Tag Archives: confidence

The One True Straight and Narrow Path

For some, the term “Straight and Narrow Path” is a moral code.

I grew up in a religion that used the phrase to indicate that moral code, plus a collection of behaviors, rites, and rituals one must accomplish in order to receive exaltation.

Years ago, well before my traumatic but beautiful faith transition, I started to see a new meaning unfold.

As I took step after step into my own personal awareness journey, I started to connect on a deeper level with character attributes—where they served me, where they went too far, and where they didn’t go far enough.

If I was working on a new coaching program, kung fu skill, or speaking engagement, I had to infuse my own confidence into the project in order to keep pressing ahead rather than quitting at every whisper of my past screaming at me that “I can’t.”

If I took that confidence too far, it turned into arrogance, infused with ego, and stopped me from seeking valuable support or feedback.

If I remained humble, but remembered all of the proof in my life that I’m truly “less than the dust of the earth,” I slipped into self-doubt and depression.

I started to realize there is a perfect place where confidence without arrogance, and humility without depression coexist.

This is the Straight and Narrow Path to ultimate joy and love.

This is that perfect place of BEing within ourselves that serves us and others in the best possible way.

Amend this Common Dichotomy Immediately…

This Straight and Narrow applies to all of the vast dichotomys of life, however one stands out to me today as I see clients, students, and friends subconsciously use one beautifully true principle to squash an even more important truth—the value of their own self-love.

Serving others is a critical component of a fulfilling life, however, hands down, most people overvalue serving others and undervalue honoring themselves.

Regardless of how much they know and believe this principle intellectually, the real, tangible results in their life indicate they don’t actually believe it in their very being.

If you take an honest look at the evidence in your life and discover this is you, then it’s time to flip it on its head!

You MUST begin with the utmost love and respect for yourself in order to create the best you to give to others—the best energy, value, hope, friendliness, love, clarity of mind, and the list goes on.

There can be no other way to successfully render loving service but to begin with you. To attempt to forget yourself and begin with another person, is to destroy the order of existence, and to deny those you would serve of the very best of yourself.

Those in my Tai Chi classes will recognize the successful resolution of this dichotomy in the principle of the substantial vs. unsubstantial, as it relates to the anchor of your self-love feeding the ability to serve others as much as you would like.

Of course, do not restrict yourself in serving others until you feel fulfilled—it’s a symbiotic relationship, in which you’ll rapidly achieve your balance when you use both aspects to feed and uplift the other.

The Many Faces of the Straight and Narrow

What other character traits are valuable, but can easily contradict each other when taken too far or not far enough?

Here are some examples:

  • Confidence & Humility
  • Self-Love & Serving Others
  • Exuding Joy & Processing Grief
  • Living in Abundance & Budgeting Realistically
  • Being Actively Fit & Pampering/Resting/Recovering
  • Working IN Your Business & Working ON Your Business
  • Productive Drive & Relaxation

Which of these do you feel are on point? Which are struggles for you?

Are there others that come to mind?

It’s a lifelong process to establish and live fully in your One True Straight and Narrow path of balance for benefit of your own greater good and of those around you. Awareness is the first step, followed by a commitment to adjusting.

Though this doesn’t happen overnight, we will establish the foundation for your balanced Straight and Narrow Path with the next group or private coaching offering.

UPDATE:

For May 2017 (or until spots fill, whichever comes first) I am slashing my coaching prices as I launch my new S.E.L.F. (Self-Empowered Life Formula) Coaching Program.

Send me an email at Support@TanishaMartin.com to schedule a complimentary SELF-Discovery session to see how your self-love mindset and success-driven actions rate and where they are stuck, holding you back from having the time, money, or energy to excel to your next level and to love your life right now.

 

Four Words that Will Change Everything Part 1

When you were first dazzled by the modern Cinderella story in Pretty Woman as Vivian emerged from her dark and uncertain life to become a lady in love and temporally cared for, did the vision of triumphant love and authenticity end with the credits when you left the theater?

Were you stuck on the saving actions of Edward? How he saved her from her tough life, even if you recognized she saved him as well?

Or did you realize that it was her story and as her story, it was all about her saving herself?

It wasn’t Edward. It was Vivian.

It’s never the external that saves us, though as influential factors they are greatly appreciated. The external isn’t the cause of our plight or out saving, it’s the result. Our experiences with the external circumstances are the result.

The result of what?

Of us. Of our lessons to be learned, our view points, and most significantly, the result our internal programming and mindset.

When the change happens, when our lives turn around, when that miracle comes through, it’s always because of us. Because we were ready to change, to bring our true authentic self forward, to breakthrough, stretch, and grow, even if it scares the sh!t out of us.

We take in the support, the assistance, the divine guidance. We use those, and in the end, it works out because of us. Because of four little words Kit and Vivian told each other every time they went to work.

“Take care of you.”


This is the foundation of my new program, Design Your Empowered Life, where beauty and miracles infuse your individual goals and desires in your daily life as well as long-term goals. Confidence, energy, time, finances, and all that is necessary for joyful living are yours when you empower yourself with what you need and want. Take care of you and learn more here.

