Tag Archives: choice

Is God in Charge or You?

Ah, the everlasting balancing act of making things happen in your life, and letting go and letting God.

(Or the Universe, or higher energy, etc.—I’m going to use “God” in most of this post, but feel free to substitute with your own personal beliefs.)

I’ve heard this popular saying many times in my life (and I’ve seen it, or something almost identical, attributed to St. Ignatius Loyola, St. Augustine, and Dave Ramsey, all within the first few results of a Google search…)

Pray like everything depends on God.
Work like it all depends on you.

Who is really in charge here?

Is it all in God’s hands and going to happen as He wills regardless?

Is it up to you to decipher His will and fulfill it?

Is it up to you to decide what you’re willing to go for then make it happen?

Some might simply say, “What’s the question here? It’s so obvious—we pray to know God’s will and ask for His help in gratitude, and then we go do all we can.”

And they’re right—it is that simple… in our minds…

But take a good, honest assessment of your experiences and results in life, and the way you approach that “pray and work” balance. Are you really doing everything you can, or when failure appears imminent, do you stop your efforts with comments like, “Oh, well. I guess that wasn’t God’s will after all.”?

Look, there is nothing wrong with recognizing a bad turn here and there, but it is an epidemic when so many of us end up using “God’s will” as an excuse to stop short of excellence, to stop short of our goals.

Your Unified Relationship with God

Some scriptures state that when you do what He says, His hands are tied, but when you don’t, you have no promise.

Others remind us the lily in the field takes no concern for its care, it just thrives where it is without worry as the sun and dew nourish it.

Yet others remind us of the great power of choice we have been divinely given in this life.

So how do these fit together in our daily lives to move us forward, following the ultimate Law of all—the Law of More Life?!

Regardless of your spiritual or religious affiliation, here’s the high truth in this concept:

Whether you believe God is fully in charge or not, you must get up and get it done.

Whether you believe you are on your own or not, you must trust in at least the natural Universe to respond to your efforts.

This goes back to the “Straight and Narrow” concept where what seems to be polar opposites dwell in perfect harmony within you.

Whether your beliefs relate to the natural Universe, God, higher energy, Source, quantum physics, or something else, you are completely responsible for your efforts and how you experience life, AND you can rely on that force outside of yourself to respond back to you with a mirror and expansion of what you put out there.

  1. Trust your inner desires, because if they are not dysfunctional, they are assuredly divine.
  2. Trust in your personal development work—grow to stop putting out there fear of what you don’t want to receive, and put more out there of what you do want to receive!
  3. Do let go and let God, in the sense that all of your efforts carry an open energy, as you watch for the clues and opportunities around you.
  4. Do work like it all depends on you. Create a sense of urgency to drive you forward, while keeping the energy open and non-restrictive so you can receive all that is available to you, which is everything the Universe is and has.

Find that straight and narrow place where those truths coexist in perfect harmony and go out and LIVE!

From there, you can do anything! You can pay your bills on time. You can stock your favorite food. You and your children can create magnificent experiences. You can bless way more people in your business and charity work.

Start here now, and start experiencing what is “there” right away.

Stop Doing it Alone

Seriously, stop.

(And I can say this because I am the queen of doing it alone, and I’m so done with that, as evident by my own resurgence through high-level coaching and speaking support.)

I guarantee finding that balance, moving forward, creating real change, and transforming your life to the next level of your greatness is so much harder alone than with the right support.

If you are serious about the next level you want to experience, then you are equally serious about being a part of the universal community of giving and receiving in order to achieve it!

Remember that what you put out there comes back to you. Everything naturally works together in this way for your benefit and for the benefit of those around you.

Here is one opportunity to get that level of support, and get the give and take flow moving:

For May 2017 (or until spots fill, whichever comes first) I am slashing my coaching prices as I launch my new S.E.L.F. (Self-Empowered Life Formula) Coaching Program.

Send me an email with “schedule a session” in the subject line to Support@TanishaMartin.com. I will respond to schedule a complimentary SELF-Discovery session to see how your self-love mindset and success-driven actions rate and where they are stuck, holding you back from having the time, money, or energy to excel to your next level and to love your life right now.

