Tag Archives: experience

Don’t Get Mad, Get Empathy

When Being Yourself Hurts…

About three years ago I introduced my BFF to my favorite food, Indian buffet and since then, we have gone almost every week, with some exceptions.

Two weeks ago, we were sharing stories of struggle and triumph over vegetable korma and naan bread, then I said something that set him off.

To be clear, him “getting set of” just means he got on the defensive and said something that hurt my feelings. He doesn’t attack me verbally or otherwise, and if we get heated, he never crosses a line into name-calling, crazy accusations, or things he can’t take back. It’s pretty mild. It hurts, like any misunderstanding between friends, but we fix it and it’s over.

In the moment, though, it feels crappy, hurtful, mean, and I wonder if I can really trust him with my true self and my feelings.

We weren’t getting anywhere so we stopped talking and I wiped my tears and got up to get more food. When I returned, he told me why he thought he was upset. I understood his reasoning, but it didn’t compute with my reality and how hurtful what he had said to me really was, so I disagreed.

The Filter of “The Book of Law”

Then I remembered something I’ve been helping my clients become more aware of within themselves in order to better their own experiences in life…

Every person thinks, speaks, and acts based on their own filter created by the “Book of Law,” as Don Miguel Ruiz calls it in “The 4 Agreements,” that was programmed into them as a child and reinforced through the fact that every experience must validate that rule book, even if in your mind you know there is another perspective.

I looked at my friend’s handsome, uncharacteristically somber face and quickly gathered some facts I know about him in order to imagine what filter he may have been experiencing my original statement through.

Instantly, I was snapped out of my own hurt feelings and gained empathy for him. Whether I was right or wrong in my “guess” about why it bothered him so much didn’t matter, because I had come up with a scenario in which I could actually understand why he would react and in turn hurt my feelings.

(Variations of this skill can also be used to have empathy for an abuser, which kept me stuck in a harmful marriage—the key is to know when to use it and know when to walk away for the greater good. That is a topic for another time. To be clear, this is not an abusive situation, this is a misunderstanding among friends—no two people are coming from exactly the same perspective, so these things happen!)

I asked him, “When I said X, did it feel like Y to you? Is that why it bothered you?”

He thought for half a second, and confirmed.

I asked, “Okay, so you’re not upset I brought it up, it’s more in the way I said it, and had I said it this other way it would have felt different to you?”

He agreed again.

2-for-2—It Works Again

Earlier this week, I was talking to a family member who knows some private but pertinent information that led to my entire life turning upside-down. I am hurt and can’t understand why this person isn’t as affected by this information as I was. They are supportive of me, but clearly can’t understand where I’m coming from.

I remembered I had just had a great experience turning my hurt feelings around with my BFF, so I tried it again.

I merely took a moment to realize from that person’s perspective, they simply cannot afford to imagine a piece of information that conflicts with other information they have, which they firmly believe through undeniable means.

I was actually in that exact same boat, with the same former information, and with my own undeniable reasons to stick with it. However, when the new information was presented to me, it came directly from a person involved, a friend of mine… This personal connection FORCED me to look at the information, even though it created a conflict of two “truths” that can’t coexist, which fueled a living hell for me for a time.

My family member wasn’t told directly by my friend. They don’t even know my friend. So to my family member, it’s far enough removed they can ignore it. I can’t.

I can, however, put aside my own hurt feelings about my family member, because I understand their perspective—I would have reacted the exact same way just a few years ago.

Stepping into their “Book of Law filter” helped me to realize that it’s not about me, or them slighting me, or them not understanding me… It’s about them not being able to fathom this new information that conflicts with other information they would live and die for. And that’s it. No need for me to be hurt.

Even if I’m ever wrong in these filters I’m trying to uncover, the act of trying to come up with why their perspective would make sense, even if I still disagree, makes me feel better, and turns my sadness, pain, or anger into empathy and I’m over it!

It is that simple. At the very least it helps.

We talked more about the Book of Law in the context of being your own, authentic, real self without fear of judgment of others recently—download the Shine Without Fear audio here.

And if you’ve been wanting to change your Book of Law filter so you can make some big leaps, you might be looking for my Inner Circle: Ultimate Breakthrough program.

