please

How the Hell Did I Get on a Lion?

Yesterday I hit one of these moments when I was full of anxiety, tears, and brick-wall-head-banging. And today I read this article in Inc. Magazine, The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship, quoted here:

Successful entrepreneurs achieve hero status in our culture. We idolize the Mark Zuckerbergs and the Elon Musks. And we celebrate the blazingly fast growth of the Inc. 500 companies. But many of those entrepreneurs… harbor secret demons: Before they made it big, they struggled through moments of near-debilitating anxiety and despair—times when it seemed everything might crumble.

Until recently, admitting such sentiments was taboo. Rather than showing vulnerability, business leaders have practiced what social psychiatrists call impression management—also known as “fake it till you make it.” Toby Thomas, CEO of EnSite Solutions (No. 188 on the Inc. 500), explains the phenomenon with his favorite analogy: a man riding a lion. “People look at him and think, ‘This guy’s really got it together! He’s brave!'” says Thomas. “And the man riding the lion is thinking, ‘How the hell did I get on a lion, and how do I keep from getting eaten?'”
I’m so happy this is becoming increasingly less taboo, and more authentically admitted as part of many people’s realities!

The growing pains of stretching outside of your comfort zone can be, and usually are, brutal. So why do we do it?

Because that’s where all the magic of an amazingly fulfilling life is.

We are not satisfied with mediocre. We thrive on experiencing things we never thought we could, and we live on the joy of helping others.

Watch a few of my encouraging thoughts in this short 3-minute video:

If you’ve hit one of those walls in the journey, remember you are not broken, “messed up,” stupid, or unworthy! Just the opposite—you are especially amazing because you are in the process of creating!

Take a moment and cry it out if you need, then get back at it like a Tiger until you break through the challenges and reach your dream.

Remember Your Big WHY

I hit a massive wall two years ago, not long after I started the memoir project at 150Husbands.com I mentioned in the video above. I was terrified to take it on and start talking about topics of abuse that would require me to be raw and open about my own domestic violence story.

I actually chronicled it in video and shared my progression throughout the day as I pulled myself up. It’s a long post, but you’ll see in the very first video the two moments when I couldn’t lie to myself or to you, as I suddenly reconnected to my big why.

Even as I was expressing fear and doubt, I couldn’t buy it when I knew I was drawn to this path. Remember why you chose your path, who you’re doing it for. If it’s big enough, bigger than yourself, then you will lay down your self-doubts and get back on the path.

Make Sure You Are Well-Supported

There is no need to do it alone. Get a weekly tip and power meditation in our pre-program calls for Design Your Empowered Life with Tanisha Martin—ease stress, stay positive, and get energized! Get in on it at TanishaMartin.com/empoweredlife.

If you would like some extra laser focused support to get you through your last hurdles of 2016, I have a couple slots open in my end-of-year blast private coaching special. See details here.

Four Words that Will Change Everything Part 1

When you were first dazzled by the modern Cinderella story in Pretty Woman as Vivian emerged from her dark and uncertain life to become a lady in love and temporally cared for, did the vision of triumphant love and authenticity end with the credits when you left the theater?

Were you stuck on the saving actions of Edward? How he saved her from her tough life, even if you recognized she saved him as well?

Or did you realize that it was her story and as her story, it was all about her saving herself?

It wasn’t Edward. It was Vivian.

It’s never the external that saves us, though as influential factors they are greatly appreciated. The external isn’t the cause of our plight or out saving, it’s the result. Our experiences with the external circumstances are the result.

The result of what?

Of us. Of our lessons to be learned, our view points, and most significantly, the result our internal programming and mindset.

When the change happens, when our lives turn around, when that miracle comes through, it’s always because of us. Because we were ready to change, to bring our true authentic self forward, to breakthrough, stretch, and grow, even if it scares the sh!t out of us.

We take in the support, the assistance, the divine guidance. We use those, and in the end, it works out because of us. Because of four little words Kit and Vivian told each other every time they went to work.

“Take care of you.”


This is the foundation of my new program, Design Your Empowered Life, where beauty and miracles infuse your individual goals and desires in your daily life as well as long-term goals. Confidence, energy, time, finances, and all that is necessary for joyful living are yours when you empower yourself with what you need and want. Take care of you and learn more here.