Hurry, because today (Friday, 10/14/16) is the last day for the special HelpFindKelsie.com discount.

To Be or Not to Be the REAL YOU

That is the question to which we all oscillate between conflicting answers—”Yes,” in theory, “no,” in reality.

Can You Be Your REAL Self AND Do Amazing Things?

We want to do amazing things, but we know we fall short. So short, we might not have to duck under low branches (staying small keeps us “safe” from opposition), but we still can’t reach the fruit (the magic that comes from stretching to live our deepest, most fulfilling lives).

We are flawed beings who may function and even thrive, but won’t ever get to that truly amazing place, because our screw-ups and problems keep us from ever being good enough.

This is what we often say to ourselves, or what we hear in the messages shouted at us by others and by our harsh challenges in life.

It isn’t the truth, though. Well, half of it is true, but the conclusion is completely off base.

Here’s what’s true:

  • You’re not perfect.
  • You do have flaws.
  • There have indeed been some screw-ups, messes, and hardships along the way.

Yeah, sometimes your real self sucks.

But… here’s what’s also true that we tend to forget:

  • That is NORMAL
  • That is part of being HUMAN
  • It MEANS nothing
  • You are worthy just as you are
  • That is beautiful

YOU Can Do Amazing Things

I want to be really clear…

You do not have to be someone other than yourself to do amazing things.

You do not have to be someone you are not to do amazing things.

You do not have to change who you are to do amazing things

YOU can do amazing things.

How do I know?

I’m pretty open about having a history of depression, social anxiety, and self-loathing, being a DVSA (domestic violence & sexual assault) survivor, and the fact that up until last year (when I went through the worst hell and most significant breakthrough of my life, a whole other story), I still had a suicidal thought regularly, like every week. This was BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER:

  • Achieving my 1st through 5th degree black belt ranks.
  • Taking over my kung fu school to be the owner and head instructor.
  • Taking commissions for fine art portraits.
  • Becoming a freelance graphic designer with local, national, and internationally relevant clients.
  • Creating massive breakthroughs in my life including busting through income barriers and leaving my abusive marriage.
  • Using my unique insight and experience to coach clients through their own personal or business breakthroughs.

Here’s my secret—

I didn’t wait until I was “perfect” or “better” to move forward in my life. I moved forward in my life so I could improve and be better.

I did all of those things and more IN SPITE of my flaws, weaknesses, and struggles. I just did it anyway.

This is what my clients do too. This is what you can do too.

So can you be your real self AND do amazing things?

Hell yes you can.

Besides, it’s not even you that has to change!

It’s the protective facade you have around yourself that has to be shed in order to reveal the real you.

It’s the “facade you” that is running the show manifesting what you have now, while the real you is tucked away inside, wanting something more or different, but staying safe from whatever you fear.

It’s that fear that we’re discussing on this FREE call, Shine Without Fear!

Fear of the judgment of others is so unbelievably common, we’re focusing on it as the main theme, and there are so many other fears to which this content will apply as well.

Yes, you will transform. No you will not lose yourself, rather you will gain so much more of yourself you will wonder why you ever doubted in the first place!

I hope to see you on the call. Learn more and register here.

In the meantime, do what you love through the fear. Do what you love in spite of your real or perceived flaws and weaknesses. Just do it anyway.

Unconditional Love For Everyone But You?

Why is it so easy to love our best friend, our child, or our pet unconditionally, but not ourselves?

When they are going through a hard time, we support them endlessly and we feel with such certainty they can get through it. We know without a doubt they are worth their own effort to overcome challenges, and we want nothing less than for them to look in the mirror and realize how amazing they are.

This is easy for us. This is “Being a Friend 101.” This is a no-brainer, and it comes from our heart naturally.

If it is so easy to see how much worth they have, why is it so hard for us to recognize that same self-worth for ourselves? I mean, we are in fact the most important person in our own lives. We are the center of our own Universe (look around you—everywhere you go, you are at the center). You must be pretty important, as you are the only one who has power over your own choices, your growth, your mood, and your life experiences. Your potential for the incredible is limitless, unless you have given that power away through your doubts, disbelief, and even just a slightly diminished self-worth.

Conditioning happens.

It is completely understandable that you can see such unlimited potential and unconditional worthiness in others, but not in yourself, because it’s not exactly your fault. We have all been conditioned with certain self-views from our childhood when we had no filter to reject messages that were harmful to us. The resulting programs operate in the background of our lives, in our subconscious mind, until we become aware and then consciously take steps to change them.

Some of that conditioning comes from these ideas or experiences many have had:

  • It’s better to give than to receive. (How can there be a giver without a receiver? How can someone else enjoy giving to us, if we don’t know how to truly receive?)
  • Lose yourself to find yourself. (We just never get back to the “find yourself” part…)
  • The constant message that fulfilling our own desires is selfish or bad. (Don’t get me started… this is so messed up.)

These messages may have come through those words, or through experiences, for example: exploring the world around you and being criticized by a parent (i.e. being scolded for tracking mud in the house after exploring nature, etc.)