You can absolutely rely on God and the Universe, and you can absolutely trust yourself to do what it takes. You just have to really want it, and set yourself up for success!

(I can help you with both of those.)

You’ve got this!

Eliminate Unnecessary Burdens through Two Questions

I got 30,999 problems, but you won’t be one…

30,999 unread emails, that is…

I am (pretty) good at scanning through my inbox of newsletters and marketing for businesses I still want to receive, even if I rarely open them, to find and read your emails, but I am not good at deleting those newsletters/marketing emails when I’m done or not interested in even opening them!

Subpar Solution to Perfectionism

I used to be super stressed out by the number at the top. I’m a perfectionist who was so overwhelmed by the ideal, ended up living in subpar messes. It was like if I couldn’t do it to perfection, why try?
That’s not a great approach! I have been slowly over time letting go of perfectionist ideals, thus enabling myself to raise my levels to a “normal” standard of excellence. I’m still working on this in some areas, but overall it has been a wonderful process to get out of extremes and into the healthy zone.

Does it REALLY Matter?

In this email scenario—who really cares if there are thousands of emails in my inbox? Deleting them can feel like a burden lifted, but why feel like having them there is a burden in the first place?
We have enough burdens that really do need attention, to make every other little thing such a cause for stress!
 
I will take some down time watching a movie to mass-delete by sender (a handy feature!) but only because I want to, and not because I HAVE to. It’s no longer driving me crazy. Why should it?
 
There is something to be said for keeping perspective on what really does and does not matter.
 
I hope to take what I learned here in seeing more clearly, letting go, and keep improving my priorities elsewhere in my life to eliminate unnecessary burdens, so I can focus on what really does need attention!

Identifying Unnecessary Burdens

It only takes a clear-headed moment and honesty to identify what really does or does not matter. Ask yourself:
  • Is the actual thing hurting me (or someone else), or is it just my perception around that thing that is hurting me?
  • If I don’t handle/change/address this, what will happen?

Just stop for a second. Relax. Get a clear head and ask those two questions. Be ultra honest in your answers and watch unnecessary burdens drop like flies.

Unconditional Love For Everyone But You?

Why is it so easy to love our best friend, our child, or our pet unconditionally, but not ourselves?

When they are going through a hard time, we support them endlessly and we feel with such certainty they can get through it. We know without a doubt they are worth their own effort to overcome challenges, and we want nothing less than for them to look in the mirror and realize how amazing they are.

This is easy for us. This is “Being a Friend 101.” This is a no-brainer, and it comes from our heart naturally.

If it is so easy to see how much worth they have, why is it so hard for us to recognize that same self-worth for ourselves? I mean, we are in fact the most important person in our own lives. We are the center of our own Universe (look around you—everywhere you go, you are at the center). You must be pretty important, as you are the only one who has power over your own choices, your growth, your mood, and your life experiences. Your potential for the incredible is limitless, unless you have given that power away through your doubts, disbelief, and even just a slightly diminished self-worth.

Conditioning happens.

It is completely understandable that you can see such unlimited potential and unconditional worthiness in others, but not in yourself, because it’s not exactly your fault. We have all been conditioned with certain self-views from our childhood when we had no filter to reject messages that were harmful to us. The resulting programs operate in the background of our lives, in our subconscious mind, until we become aware and then consciously take steps to change them.

Some of that conditioning comes from these ideas or experiences many have had:

  • It’s better to give than to receive. (How can there be a giver without a receiver? How can someone else enjoy giving to us, if we don’t know how to truly receive?)
  • Lose yourself to find yourself. (We just never get back to the “find yourself” part…)
  • The constant message that fulfilling our own desires is selfish or bad. (Don’t get me started… this is so messed up.)

These messages may have come through those words, or through experiences, for example: exploring the world around you and being criticized by a parent (i.e. being scolded for tracking mud in the house after exploring nature, etc.)

Once those messages were received, they were automatically accepted, because we were too young to filter or judge those messages as true or harmful. Ever after, our subconscious mind’s job is to run the program and find continuing evidence of its truth.

There is hope!

