Tag Archives: coaching

A Fulfilling Life? That’ll Be Four Hundred Anxieties Please

How the Hell Did I Get on a Lion?

Yesterday I hit one of these moments when I was full of anxiety, tears, and brick-wall-head-banging. And today I read this article in Inc. Magazine, The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship, quoted here:

Successful entrepreneurs achieve hero status in our culture. We idolize the Mark Zuckerbergs and the Elon Musks. And we celebrate the blazingly fast growth of the Inc. 500 companies. But many of those entrepreneurs… harbor secret demons: Before they made it big, they struggled through moments of near-debilitating anxiety and despair—times when it seemed everything might crumble.

Until recently, admitting such sentiments was taboo. Rather than showing vulnerability, business leaders have practiced what social psychiatrists call impression management—also known as “fake it till you make it.” Toby Thomas, CEO of EnSite Solutions (No. 188 on the Inc. 500), explains the phenomenon with his favorite analogy: a man riding a lion. “People look at him and think, ‘This guy’s really got it together! He’s brave!'” says Thomas. “And the man riding the lion is thinking, ‘How the hell did I get on a lion, and how do I keep from getting eaten?'”
I’m so happy this is becoming increasingly less taboo, and more authentically admitted as part of many people’s realities!

The growing pains of stretching outside of your comfort zone can be, and usually are, brutal. So why do we do it?

Because that’s where all the magic of an amazingly fulfilling life is.

We are not satisfied with mediocre. We thrive on experiencing things we never thought we could, and we live on the joy of helping others.

Watch a few of my encouraging thoughts in this short 3-minute video:

If you’ve hit one of those walls in the journey, remember you are not broken, “messed up,” stupid, or unworthy! Just the opposite—you are especially amazing because you are in the process of creating!

Take a moment and cry it out if you need, then get back at it like a Tiger until you break through the challenges and reach your dream.

Remember Your Big WHY

I hit a massive wall two years ago, not long after I started the memoir project at 150Husbands.com I mentioned in the video above. I was terrified to take it on and start talking about topics of abuse that would require me to be raw and open about my own domestic violence story.

I actually chronicled it in video and shared my progression throughout the day as I pulled myself up. It’s a long post, but you’ll see in the very first video the two moments when I couldn’t lie to myself or to you, as I suddenly reconnected to my big why.

Even as I was expressing fear and doubt, I couldn’t buy it when I knew I was drawn to this path. Remember why you chose your path, who you’re doing it for. If it’s big enough, bigger than yourself, then you will lay down your self-doubts and get back on the path.

Make Sure You Are Well-Supported

There is no need to do it alone. Get a weekly tip and power meditation in our pre-program calls for Design Your Empowered Life with Tanisha Martin—ease stress, stay positive, and get energized! Get in on it at TanishaMartin.com/empoweredlife.

If you would like some extra laser focused support to get you through your last hurdles of 2016, I have a couple slots open in my end-of-year blast private coaching special. See details here.

Celebrate this Year’s Completion with a Bang!

Are You Celebrating or Hiding Out?

It’s that time again when we are deciding whether to celebrate all we accomplished this year, or to hang our head down and just try to make it through the holidays.

Even if the latter is true for you, it’s hard not to get at least a glimmer of hope as the energy of a new start in 2017 permeates the air that, “Next year will be different!” [Or “even better” if this year rocked your world!]

“I’ll finally shed that weight, grow my business, let go of an old lover, spend more time with my aging parent, etc., once and for all!”

I’m in that place with my weight. I’ve hovered at the highest weight I’ve ever been for a long time, which started when my ex and I were so broke we were living off free or 1/2-off pizza and pasta from his work. It makes me shudder to think that was my primary diet!

Even though we parted ways a several years ago, and my diet is much closer to my healthy standard now, I still haven’t kicked the weight. To further complicate it, I have had such painful back issues that culminated in knee pain that has severely limited my kung fu fitness.