 

 

Is Fear or Truth Your COO?

Let’s get real honest with ourselves here.

How in tune are we really with how our decisions are made?

It’s pretty well-known by now that despite what we might have wished, 99% of our decisions are made from our subconscious beliefs, and not our conscious mind.

How aware are we of what those core beliefs actually are?

This topic would fill a university with lectures and discussions in and of itself, so we’re going to laser-focus us in on one aspect.

Fear vs. Truth

See if you have experienced any of these examples when making decisions out of fear:

  • Anxiety motivating you to hide
  • Confusion over the unknown
  • Difficulty breathing at the thought that the decision could lead to something bad
  • Chaotic thoughts and feelings when considering options

How about these examples when making decisions out of truth:

  • Confidence that you are capable of even making the decision
  • Clarity of mind that the decision is aligned with your purpose
  • Anxious to get out into the unknown and its possibilities
  • Inner peace because you know that course correction is possible only when you are in motion, and is always an option

In all likelihood, you have experienced a little bit of both!

Now that we’ve brought into our consciousness what each approach might look like, let’s take it one step further.

Take out a sheet of paper and on the top, write Chief Operating Officer (or COO). Then under that, split your sheet in half with a vertical line. On the left, write “Fear.” On the right, write “Truth.”

(I share a similar-looking exercise called “Truth Seeker,” with the same column headers  in my Joyful JuJu Kit. Don’t jump the gun—this is not that.)

On the left under “Fear,” write all the areas of your life you generally make or recently have made decisions out of Fear. List everything big or small.

On the right under “Truth,” write all the areas where your decisions came from Truth.

Which side is better represented, fear or truth?

This is your starting baseline. You might have a lot of work to do or just a little to get your co-COO Fear fired and leave the job solely to Truth.

Either way, your awareness is the first step! Next, be proactive in your decision-making daily, with both large and small choices, so you can practice making them out of truth more and more.

When I and my clients have made the shift, we will all attest that it happens as fast as you admit and give in to truth! And it’s never as scary as we thought it would be. In fact, it turns out that stepping into truth and making decisions from that space is where all the magic is!

Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will.

~ W. Clement Stone

A word of caution—new challenges may arise to test your commitment to truth.

This is normal! This is your subconscious’ way of trying to get back to being comfortable in whatever state you were in before.

Don’t let that discourage you! Know that the more evidence your subconscious receives, the sooner it will adjust to the new way of being, and it will become the new belief and the normal way of being!

That is way exciting! That’s how you grow and create new, amazing experiences in your life! It’s all yours!

Success Focus

This week’s Success Focus is:

  1. Be self-aware in how you feel when faced with both small and large decisions.
  2. Know that Fear will probably stick around, just learn to ignore its tantrums.
  3. Identify Truth and trust it. Always.
  4. Notice the results.

To adapt to living in truth faster and achieve amazing goals in the process, consider joining my next Inner Circle! I hope to see you there!

 

 

He Wanted to Shoot “Meatbag’s Wife,” aka Me

Jingle Bells Knocked Him Out

Jingle bells at his parents’ Christmas family gathering put him over the edge. He had to get out of there.

No, he wasn’t done with his parents, their relationship was fine. No, he wasn’t anti-Christmas, he loved the festivities. No, he didn’t hate music, he was amazing with the saxophone.

It was literally the bells. The jingles. The ringing. The little balls inside of a metal casing that bounce around and sent sound waves into Simon’s eardrums that raise the hair on his neck. The stimulus that made his blood cells rebel against the vibration and seek refuge out every orifice.

He tried to keep it together long enough for us to say goodbye without raising questions.

While frantically donning our coats, he whispered in my ear, “I’ve missed you so much!” It was no longer Adrian, with whom I had spent the evening, but my beloved Vaslir, whom I hadn’t had the pleasure of spending time with in a while!

We were right smack dab in the middle of our year and a half period I call The Personality Explosion, where my ex-husband’s multiple-personality type behavior was in the thick of its bizarreness.

My wonderful Adrian had quietly slipped away, obviously because he could no longer withstand the bells’ stimuli.