 

As the Universe’s wisdom would have it, as adults, we have the opportunity to consciously find and recognize new evidence that supports a more serving message! We collect evidence that can’t be denied and we don’t stop this effort until the subconscious is satisfied and the program changes.

This is how change occurs. It begins from within and works in tandem with external changes, results, and evidence.

When it comes to self-worth, frankly, it’s terrifying to actually believe we are worthy of ultimate, unconditional love at a soul level, not just in your mind or even in your heart, but deep into every fiber, facet, and morsel of your being that you are worth unconditional love. It’s understandable why many make progress, but don’t feel like they ever really achieve that level of love for themselves.

But it doesn’t have to end there.

Love Yourself Challenge

The ability is already within you and the method is in this post—evidence. Choose to see, find, create the evidence that tells you you are worth unconditional love, and you will begin to embody that in every area of your life.

What difference would that make in your life? How much better would you feel? How much more energy would you have to give to your kids, your significant other, your work, your recreation?

I challenge you to love yourself first and foremost every moment of today, and then extend that to tomorrow and extend that again for at least a week. Just try it without holding back, and see how wonderful the results are!

Get there faster with support.

You don’t even have to do it alone. Positive body image expert Lynleigh Chamberlain and I are hosting a FREE call tonight to share with you the exact steps to take to accomplish this specifically around your physical self-view and beauty. (Bonus—the steps are the same for any area of self-worth!)

Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/loveyourbody

4 Keys to Learning to Trust Again

“Trust” has come up a lot lately, with clients, students, prospects, and with myself.

For example, one client recently had to face the fact she didn’t trust she could make major changes in her life, her health, her family, friend, and associate relationships, and in her business.

One student admitted she has a go-to response of skepticism and wondering what someone’s ulterior motive is.

One of my Periscope followers didn’t trust there could be a result other than failure if she tried to do something big, new, and powerful in her life.

Trust is “photobombing” my mind as I have some things going on in my life that are forcing me to face where I stand with it.

Does anyone not have trust issues? Has anyone not had their trust broken?

Romantic Trust Issues Are Like Every Other Trust Issue

Probably the biggest area for trust with me right now is with men and potential romantic interests.

A couple of months ago, I started receiving some male attention from about three people out of the blue in the same week. One I thought was platonic. One I thought was interested in me. One I had no idea if he was interested or not. It didn’t matter if I knew the motivation, just the idea that I was attracting new male attention of any kind was too much for me.

I literally laid in bed for two days depressed—I couldn’t handle the fear it evoked. Even with all of the personal development work I have done, it still got to me.

This is the power of broken trust when it is still lingering.

Remember, not that long ago, I was in a marriage with a guy who displayed multiple personality-type behavior—I quit counting at 150 personas, and one time he told me he was “more aware of it” than he let on, which means possibly HE, not some obscure personality sexually assaulted me, HE told me I was destroying him while in the next breath through another “personality” HE begged me to never give up on him, not to mention the other incidences which were already considered to have been done by the “main personality” anyway—he choked me, he cheated on me, he used me in humiliating scenarios in texts with other women, and he manipulated me.

…Until I had a major breakthrough and got out of that bizarre and twisted situation.

Even though I got out, the effects of having been there too long (even having been there at all) were in me. It was too late, I was going to have to deal with them. Some, like certain types of abuse triggers, didn’t even start coming up until more recently.

Since then, I’ve had a couple of relationships where I gained a renewed view of men, and learned a lot about myself. For one, I am capable of trusting.

The Desire to Trust vs. the Need to Justify the Pain

One of those relationships was with an amazing guy who treated me with great respect. Fights (really just disagreements and discussions) NEVER crossed lines, and I really appreciated rediscovering that not all men were abusive monsters.

Even so, after having been mistreated, cheated on and lied to so extensively, I periodically found myself wanting to sneak a peak at his phone so I could know for sure he was not acting inappropriately. I can honestly say, and he knows this as well, in my effort to be honest and transparent, that I never once gave in to that temptation. He never gave me any red flags. I had to trust that. He didn’t hide anything, he didn’t ever act suspicious, and he loved me.

While all of that helped tremendously, ultimately, my desire to have a healthy relationship built on trust was stronger than my need to have my pained past run the show. That right there is the hardest part and the first key.