Thankfully this year, it finally dawned on me that I am awesome at manifesting miracles out of the blue and seeing amazing results in other areas, so why not apply the exact same system I use and teach my clients with fantastic results to this issue?!!! Seems like a no-brainer, but it seriously didn’t occur to me until I was so frustrated with it I thought I might have to just give it all up.

Not two days after I determined I would turn this around using my own signature coaching process, one of my kung fu students contacted me and shared his experience not only in personal training, which I knew he did, but with post-rehab and corrective exercises. I was blown away that someone I had known for years might have a path to healing for me!

And that’s how this works—we make a decision (Spirit of the Crane, if you’ve been following me for any length of time) and an opportunity (Spirit of the Mantis) presents itself.

The other thing that comes up, however, is a challenge to make us quit, and those have been coming up right and left, until I recognize them and kick their trash because they are NOT stopping me (Spirit of the Tiger).

I am a few months in to a year-long effort to correct my body issues, then train up more aggressively for the following year, in order to prepare for the third year, which will be full of various pre-tests as I advance to 6th degree black belt.

I am on track and feel amazing every day I keep the goal in sight and do the work!

So what about you?

What do you want to achieve?
What are you ready to make happen once and for all?

What comes up for you when you think about it?

Is it all excitement and surety?

Or is there a hidden black cloud about ready to rain on your parade because:

  • You haven’t actually done it before
  • You always start a new goal or a new year’s resolution then forget about it within a few weeks
  • No one else will believe you can do it
  • You’ve made it this far without it, so why go through all the effort, it probably won’t happen anyway…

I hope you’re not latching on to those thoughts, but I know they creep in for most people.

Even with my weight, I’ve planned on dropping it for the last few years without success, but guess what is awesome about life? Past failures have no bearing on future successes. Neither do others’ thoughts about it—only your own thoughts and actions determine your rate of success.

We go around basing our choices on PROBABILITY based on our track records, while completely ignoring POSSIBILITY based on new choices we can EASILY make!

Yes, I said “easily.” It is easy. Change is surprisingly very easy. The only thing that makes it hard is our resistance to change. Clear the resistance and you can create any change you want in a very short time.

It’s time to make the changes you’ve had in mind all year to finally get the results you want.

You Are Right There—Make It Happen!

Since we are wrapping up 2016, and you and I both know that change is drastically easier when you have support, I am offering a special end-of-year private coaching package! Learn more here.

Or, if you’d rather ride out the holidays and begin with a bang in 2017, you can Design Your Empowered Life beginning January 10, 2017 through my brand new 3-month program. Learn more at TanishaMartin.com/empowered life.

Email me at Support@TanishaMartin.com if you would like a complimentary Discovery Session to more clearly determine how I can support you.

This life is yours, and it’s the only one you have.
Grab it and take it where you want to go!

Four Words that Will Change Everything Part 2

Last time, here at Tanisha Martin blog, we reminisced on the iconic movie Pretty Woman and those four words that make all the difference, “Take care of you.” (Check it out here if you missed it.)

Look around yourself for a moment and notice… No matter where you go or what you do, you are and have always been the center of your Universe. Of course everyone else’s world doesn’t revolve around you, but yours does! (And should.)

When we choose to accept the responsibility for being the center of our Universe, we choose to take in the beauty and appreciate it as well as ourselves for manifesting and recognizing that beauty. We also choose to evaluate and handle the challenges that come our way from the governing paradigm that it’s up to us to understand why we manifest them and find new solutions for desired results.

When we take responsibility for creating and embracing both the positive as well as the challenging, we complete the circle of power in our lives, and are able to manage and accomplish everything that is truly needed, and so much more!

Every client I’ve worked with for a variety of personal and business-related issues, had to first look at where they were or were not honoring themselves, and whether they were operating from a place of being a powerless victim or an empowered driving force in their lives.

Case Study: Opening up a maxed-out business to bring in $2000+ more a month.