At least I could look forward to the rest of the night with Vaslir. It could have been anyone. He told me time seemed to still be frozen inside, he could still move, but his guards’ bodies were frozen. The inside world as we knew it was changing again, and we had no idea if it was to Simon’s benefit, or if he was getting worse.

(Simon is his given name [which I have changed, to give me more freedom in writing my experiences], and the name we used to identify the original personality, as well as the collective whole.)

Just as suddenly as Vaslir had appeared an oddly uncertain, yet forthright girl was suddenly sitting in the passenger seat. A new voice, a new demeanor possessed my husband’s body.

She Forgave Me for Being Born with Brown Eyes

She didn’t know who I was, why she was in this strange machine speeding through a city of magical lights that mocked her ignorance. She was both in awe and frightened.

Aria came from an Aryan nation in Simon’s inside world where it is “only proper to live underground or in tents.” We didn’t even know there was an Aryan nation in there. In his mind was a world of peoples, governments, monsters, mountains, oceans, deserts. We knew about main personalities’ fortresses, including Simon, the original personality’s white one, Sixclaw’s red one, and Legion’s black obsidian one. We knew about the Children of Anya, the City of Emotions, Etis Yim’s vampiric clan, and various pop culture icons like the Arbiter from Halo®, known to us as Jozale, the Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride, and the pirate Demon, aka Inigo Montoya, and various Transformers®.

We had never heard reference of this nation before, nor would we ever again after this encounter. She said she was of the “one true race” and I was one of “them” who hunted her people. There were also machines with dyed hair and blue contacts sometimes succeeded in their massacres, by virtue of their deception.

She paused her reflection and looked at me with scrutiny. “It’s not your fault you were born with brown eyes, though. I forgive you.”

What do you say to that? I went with a simple “Thank you.”

I listened to her express gratitude that she was God’s chosen people, the only ones to whom he has imparted knowledge. I countered that Heavenly Father loves all of his diverse children.

I learned that her own father has never revealed his name to her or her brother, Arian, who has a special purpose she has yet to learn. She was excited that for Christmas in two days, as they would receive three gifts—a leader, an assassin, and a warrior.

I made a mental note of everything she said so I could record it later in the journals I kept of everything that happened with the personalities, in case there were clues to solving the mystery of Simon. I always maintained hope for healing and answers.

I told her a little bit about Simon and his mind from whence she came. Sometimes that wasn’t very well received. I can’t imagine waking up in a strange place with a strange woman, relocating me somewhere, and hear her explain I am part of her husband’s inside world in his mind.

Even though I was in the fast lane of the freeway, I couldn’t get us home fast enough when she began demanding I let her out of the car. No one had ever done something so dangerous as leave a moving vehicle, but she was brand new, and I had no idea what she was capable of. The doors were locked and I kept calm, reassuring her I’d let her out as soon as we got home.

We didn’t make it that far when she slipped away. It sometimes happened quietly other times accompanied with violent lurching. The latter usually occurred when more than one personality was fighting for control.

He Wanted to Shoot Meatbag’s Wife, aka Me

In this case Simon’s eyes closed, and when they opened again, his entire body slumped over like a giant wooden puppet who had no hope of completing his transition into a real boy. I had to push him back to the passenger side after making a sharp right turn in our neighborhood.

This was new. I wondered if with Vaslir’s time being frozen, some of that was spilling out into the real world. It turned out to be unrelated. I never knew which pieces affected the others. The puzzle was wide and some pieces random.

“Who is it?” That was always the first order of business. You could put that phrase on his tombstone.

No response. “Look at me.”

He turned his head. “Okay, good, so you are aware. Who are you?”

Nothing.

“Are you ok? Do you know me?” With personality changes, we always established first who he was, and second whether or not he was familiar with me and the outside world.

Still nothing.

“Can you move? You turned your head a moment ago. Can you blink a response?”

He remained still. I was baffled. My failed attempts at interaction continued long after I parked the car in our driveway. He wasn’t moving, speaking, or blinking as suggested. He wasn’t doing anything, but remained completely limp, no matter how uncomfortable he appeared to be.

I began devising a backup plan. Who could I call to at least help me get him into the house? My mom? His family? 