Hurry, because today (Friday, 10/14/16) is the last day for the special HelpFindKelsie.com discount.

Got Fat?

I did. Like five years ago, and even though I tried to catch it and shed the weight, instead, I went up an additional pant size since then.

I’m not supposed to be fat. I’ve had a “thicker” body type, but I’ve never been this big. Compared to where I had always been in the past (when I oscillated between a 15-pound range or less, but never passed a certain point), I am fat.

My face doesn’t look like me, because I’m fat. It’s gotten older, ugly, and rarely pretty.

This isn’t what a Kung Fu Master should look like. I’m not living up to what I’m supposed to be.

Some might look at me and say (or think to themselves) I’m not as big as them, so I should shut up about it and quit making them feel worse about themselves for being even bigger than me.

Some may look at me and say, yeah, you need to drop a few. (A “few” is about 50 – 60 pounds right now, by the way.)

No wonder I’m single!

So that’s where I am today. But what is the common theme you notice in every single statement so far? Stop reading, take a second to look back and really think—what’s the common thread?

I can imagine a few things you might have come up with:

  • Everything is a judgment
  • So much negativity
  • “The whole tone is yucky, and I really don’t like it when people call people, themselves or others, ‘fat.'”

Did I miss one?

Yes, I did.

Every single statement about me being fat is based on a comparison of something else.

“I’m fat compared to:

  • What I was before.”
  • Someone else.”
  • What a Kung Fu Master should be.”
  • How I’m used to seeing my face in the past.”

Or even this—”I’m not fat compared to someone else who is fat compared to me.”

What we’re seeing is that my hatred of “being fat” is based on a comparison to something else, which leads to the judgment that it’s bad, which leads to the meaning that “I am bad and undesirable.”

This is where comparisons don’t serve us. They don’t serve us in body image. They don’t serve us in finances. They don’t serve us in other areas of self-worth or life.

Yet, this is how we operate as humans when we’re not in alignment with the truth of the universe.

Let me illustrate further with an analogy I learned from David Neagle.

Is this circle big or small?

o

What did you answer? Why?

What if I ask if it is big or small now?

. o

How about now?

. o O

In any case, you have to compare it to something else to determine if it is big or small.

Is it bad or good for the circle to be bigger or smaller? Neither, right?

What if it was a tree. Would the tree be bad or good because it was bigger or smaller than another one? Still neither.

The truth of the Universe on this matter is the the circle just is.

The tree just is.

I just am.

You just are.

And you are one with the Universe. You are not apart from it. You are a part of it. When you know and feel that, then and only then can you put a judgment and meaning on it.

And that judgment and meaning is that you are beautiful and wonderful and perfect in this moment. Period.

When we get in alignment with that truth, we can stop judging every ounce of fat we see on our bodies.

By far, the first and foremost important purpose in life is to love and be at peace with who you are, right now, in this moment, whether fat, skinny, pale, dark, clear, broken out or anything else.

Does that mean you can’t or shouldn’t make changes? No. It means you start with self-love, then you can evaluate desired changes based on love, not hate or fear.

On January 10, 2016, body image expert Lynleigh Chamberlain and I are holding an absolutely free call on this topic.

At the Love Your Body without Changing a Thing: 3 Steps to Feel Beautiful in the Skin You’re In teleclass, we are going to give you the exact steps Lynleigh took to discover her own true beauty and fall in love with herself as she is.

We all secretly want that, and after we have that, we can change anything we want, or not!

I hope you’ll join us. Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/loveyourbody

 

Your Last Failure Holds a Secret

Your Next Goal is at Risk

You have a goal. Maybe you even have a clear plan to achieve that goal.

You’re on track, but you aren’t aware of what is lurking about to pounce and stop you dead in your tracks.

If you are human, you have both achieved goals and failed at achieving goals. Your goals are at risk of failure each and every time, so how will you determine this one will make it?

Each time you set out to accomplish something new, you hope it will work out. There are a lot of factors that determine its viability from the get-go:

  • True desire
  • Your goal is in harmony with your authentic self, your purpose, and the laws of the Universe
  • Your 100% decision vs. 99% or less
  • Etc.