One client of mine had built a thriving accounting business she ran solopreneur-style, and she wanted to add a new client that would bring in a couple thousand dollars more a month, but she was absolutely tapped out in time and energy.

We started by evaluating her mindset and identifying where she was or was not honoring herself in her personal and work life. To build a positive foundation, I had her start a Daily Fulfillment Ritual (all my clients have to do this, it’s that influential!), which varies per client and for her meant taking some quiet time to read her Bible and activate her love and spirituality for the day. This put her in the zone of being positive, open, and fulfilled each and every day.

Then we looked at some issues that were getting in the way of her productivity physically and emotionally. She established personal and professional boundaries and enforced them, which kept her from being a victim to others’ actions and put her back in the drivers’ seat.

She also adjusted her diet and exercise and started shedding some extra weight which gave her more energy and confidence.

From this healthy and improved self-honoring foundation, we then took practical action steps to create a smooth system for doing client work and open up space for the new client.

And every time her non-serving subconscious programs or limiting belief systems reared their ugly heads as she stretched out of her comfort zone to accomplish the truly amazing, I was there to help her get out of the muck and step back into her greatness.

My client set her goal, made the changes necessary, and was ready to add the new business and a couple more thousand dollars in income per month within a very short time!

It all stems from that core foundation of self-love and honoring, and flows out into the day-to-day actions.

Take Care of You

If you are ready to experience something like this in your own life without the struggle of endless trial and error to figure it out on your own, I have a few private coaching slots available right now at a special end-of-year Bust-the-Finish-Line rate and it also includes my new Design Your Empowered Life Platinum program (beginning January 10, 2017) as a FREE BONUS!

Email me at Tanisha@TanishaMartin.com or call (719) 377-2108 to schedule a complimentary, no-obligation Discovery Session to see if private coaching and Design Your Empowered Life is a good fit for you!

Rising Up: Raw, Unscripted, Uncut

It All Started When I Decided to Grow in a Big Way

They say, “New level, new devil.” Every time you have a breakthrough, you are thrust onto a new level, along with that comes greater awareness of what’s wonderful and what’s not so much… It doesn’t matter if you’re a single mom with two kids making minimum wage, or Ivanka Trump launching her new jewelry line, everyone struggles with stretching and growing. Both experience fear and anxiety over their next levels. I’m not comparing the level of consequences of failure in these two examples, but I am reminding us that what we go through is universal.

I am working on some things that I am not going to spell out yet, but suffice it to say it’s scary as hell for me—someone whose first 28 years were spent depressed and self-hating, someone who has lived in her car, someone who has been in an abusive marriage on many levels, and has made so many mistakes in the past I am still working on fixing some of them.

But I have also come to achieve so much. I have pulled myself up and become a 5th degree black belt Associate Master in Kung Fu, and I’ve helped women and men with their personal development through the kung fu school I now own and through my coaching practice.

No matter who or where I am, though, every time I stretch myself, a whole new can of worms opens up to try to stop me. As much as I wish it wasn’t so, this is actually to be expected. This is part of our subconscious’ job—to keep up safe and on familiar ground. And it’s our job to say, “Thank you, but no, thank you—I’m doing this anyway!”

Here’s where I was last Thursday morning. Actually this is a little after “where I was.” I was completely down, distraught, bawling my eyes out, alone, and unsure what the hell I’m doing. But I’ve been through that enough to know I can’t stay there. I resisted pulling myself out of my funk for a couple more hours, and while I still couldn’t imagine coming out of it at all, a thought popped into my head to make myself come out of it for you. For anyone who might be comforted or encouraged by watching my experience.

What follows are four videos taken throughout the day illustrating exactly how I kicked my own trash to get back to where I wanted to be emotionally and energetically to finish out the day strong. I’ll be analyzing my progress in terms of the 5 Simple Shifts to Live the Life You Love NOW.