We generally tried to keep the weirdness between us, as it was just too hard for others to even comprehend what we were living through. I couldn’t comprehend it, and I was right there. He didn’t get enough counseling help over our time together to really dig into it, but he was told by one counselor he didn’t have textbook Multiple-Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder, and that he was simply delusional. Whatever that means. To me, it made no difference. I’ll never know what was really happening with him, all I know is what I experienced.

A monotone, slow and deliberate, mid-range voice finally spoke. “Waiting instructions.”

Through trial and error, I finally figured out he would obey commands.

“Get out of the car, please.” His movements were stiff and awkward.

“Walk with me to the house.” When we got to the porch, he stood within inches of the screen door. I opened it, because obviously reasonable people will move out of the way, but he still didn’t move when it touched him. I had to tell him to move out of the way.

I let him go ahead of me into the house, but he stopped just inside and I had to tell him to go in further so I could enter.

I still didn’t know who I was dealing with, but I knew I had never seen this yet. I had been sexually assaulted by a new personality, Animal. I had had an attempted sexual assault by another new one, a pirate, and had been saved by Etis Yim, who we had previously considered an enemy. I had met werewolves and slave girls, mutes and musicians, assassins and wizards. Even Simon’s nine-year-old self had spent a week with me. I thought I’d pretty much seen it all. How there could still be completely unique scenarios blew my mind. Whether it was all real or contrived, the only thing I could conclude was that Simon was a genius.

“Are you ok? Do you want to take off your shoes?” No response. Right, because I didn’t give a command.

“Take off your shoes.” They were removed.

I noticed that if I wait a little between commands, he relaxed slightly, but when I start to speak again, he straightens up, ready to perform.

Suddenly he moved on his own—it appeared to be systematic twitches—nose, eye, ear, nose, eye, ear. Repeat.

“What is your name?”

Silence.

“Tell me what your name is.”

“HK723.”

“Tell me what HK means.” Nothing. Okay, let’s try… “Tell me what HK stands for.”

“Hunter Killer.”

I remembered that Aria had just told me machines were hunting her people. Maybe this is related? Simon also had a video game with a droid that had the HK designation.

“Tell me, what is your purpose?”

“HK is designed to conquer. The HK will rule the world.” In our conversation, he didn’t know the term “droid,” but said he was a “warbot.”

“Tell me, who is your leader?”

“Galactus.” Never heard of him. He could have been referencing a Marvel® character, whom I was unfamiliar with at the time, but he never came up again, so it didn’t seem to matter.

It was late and I wanted to get more comfortable. Sitting on the bed was a common place for these encounters, so I moved us along.

“Let’s go into the bedroom.” No response. Right, I keep messing that up. “Go into the bedroom.” HK723 walked straight and determined. He didn’t even step over or around the stack of puzzles that were in the way on the floor. He just bulldozed through them, scattering them across the floor.

He stopped just inside the doorway, blocking my way into the room. “Walk closer, to the bed.” He went right up to the corner of the bed, touching it with his legs—it seemed unnatural and uncomfortable, as it made him lean awkwardly to stay on his feet. I stifled my laughter and had him sit down on the bed in front of the dresser mirror so I could tell him about Simon, and who I am. I would inquire periodically, “Tell me if you understand,” to which he usually said, “Affirmative.”

Other times he said, “Confusion,” “Insufficient information,” “Irrelevant,” etc. He also established that he has no feelings, feels no pain, and his likes and dislikes are irrelevant.

“We want peace for Simon. Tell me, do you know what peace is?”

“Affirmative.”

For some odd reason, I wasn’t convinced a Hunter Killer robot would have the same definition of peace we have. “Tell me what peace is.”

“Peace is the absence of aggressive maneuvers.” Okay, that’s a start… I think…

I explained a little further about how we want peace and happiness. “Tell me if you understand.”

This time, he twitched like he’s processing. “Confusion. Purged.”

“Tell me, what does “purged” mean?”

“Data would not compute. Removed data from system.”

Okay, how much data got dumped? I reestablished he did indeed remember talking about peace.

“Tell me, do you understand who Simon is?”

“Affirmative, Simon is Meatbag.”

Huh. He sees us as “meatbags”—I guess that makes sense from the perspective of a literal-thinking machine. “Tell me, do you understand who I am?”