For today’s topic, let’s assume all of these other factors are green lights—your desire is true, the goal is in harmony with your authentic self, your purpose, and the laws of the Universe, and you have indeed made 100% decision.

With all of those in prime position for success, the next factor to address is the secret your last failure holds.

One of my clients was in the middle of a huge upheaval in her life due to a move, which left her staying with family out of state, running her business out of boxes in her car, traveling for weeks at a time across the country, until she finally settled into her final destination, yet another state away. That’s transferring from state A to B to C over several months, while traveling the country in between.

It’s hard enough to run a business staying put, much less trying to stay on top of everything while being transient!

She had a goal to continue running and growing her business (indicated by specific benchmarks) while adapting to her life changes during this time, but she ended up experiencing intense struggle, stress, frustration, and distraction instead.

What did your last failure look like? It could be small with minor consequences or massive with critical, life-changing consequences. Either way, there are principles at work and clues that can change your world.

Why Did You Stop?

What caused that last failure? In more specific terms, what made you stop? Why did you stop?

I learned this approach from my favorite coach, David Neagle, and have found it critical to taking that next piece of power back into my and my clients’ lives.

For the client I mentioned, we took a look at her goal that was being put on the back burner, and why she stopped.

Her reasons were that XYZ problems and tasks had kept coming up. Every time she did what she was supposed to do, for example change her address with the post office as well as with a specific company, something would still go wrong, and she didn’t receive an important shipment before she had to leave on another business trip.

She felt powerless and completely stressed out as she checked items off her to-do list, just to have them pop up again, and interrupt her business and life in the process. She kept having to handle these issues, and did so inefficiently at that, while the rest of her business suffered.

In analyzing how these instances made her stop, we saw that she easily fell victim to the choices of others and gave in to the resulting struggle. This related back to her “control freak” nature, and the perpetual evidence that she must keep control at all times or else things “break.”

Another evidence of that operating program was when a major mistake happened that she knew was 100% her doing. In this case, she was easily able to face it and fix it, as opposed to the constant issues that were caused by third party involvement.

Can you see how her core, subconscious belief was dictating her experience of easily getting a solution in some cases versus struggling with stress and frustration in others?

Our subconscious serves to prove its beliefs. That is what we are “fighting” when we are trying to change our experiences and improve our circumstances.

Instead of fighting it, we understand that it’s only trying to preserve us, and we work to change that core belief into one more suited to serve us.

In recognizing her subconscious program which determined the point where she “stopped” moving forward, we were able to approach her challenges from empowerment instead of powerlessness, thus begin to change her experience. She was able to move from struggle, to having just another item on her to-do list to handle without the distracting stress and emotions.

Unlocking Your Failure’s Secret

To achieve your own goal, here are the steps to take before your next goal’s risk appears, before it starts to fall apart:

  1. Identify your last failed goal.
  2. Ask yourself, “What made me stop? Why did I stop?”
  3. Identify your responsibility. Whether those answers have to do with you directly or third parties and external circumstances out of your control, identify where you actually did have power in each and every case.
  4. Identify what core belief you are operating from based on the clues.
  5. Determine what the real truth is. (In my client’s case, she had to determine that we truly can’t control everything, but we can take our power back in everything and more effectively handle hurdles as they come.)
  6. Give yourself a new experience. (In my client’s case, she had to continue to relinquish control, and learn to consciously recognize when it worked out wonderfully. She then began to let the new evidence sink in, and let the struggle and frustration become empowerment to handle challenges when they arise.)

When you choose to stay victim to reasons (excuses) for failure, you choose to stay disempowered, upset, confused, and it interrupts you from adapting to the changes you want to make.

When you draw on the clues from past failures, you empower yourself to never let them stop you again.

I will gladly help you through this process via my private coaching or group coaching programs.

Next step—plan your celebration when you achieve that next big goal!

 

 

 

The Only Path to Your Goal that Matters

Your Dreams, Your Journey

Country Road

I didn’t have a clue before.

Now, when I step out of my comfort zone into something new, which to keep growing means I’m doing it a LOT, I feel the same way every time. It’s like I’m a brand new white belt all over again.