The entire experience as well as the videos themselves are 100% raw, unscripted and uncut.

 


Video #1—Fear, Doubt, and Worry
10:03 A.M. 6 min. 3 sec.

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

1—Sparrow: Truth and my BIG WHY

I didn’t catch this moment of pure gold until I watched the videos later. I was describing why I was upset, albeit vaguely, but notice where a CLEAR shift occurred…

At 3:36, as soon as I started to say I was afraid the message wasn’t important enough, or that I wasn’t the right person to share it, I couldn’t even let those words come out of my mouth. Because I KNOW the message is needed, and I know I’m supposed to be on this path to share it. I could lie to myself about me, about not being good enough, but not even my deepest fears could trick me into doubting what I knew to my very core.

When it came to my “big why”—what’s driving me to do stretch in this direction in the first place (the undeniable drive and pull to pursue this path for the benefit of others), I completely, and naturally, shifted and turned a corner.

This reflects the spirit of the Sparrow in recognizing and honoring the divine desires of our hearts. (Ties in to the Crane as well—reaching outside of ourselves.)

 


Video #2—Already Feeling a TON Better!
10:18 A.M. 3 min. 16 sec.

I took this shortly after the first video, after I noticed how much better I was already feeling!

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

Further analysis of the efficacy of Video #1:

2—Sparrow: Unashamed About Who I Was in the Moment

I acknowledged and shared some of my pain and worry without shame. (Hello! Unshowered, no make-up, puffy post-bawling eyes mess!)

This is especially hard when we feel like we have to be completely put-together in the eyes of others—as a life coach and kung fu master, I definitely feel that pressure. While I believe we should put our best foot forward, there are times where we can do more for others by showing the other side of our picture as well.

3—Crane: Decision Time—Get Out of the Funk

I couldn’t stay in that funk forever, and it had certainly been long enough. Against my own resistance, I decided to get out of my head and refocus on helping others.

4—Mantis: Take Immediate Action on an Opportunity

In this case, an opportunity popped into my head, “Why don’t you chronicle this process for your audience?” Oh yeah, I knew that was a crazy idea—so crazy it just might be worth it…

Not only was I taking action in the acute issue I was experiencing in the moment, but I was taking action toward my larger goal of sharing personal development methods and inspiration for others. How effective will this be? I have no idea, but it has been a unique and wonderful experience for me, and I hope something will be of value to you.

I immediately got my phone and positioned myself to be recorded via the camera mirroring thing where I can see myself mirrored back at me. But…

5—Tiger: Nothing is Going to Stop Me

I HATED the way I looked. There was NO WAY I was going through with this insanity. I threw the phone.

“Hello, circumstance trying to stop me. Welcome to the party.”

But I couldn’t quite let it go. The idea came to me for a reason, even if I don’t have a clue what that reason is.

After about 5 minutes of entertaining my feeling ugly and ashamed, I got the phone again and simply tried a different angle and moved the lens further away. I still didn’t like it, but I could live with it. I guess. I hit record and you saw the results in Video #1.

 


 Video #3—Truth Seeker
12:50 P.M. 6 min. 13 sec.

(I got a phone call as I was signing off, which abruptly stopped the recording.)

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

6—Sparrow: Self-Care

Made myself feel better on the outside as well by simply showering and doing my hair and makeup.

7—Mantis: Joyful JuJu Kit—Truth Seeker

Took action on another opportunity I had at my fingertips—happiness exercises from my Joyful JuJu Kit, created just for this purpose—to help lift you up when you are down.

In the Truth Seeker exercise, I laid out all of my fearful thoughts on the left side of my paper. On the right side, I addressed each item and replaced it with the real truth.

Examples directly from my list (the truth matches with its respective fear):

Fear:

  1. I’m not good enough
  2. I always fall short
  3. I have to do it alone
  4. No one will save me and I can’t save myself
  5. I should give up.