Once those messages were received, they were automatically accepted, because we were too young to filter or judge those messages as true or harmful. Ever after, our subconscious mind’s job is to run the program and find continuing evidence of its truth.

There is hope!

 

As the Universe’s wisdom would have it, as adults, we have the opportunity to consciously find and recognize new evidence that supports a more serving message! We collect evidence that can’t be denied and we don’t stop this effort until the subconscious is satisfied and the program changes.

This is how change occurs. It begins from within and works in tandem with external changes, results, and evidence.

When it comes to self-worth, frankly, it’s terrifying to actually believe we are worthy of ultimate, unconditional love at a soul level, not just in your mind or even in your heart, but deep into every fiber, facet, and morsel of your being that you are worth unconditional love. It’s understandable why many make progress, but don’t feel like they ever really achieve that level of love for themselves.

But it doesn’t have to end there.

Love Yourself Challenge

The ability is already within you and the method is in this post—evidence. Choose to see, find, create the evidence that tells you you are worth unconditional love, and you will begin to embody that in every area of your life.

What difference would that make in your life? How much better would you feel? How much more energy would you have to give to your kids, your significant other, your work, your recreation?

I challenge you to love yourself first and foremost every moment of today, and then extend that to tomorrow and extend that again for at least a week. Just try it without holding back, and see how wonderful the results are!

Get there faster with support.

You don’t even have to do it alone. Positive body image expert Lynleigh Chamberlain and I are hosting a FREE call tonight to share with you the exact steps to take to accomplish this specifically around your physical self-view and beauty. (Bonus—the steps are the same for any area of self-worth!)

Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/loveyourbody

Got Fat?

I did. Like five years ago, and even though I tried to catch it and shed the weight, instead, I went up an additional pant size since then.

I’m not supposed to be fat. I’ve had a “thicker” body type, but I’ve never been this big. Compared to where I had always been in the past (when I oscillated between a 15-pound range or less, but never passed a certain point), I am fat.

My face doesn’t look like me, because I’m fat. It’s gotten older, ugly, and rarely pretty.

This isn’t what a Kung Fu Master should look like. I’m not living up to what I’m supposed to be.

Some might look at me and say (or think to themselves) I’m not as big as them, so I should shut up about it and quit making them feel worse about themselves for being even bigger than me.

Some may look at me and say, yeah, you need to drop a few. (A “few” is about 50 – 60 pounds right now, by the way.)

No wonder I’m single!

So that’s where I am today. But what is the common theme you notice in every single statement so far? Stop reading, take a second to look back and really think—what’s the common thread?

I can imagine a few things you might have come up with:

  • Everything is a judgment
  • So much negativity
  • “The whole tone is yucky, and I really don’t like it when people call people, themselves or others, ‘fat.'”

Did I miss one?

Yes, I did.

Every single statement about me being fat is based on a comparison of something else.

“I’m fat compared to:

  • What I was before.”
  • Someone else.”
  • What a Kung Fu Master should be.”
  • How I’m used to seeing my face in the past.”

Or even this—”I’m not fat compared to someone else who is fat compared to me.”

What we’re seeing is that my hatred of “being fat” is based on a comparison to something else, which leads to the judgment that it’s bad, which leads to the meaning that “I am bad and undesirable.”

This is where comparisons don’t serve us. They don’t serve us in body image. They don’t serve us in finances. They don’t serve us in other areas of self-worth or life.

Yet, this is how we operate as humans when we’re not in alignment with the truth of the universe.

Let me illustrate further with an analogy I learned from David Neagle.

Is this circle big or small?

o

What did you answer? Why?

What if I ask if it is big or small now?

. o

How about now?

. o O

In any case, you have to compare it to something else to determine if it is big or small.

Is it bad or good for the circle to be bigger or smaller? Neither, right?

What if it was a tree. Would the tree be bad or good because it was bigger or smaller than another one? Still neither.

The truth of the Universe on this matter is the the circle just is.

The tree just is.

I just am.

You just are.

And you are one with the Universe. You are not apart from it. You are a part of it. When you know and feel that, then and only then can you put a judgment and meaning on it.

And that judgment and meaning is that you are beautiful and wonderful and perfect in this moment. Period.

When we get in alignment with that truth, we can stop judging every ounce of fat we see on our bodies.

By far, the first and foremost important purpose in life is to love and be at peace with who you are, right now, in this moment, whether fat, skinny, pale, dark, clear, broken out or anything else.

Does that mean you can’t or shouldn’t make changes? No. It means you start with self-love, then you can evaluate desired changes based on love, not hate or fear.

On January 10, 2016, body image expert Lynleigh Chamberlain and I are holding an absolutely free call on this topic.

At the Love Your Body without Changing a Thing: 3 Steps to Feel Beautiful in the Skin You’re In teleclass, we are going to give you the exact steps Lynleigh took to discover her own true beauty and fall in love with herself as she is.

We all secretly want that, and after we have that, we can change anything we want, or not!

I hope you’ll join us. Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/loveyourbody