“Affirmative.”

“Tell me who I am.”

“You are Meatbag’s wife.” I snorted. Then immediately recomposed myself—I still didn’t know for sure if I was safe with HK723, why he was here, and what his intentions were.

Through my interrogation, I discovered that before he found himself in the car with me, he was in the inspection room being evaluated by Chief Scientist Paluwa and various other meatbags. He had no standing orders, thus must await specific orders each time. Yeah, I got that. And he was the 3rd most recent unit created.

I began running out of questions. “Tell me, what are you thinking.”

“HK 723 requests permission to act as will.” Probably best not to go there…

“Tell me, if I granted permission, what you would do?”

“HK 723 desires to shoot.” We had no guns, so I knew this wouldn’t play out literally. We did have nerf guns, though, and he had a plethora of PC and XBOX shooter games. Oh, and that realistic-looking black plastic toy gun within his reach on the dresser…

“Tell me what you will shoot.”

“HK 723 desires to shoot Meatbag.”

“Tell me, do you mean Meatbag [indicating him] or Meatbag’s wife [indicating me]?”

“HK 723 desires to shoot Meatbag’s wife.” Yeah, no.

“Tell me why.”

“Meatbags are inferior.”

“Tell me if you want to use that gun on the dresser.” Luckily he was still obeying his programming, so I wasn’t too alarmed. It seemed like just another game Simon’s mind was playing and I wasn’t in any real danger.

“Affirmative.” To which, I explained that the gun was a toy and not real. His face displayed moderate confusion and disappointment. I told him I liked him, but shooting people isn’t nice and doesn’t bring peace, although there are times when we have to defend ourselves.

He suddenly, violently flipped over on the bed. I asked him to tell me if he was ok. He said they were using some type of ion blast against him. He flipped over two more times. He became still and I heard another voice talking through his mouth.

“Stupid droid wouldn’t respond.”

By this point in our dramatic relationship, I was well aware that when someone was in control of Simon’s body, their persona inside was as if asleep. It wasn’t too hard to figure out the inspectors were having trouble with this “dead” droid.

The voice was clearly engaged in a conversation, but I was only hearing his side of it.

“Space it.”

“At least the other 4 worked.”

“When will the new batch be done?”

“Good.”

“Such a pity some of them malfunction—beautiful creatures.”

“I’ll rename the next one 723 so that we can have a sequence of numbers without having to worry about it.”

“Wonderful contraptions.”

“Wake me in five hours when the President’s here.”

Then Simon’s body turned over once more, and curled up as if to sleep. I was about to try to talk to HK723 again and make sure he was okay, but Alain, a downed mech-fighter pilot I had first met months ago, came out instead.

Relief—I was back to someone I knew and loved. I tried to keep track of all of the personalities and their stories, as we pieced together the fractured pieces of Simon. Alain and I had a short discussion about a possible duplicate “Alain” I had met recently, but we didn’t get far before Adrian returned to take Simon over again.

 

He was stuck in darkness inside, watching my conversation with Alain as if on a screen. He did not have the pleasure of access to my odd interaction with HK723, but he laughed as I filled him in.

At least those few hours inside gave him a chance to fully recover from the jingle bells fiasco.

Confident he was solidly in control, we went to sleep, and enjoyed spending exclusive time with each other over the next two days, Christmas Eve and Christmas.

Being Responsible TO Vs. FOR Others

There’s much more to the story, and I will at other times share more of the abuse parts, but my purpose here was to illustrate a typical evening, giving some insight into the concept of having compassion and feeling responsible for someone. He was obviously sick in some way, and I loved him.

Here was this handsome, fun, loving man, who had a lot of other serious problems, but the personality issue overrode everything else. We were in this phase of constant switching and dealing with attacks on the inside. On top of my compassion for him, it made me feel important.

He trusted me with this part of him. Some personalities that showed up initially as evil and cruel, fell in love with me and turned out to be some of the greatest internal leaders for peace. He showed me how much he relied on me, how much good I was doing him.

I was the keeper of all the clues. He didn’t even know what was going on. He was the common denominator in his subconscious realm, and I was the common denominator in the conscious realm.