Truth:

  1. I am called to do this. I HAVE to do this. Therefore I must be good enough.
  2. I have done the best I can and am now becoming excellent.
  3. I have a TON of support to draw from.
  4. The whole point of it all is to LEARN to “save myself.” I am exactly on track and right where I should be.
  5. I should push through because everything I want and need is on the other side of my fear!

8—Monkey: Have Fun!

I took what started as a terrible day and did a crazy thing by videoing myself, plus I really enjoyed the fun activity I picked from my Funk to Fabulous list. :)

 



Video #4—Fine Art & Martha Stewart
4:18 P.M. 5 min. 14 sec.

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

9—Mantis: Joyful JuJu Kit—From Funk to Fabulous

Thoroughly enjoyed my Mary Engelbreit’s Home Companion magazine and some cuddly time with Charlie. (Ties in to the Sparrow, because time with my cat and the magazine are directly fulfilling to me, and the monkey because it’s fun, bright, and creative!) See my pick-me-up list here on Facebook.

10—Mantis: Accomplishment, the Cure for Depression

My sense of urgency soon kicked in and I couldn’t wait to get to work and get a ton done. It turned out to be a fully productive afternoon! (Ties in to the crane as well, in doing work that affects others and the tiger in charging head-on. In fact, none are mutually exclusive from the other, every truth and facet of our lives intertwine with every other truth and facet.)

 


Aftermath

Since then, I have had some wonderful experiences that really stood out as a result of my pushing through.

Some of my students helped man a booth I purchased to vend at a fair to benefit Sarah’s Home, a place for women and girls to safely recover from having been trafficked. I was able to get everything done I needed, even though I only got three hours of sleep before a 6-hour kung fu day! It was wonderful to have such great support, though, since I couldn’t man the booth myself due to the special breathing and meditation class I was teaching.

In that class, I had a specific moment of awareness that I was still resisting being seen, and I had to admit I truly don’t want anything to hold me back. That was when I knew without a doubt that I needed to share these videos.

Yesterday, I was interviewed by a journalist and PhD candidate who is doing a year of research on porn and human trafficking. I shared some things I’ve never told anyone before about parts of the abusive marriage I was in, specifically details on the extreme porn addiction he had and his sexual abuse and manipulation toward me. This was my first experience sharing some details that will inevitably come to light, and I was very well supported and can see even more clearly how my story will benefit others. (Visit 150Husbands.com to learn more about my memoir and get a copy.)

And last, but not least, I received a flood of appreciation sent to me, the kung fu school, my experiences, and my coaching. It was very humbling and made me feel so honored!

I would love to help you kick your own trash and jump all over your next goal, whether you’re in a rut, or just want some extra support to ensure you get there!

Please join me and others like you DESIGN YOUR EMPOWERED LIFE with Tanisha Martin, beginning in January.

 


BONUS 11—Monkey: I Love Art!

Here are the two art pieces I was talking about in Video #4, both my first ever completed portraits, which my clients loved!

First work with soft pastel ever:

Pastel Baby

First watercolor portrait:

Watercolor Couple

You can see more in my personal Facebook Art Commissions album.

I have gotten better since these two very first ever completed portraits, but now I don’t create much art anymore. One of my goals is to complete my next life and business foundation, then free up some hobby time so I can play with my art. :)

Employing a Nanny: Pretentious Luxury or Divine Empowerment?

Is employing a nanny an entitled luxury?

Would you do it if you could afford it? Would you feel guilty if you did?