My saving grace when I’m going for something completely new is I have surrounded myself with support, specifically the knowledge and experience of others who have done what I want to do. That doesn’t completely take away the “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” thoughts, but it does give me the courage to do what I need to do anyway.

I have gained so muchfrom other coaches’ blueprints, road maps, step-by-step guides, how-tos, live events, and coaching programs, both in mindset as well as practical business and marketing areas. Every single one of those programs I’ve invested in (which ranged from hundreds of dollars to 5-figures—yes, I’ve participated in a 5-figure coaching program and loved it!)… every single one was in one way or another a major, necessary step up to helping me grow and evolve until I am typing this post, recognizing I am truly on the path, having heeded the call of my purpose.

Those programs have all given me a foundation for my life and business and helped me begin putting some tools and system in place to serve my clients.

 

What they haven’t done, is explained to me the exact opportunities that would propel me forward.

How can they? The formulas are guidelines to get you moving, and you have to have those in place to create a space for the real magic to come in. That usually involves specific opportunities that become available to you, which could never have been predicted.

I went to Suzanne Evans and Larry Winget’s Hell Yeah Star event in the fall of 2013, which focused on creating your personality brand through your look, your book, and your talk. I attended knowing that someday, somehow I was going to write a book and speak in the media and at event to share my message of awareness and hope. I learned incredibly valuable information and had an amazing transformational experience while at HYS.

Now, a little over a year later, I have had three national radio segments on Your Weekend with Jim Brickman, two local news interviews on camera for ABC and FOX affiliates, a live AM talk radio interview in Salt Lake City, I am going to be interviewed for their show again to air on March 7, and I’m being scheduled for a high profile celebrity’s new podcast next month. I’m editing two chapters from my book so my manager can begin to shop literary agent and traditional publisher connections he has. And more to come.

Those are examples of what new and exciting opportunities will come your way. For some, it’s not about media exposure or sharing a message on that scale, rather it’s about getting and serving their next five clients, finding the solution to a family dispute, or learning how to care for so many responsibilities without neglecting themselves. Regardless of the specific goal, the point remains.

All of the coaching I’ve participated in has helped me prepare, but nothing could have predicted how this has and will continue to play out.

The path that actually caused the massive progression I’m experiencing was (and is) my action on my inspired purpose.

The only path that truly matters is your authentic purpose.

Your authentic purpose set on a solid foundation drives the path. With support, coaching, and some semblance of systems in place, when you follow your authentic purpose, and doors will fly open.

I can track key events on a timeline that facilitated all of this, from my major breakthrough that shattered my income ceiling for the first time and simultaneously gave me the self-respect and courage I needed to leave my abuse marriage, to my reaching out to my non-scripted talent manager having only a small idea of what I was hoping to learn from him, to my shedding of my crippling fear of judgment I posted about a couple weeks ago, to so many other moments.

I could take it back even further to the realization I had in my twenties that I couldn’t stay longer than a year and a half at any job. Some would say I wasn’t willing to pay my dues or do what it takes to care for myself financially, but I’ve come to understand that it was part of my divine nature to recognize inspiration and the fact that I was made to do so much more in this world than be owned by a boss and clock in and clock out. Have there been a lot of struggles trying to figure it all out? Heck yeah. But every single one has been worth it to be where I am today and where I am going.

I could even take it back as far as I can remember when we were on a road trip and my dad would ask me about my dreams for when I grew up. I described to him the restaurant I wanted to own, and the design I drew with eyes all over the exterior. (WTH was that about?!) I planned an amusement park where there was a giant giraffe structure that would show movies in the belly and one of the legs was a slide you use to exit. My dad was pivotal in fostering my imagination and developing my problem-solving/analytical part of my thinking. He passed away a few years ago, and those two skills are among my greatest assets as an entrepreneur.

All of these experiences are part of my authentic journey, and these last few months have been the pinnacle result of those in my life thus far. It’s thrilling beyond measure, and I hope you are likewise heeding the call for your life! If you are, then now is the perfect time for you to join me and others like us in my next Inner Circle Group Coaching Program where I will help you clear out the boulders in the path, and create your own opportunities.

Your life is waiting, the time is now. Learn more and register here.