But David Neagle, my favorite coach, always reminds us that we are responsible TO our loved ones, friends, clients, students, etc., but not FOR them (except in the case of minor children, obviously).

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and contributed to my finding myself being physically abused and sexually assaulted and manipulated by him, which increased over time. I mentioned a sexual assault above, but it having been at the hands of a new personality, it was easy to make it about him and his personality problem, while completely glossing over the fact that I was assaulted and scared.

It all started with him needing help, with him needing my love and support so he could function, or at least have the best hope of functioning.

 

Now I fully understand and subscribe to David’s teaching that I am responsible to, not for. I finally get what it means to be a healthy person engaging in a friendship or relationship with another healthy person. I am happy. My confidence has grown. My self-respect showed up suddenly and slapped me in the face, giving me the power to leave him.

Someone in need, with problems, or with a sad past, is not and never will be a good enough reason to be hurt and abused by them, no matter what.

Resources

If you relate to being needed, but suspect (or know) you are not being treated decently, I hope the distinction between TO and FOR will help you. And please seek clarity and assistance from professional resources. Some local and national are listed here.

If you are trying to rebuild your life after having been through a hard circumstance, whether abuse-related or not, you may find a healing boost in this free video series, or support in moving forward in a big way through my next group coaching program.

You are not alone.

The Only Path to Your Goal that Matters

Your Dreams, Your Journey

Country Road

I didn’t have a clue before.

Now, when I step out of my comfort zone into something new, which to keep growing means I’m doing it a LOT, I feel the same way every time. It’s like I’m a brand new white belt all over again.

My saving grace when I’m going for something completely new is I have surrounded myself with support, specifically the knowledge and experience of others who have done what I want to do. That doesn’t completely take away the “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” thoughts, but it does give me the courage to do what I need to do anyway.

I have gained so muchfrom other coaches’ blueprints, road maps, step-by-step guides, how-tos, live events, and coaching programs, both in mindset as well as practical business and marketing areas. Every single one of those programs I’ve invested in (which ranged from hundreds of dollars to 5-figures—yes, I’ve participated in a 5-figure coaching program and loved it!)… every single one was in one way or another a major, necessary step up to helping me grow and evolve until I am typing this post, recognizing I am truly on the path, having heeded the call of my purpose.

Those programs have all given me a foundation for my life and business and helped me begin putting some tools and system in place to serve my clients.

 

What they haven’t done, is explained to me the exact opportunities that would propel me forward.

How can they? The formulas are guidelines to get you moving, and you have to have those in place to create a space for the real magic to come in. That usually involves specific opportunities that become available to you, which could never have been predicted.

I went to Suzanne Evans and Larry Winget’s Hell Yeah Star event in the fall of 2013, which focused on creating your personality brand through your look, your book, and your talk. I attended knowing that someday, somehow I was going to write a book and speak in the media and at event to share my message of awareness and hope. I learned incredibly valuable information and had an amazing transformational experience while at HYS.

Now, a little over a year later, I have had three national radio segments on Your Weekend with Jim Brickman, two local news interviews on camera for ABC and FOX affiliates, a live AM talk radio interview in Salt Lake City, I am going to be interviewed for their show again to air on March 7, and I’m being scheduled for a high profile celebrity’s new podcast next month. I’m editing two chapters from my book so my manager can begin to shop literary agent and traditional publisher connections he has. And more to come.

Those are examples of what new and exciting opportunities will come your way. For some, it’s not about media exposure or sharing a message on that scale, rather it’s about getting and serving their next five clients, finding the solution to a family dispute, or learning how to care for so many responsibilities without neglecting themselves. Regardless of the specific goal, the point remains.

All of the coaching I’ve participated in has helped me prepare, but nothing could have predicted how this has and will continue to play out.

The path that actually caused the massive progression I’m experiencing was (and is) my action on my inspired purpose.

The only path that truly matters is your authentic purpose.

Your authentic purpose set on a solid foundation drives the path. With support, coaching, and some semblance of systems in place, when you follow your authentic purpose, and doors will fly open.