I read this recently on Ali Brown’s Facebook Page:

It’s been a crazy few days here without any help (we lost our nanny… interviewing new ones now) and with Brett on the road! The twins seem to think it’s funny to fly off in different directions when I’m trying to round them up. By tomorrow I’m going to need my chiropractor, a massage, and a margarita… stat

Most people are supportive (“Enjoy the chaos, and remember this too shall pass. Rounding up toddlers is like herding cats!”), but some have been triggered, as evident by comments like:

You sound pretty entitled here – many women have it so much worse. You are usually very sensitive and intelligent with your posts…

I didn’t intend to start a huge discussion on the semantics of “nanny” vs “childcare”. I do admire you for being a successful business woman and having twins – you sure have a full plate. I just wanted you to realize that you DO have help – you have a loving husband, and enough money to pay for child care. Many, many women all over the world don’t have this luxury. And what you have is a luxury – in the true sense of the word. You are a lucky woman, and I wanted to remind you to be grateful. All of this being said, I hope you are okay, and I wish you only the best.

Not too vicious, but still clues into the mindset of those stuck in lack, and an opportunity for us to rise to abundance.

The Mindset Behind the Curtain

I’m not going to get into the mommy wars here, except to say, “Stop it.”

No, what seriously needs addressing here is the mindset behind the idea that having a nanny is an entitled luxury.

Why is struggling so revered, yet having a healthy relationship with your children, hiring quality help for them, blessing the lives affected by the nanny you hire, and enabling your positive reach in this world to be extended, condemned?

Some might say it comes down to the age-old answer, “They’re just jealous,” and actually, that is partially accurate. But deeper than that, this situation is part of the 5 Simple Shifts process we all go through when we grow.

Shift #4, in the spirit of the Tiger,  is to Face Fear, Adversity, and Challenges Head On. This is a critical part of our growth because EVERY time we commit to that growth, a challenge will come up to convince us to stay where we are.

In this example, we’re witnessing Ali’s challenge in the form of negative voices on a public forum. I don’t care how many years she has been in the public eye, that can’t be easy for her without some effort.

But we’re also witnessing the commenter’s challenge come up for her. I don’t know the woman who commented, but if I were coaching her, these are the first places we would look, as these are typical factors and reactions from those who haven’t raised their awareness and abundant mindset to this level, yet.

Coaching Ourselves through Similar Reactions

 

This is not about criticizing the commenter. It’s not about blame, shame, or guilt. This is about identifying the markers of lack and the programs that run us so we can raise our own awareness, grow our abundant mindset, and drastically improve our circumstances.

Let me break it down.

  • Her PROGRAMS are in control.
    Why does she feel that Ali’s childcare struggle is a luxury, and thus it is insensitive for Ali to discuss it publicly? She has been programmed to feel this way. Somewhere along the way, it has become the norm for her to struggle, and those who don’t appear to struggle (in this case with childcare and financially) are “entitled” and “insensitive.”
  • She doesn’t BELIEVE.
    She does not believe she can have what Ali has, thus she has to face her “reality” and to soften the blow, she has to deflect criticism and blame toward someone who does have those things.
  • She takes PRIDE IN THE STRUGGLE.
    She may even feel proud for the struggle she or others go through who do it without a nanny, or other help. This is not something to be boastful about. Should you celebrate your triumphs? Heck yeah. Does it serve you to be proud? Hell no. It’s nothing to brag about to continuously live in a struggling situation when your divine nature is calling your to more life and you are ignoring it. That pride is a way to deny your calling and stay justified in living in the struggle.

The answer? We would identify what the commenter really wants in her life and what is standing in her way. Whatever her hurdle is was triggered by Ali’s post, and made evident in the woman’s comment.

Adding in some perspective, it helps to realize Ali started from the beginning. She started with nothing, right where most of us were or are. She expanded her own awareness and created a life where she makes a difference in thousands of women’s lives. More than resisting her own growth and deflecting through criticism, it would serve the commenter to model after Ali, and see what it will take for her to improve her situation.

Empowerment is not a Luxury

The ability to hire a nanny is a result of empowerment. Empowerment is not pretentious. Empowerment is not a luxury.

Empowerment is available to everyone in a free country, and ANYONE can grow and take advantage of its near and broad blessings.

Through an aware mind, the commenter can make empowered choices for the betterment of her life and those around her. Whether that includes a nanny or not is completely up to her.