Be Okay with Being Wrong

Do I know FOR SURE he didn’t do anything I would find questionable or inappropriate? No. But I have to trust in what I know of his character and how well he treated me, even if someday I find out I was wrong.

How can I be okay with that?

Because there is no other way.

This is the next key—be okay with being wrong. You can’t know everything. You have to trust. Trust your belief system, trust your business partners, trust your family and friends. Place trust where you need, and know that someday one (or more) of those may fail you, and be okay with that too.

Operate from the Empowered Place of “Choice”

Not too long ago, I attracted the attention of another man. This is coming up for me daily. His big thing is “being present” which is great, because it helps me take his lead and be more open and present as well. Every day I have to think about who I am, what I want, and eliminate the what ifs.

What if he’s manipulating me too? What if he’s got an ulterior motive? What if I’m stupid for trusting? What if? What if? What if?

I defer back to my desire to have something healthy and trust. I defer back to my peace with being wrong.

So, what if I do find out my fears are true? What if he is trying to manipulate me or does have an ulterior motive? What if I feel like an idiot for not catching on sooner?

Or what if it simply ends today with no explanation?

I don’t know what I don’t know. How can I? I am okay with that.

In any case, I can leave and deal with it. I’ll be sad for a minute then move on because I am approaching this from an empowered place of choice, rather than a needy place of trying to get him to fill a void within me.

If I want to be open to any healthy possibilities with him or anyone else, I have to trust. I have to trust my intuition, and the absence of red flags thus far. I have to be honest with myself if any concerns come up.

That’s trust in relationships, and the same exact keys apply in all other areas.

Trusting When Sales or MLMs are Involved

Just yesterday, an acquaintance on Facebook from high school messaged me with a link to an MLM (Multi-Level Marketing company) out of the blue.

How would you have reacted? Ignore it? Say, “No thanks, I’m not interested”? Roll your eyes and complain to other friends about the annoyances of people trying to sell you MLM products, services, and business opportunities?

I get it, my very first reaction was annoyed, but then I stepped back and thought, “No, she is a real person and so am I. I am going to treat her like a real person.” It only took an instant for that thought to come in and my decision to act on it changed everything within me on a dime. Already my own experience was better because I was suddenly not annoyed anymore. I made it about her and not me.

I was familiar with this particular MLM and I said something in all honestly to how I think it’s a great thing and cool for her to be spreading the word. We had a little conversation and she ended up asking me for tips, which surprised me. I told her I have a lot of tips for people trying to stretch and grow themselves and referred her to a free offering on my coaching web site, and when she noticed I am a DVSA survivor, she spoke up with gratitude about that as well.

In the end, I felt good that I attempted to live up to my purpose in life to bless others, even in the most basic sense of simply being kind.

A similar thing happened last week with another person. I had also reacted to her outreach person to person and ended up offering to interview her on Periscope since she’s local. I don’t know if she will take me up on that or not, but she is passionate about her product, its results and helping people, so that’s a great thing, right?! Of course it is.

My experience (see that—MY experience… we are each in control of how we experience circumstances, situations, and others) with people in MLMs is so much more pleasurable because I am being honest and treating them like real people. It takes the pressure off both of us.

I am not worried in the least about them “selling me” because, hey, we’re just having a conversation. I won’t buy or do anything I don’t want because I’m operating from that “empowered by choice” place, and I feel great, and they probably do to, having me not bring in preconceived notions (i.e. trust issues) about what they might be doing.

Start Learning to Trust Again

If you relate to these examples around trust or to the client, student, or follower examples from the opening, then set aside a little bit of time tonight.

Ask yourself these questions, then decide to embody the keys, summarized below.

  1. Why you are reacting this way?
  2. What benefit are you getting from not trusting?
    (Do not skip this one… no matter how awful something is, if we are continuing to allow it, it is because of some subconscious benefit to us, even if that benefit is something like “to keep me safe from getting hurt again” or “to keep me from success which is scarier to me than failure.”)
  3. What negative consequences are you experiencing from not trusting?
  4. Why you are willing to keep not trusting?
  5. What possibilities open up to you if you decide to trust?
    (Regardless of whether you later discover you were wrong.)