I can track key events on a timeline that facilitated all of this, from my major breakthrough that shattered my income ceiling for the first time and simultaneously gave me the self-respect and courage I needed to leave my abuse marriage, to my reaching out to my non-scripted talent manager having only a small idea of what I was hoping to learn from him, to my shedding of my crippling fear of judgment I posted about a couple weeks ago, to so many other moments.

I could take it back even further to the realization I had in my twenties that I couldn’t stay longer than a year and a half at any job. Some would say I wasn’t willing to pay my dues or do what it takes to care for myself financially, but I’ve come to understand that it was part of my divine nature to recognize inspiration and the fact that I was made to do so much more in this world than be owned by a boss and clock in and clock out. Have there been a lot of struggles trying to figure it all out? Heck yeah. But every single one has been worth it to be where I am today and where I am going.

I could even take it back as far as I can remember when we were on a road trip and my dad would ask me about my dreams for when I grew up. I described to him the restaurant I wanted to own, and the design I drew with eyes all over the exterior. (WTH was that about?!) I planned an amusement park where there was a giant giraffe structure that would show movies in the belly and one of the legs was a slide you use to exit. My dad was pivotal in fostering my imagination and developing my problem-solving/analytical part of my thinking. He passed away a few years ago, and those two skills are among my greatest assets as an entrepreneur.

All of these experiences are part of my authentic journey, and these last few months have been the pinnacle result of those in my life thus far. It’s thrilling beyond measure, and I hope you are likewise heeding the call for your life! If you are, then now is the perfect time for you to join me and others like us in my next Inner Circle Group Coaching Program where I will help you clear out the boulders in the path, and create your own opportunities.

Your life is waiting, the time is now. Learn more and register here.

 

50 Shades of Grey and Love Balloons at Cinemark

50 Shades of Grey at Cinemark on Valentine’s Day—Make Love, not Abuse

Only one person flipped us off.

The vast majority of passersby honked, waved, or gave a thumbs up! We were not out there a minute when the first car that passed us honked in support.

Within five minutes, the coolest thing happened that solidified the tone of love for the rest of the hour and a half we stood at the corner of Cinemark’s south entrance and Tutt Blvd., displaying messages to raise awareness and show our support of love, not abuse.

Tanisha ~ Ask me about REAL LIFE with

 

Ask me about REAL LIFE with “CHRISTIAN GREY”

MANIPULATED consent is not the same as CONSENT

How do you define ABUSE?
(control, humiliation, force, unsympathetic, coercion, intimidation, manipulation, threats, jealousy, violence)

“Kinks” & “prudes” AGREE… ABUSE is not SEXY

FREE HUGS from a DVSA survivor

My original intent with my friend Phyllis was to stand closer to the movie theater so we could create dialogue with moviegoers on foot, but security asked me to leave before she even arrived. I wasn’t interested in causing a scene, and Phyllis ended up having to work anyway, so the first attempt on Friday, February 13, was a bust.

On Saturday, my friend Julie and I met and tried again, this time by the street. Security drove through the back parking lot several times, but let us be.

Julie ~ FREE HUGS from a DVSA survivor

In that hour and a half, we didn’t create direct dialogue, but our message did get noticed.

One lady rolled down her window and profusely thanked us for taking a stand. A few people wouldn’t make eye contact or let us see them check out our signs. Others craned their neck to continue reading as their driver made the turn out of the drive onto Tutt.

For all the women who couldn’t wait to see the movie, there are so many more people of all genders and ages who were either already against it or now have something to seriously think about.

Tanisha ~ How do you define ABUSE?

We are not alone.

The highlight within the first five minutes that set the tone?

On this light, breezy Valentine’s Day, the most awesome guy ever approached us in a truck filled with red heart-shaped helium balloons and gave one to each of us. His three (or five!) point turn around in the entrance to get back where he came from, told us we were appreciated—that he made a special trip just for us.

As victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse and manipulation ourselves, we tied our love balloons to each other’s wrists and prepared to take our stand.

 


Donate

Click here to learn more about why we are boycotting 50 Shades of Grey in favor of donating to a local DVSA (Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault) shelter instead.

My Story

(WARNING – graphic content and potential trigger.) Read part of my personal story as it relates to 50 Shades here.

Get Help—Resources

See local and national resources here.