If you were really honest with yourself, I bet you discovered some insight you either didn’t know or wouldn’t admit prior to now. If not, ask yourself again or email me (Tanisha@TanishaMartin.com) to schedule a complimentary 15 minute session with me and I’ll help you raise your self-awareness.

Now what?

Take these keys to heart and reawaken your ability to trust:

  1. The desire to be healthy and trusting has to be stronger than the pain of the past.
  2. Be okay with being wrong.
  3. Operate from an empowered place of choice.
    (Rather than a place of needing to be filled. Rather than from a victim place of what others might do to you, whether break your heart or “try to sell” you.)
  4. Be honest with yourself.

If you are ready to really trust again, then this is the perfect time for you to get some extra support from me. My next Inner Circle coaching program starts soon, and you can still get the early bird rate. Check it out and register here: TanishaMartin.com/innercircle.

Reconnecting with Self – 1, Technology – 0

Confession time.

I have made a wonderful life for myself. I get to LIVE and WORK in the same fulfilling lifestyle practices that used to be “just a hobby.” I get to do Kung Fu, live it, teach it. I get to study Universal Law, live it, teach it.

But since experiencing and leaving my abusive marriage, dealing with the aftermath, and in the last year experiencing abuse triggers, and other challenges, I have developed a strong resistance to deeply connecting with myself.

Even though I teach and practice chi kung, Tai Chi, and other meditative practices regularly, I have subconsciously been careful to keep it towards the surface.

I have a hard time doing other activities that used to bring me so much fulfillment as well, like reading, creating art, and more.

This bothers me. I have noticed it, and have “wanted” to change it, but haven’t fully jumped in.

Even though this year I have started to revive my art in my down time and picked up a book every so often, my resistance has persisted, keeping me from truly getting back to that place of fully embracing and experiencing my deep self.

At the beginning and end of the day, the times in the past reserved for myself, to set my day up for success through meditation and gaining clarity, and the evening relaxation before a great night’s sleep, I might engage for a moment, then “save myself” from getting too connected with myself by turning to my Galaxy S4. I spent too much time checking email and my business and personal social media accounts, and playing logic and word games, which were easily “justified” because I have always enjoyed challenging my brain in that way in the past, but not at the expense of being one with myself and one with the Universe.

None of these activities are bad, but when I use them to avoid myself, it’s a big problem. Who can relate?

Not only have I been overusing technology, I have been completely aware that I have been doing to it avoid being present with myself.

…Until recently when my phone when on the fritz.

Technology Loses and I Win
(Thank You Universe!)

A couple of weeks ago, my Galaxy S4’s SIM card started disengaging, forcing me to restart my phone, and it became more and more of a problem. At the same time, my phone stopped charging, or would charge sporadically. I had to save my battery, so I could no longer use my phone to keep me away from myself.

So I took Napoleon Hill’s point to heart, where he mentions that opportunity often shows up as misfortune or temporary defeat. Yes, it seriously disrupts my business and ability to serve my clients to not have a fully functioning phone.

But my desire to fix my problem had grown. I had started making art again, and other activities, I just wasn’t consistent enough on a daily basis, so the Universe recognized my desire and gave me a little boost.

As I took steps, the Universe responded.

The first night without my phone, I was lost for a minute, but then in the spirit of fulfilling what I was asking of myself and the Universe, I got grounded. I gently climbed into bed, pulled my kitty close and just sat quietly, listening to the sound of the ceiling fan and Charlie’s purring.

After a few minutes of just “being,” I looked over at the dusty stack of books on the nightstand, and grabbed the top hardcover, a Christmas gift from a student last year. I had begun reading it right away last year and loved it! But couldn’t finish it due to that intense resistance to myself. I removed my bookmark and started over. Fresh. With my true self re-engaged.

Now I am a reading machine, just as I had been in years past! It’s never really about us changing, but about removing what isn’t us, and setting the real us free.

Between these amazing physical and Kindle books, spending more time reflecting and meditating, enjoying the outdoors, and knowing it is okay to reconnect, I am proving it is true. It’s a beautiful phase and one I hope never to lose again.

More Peace. More Productivity.

My experience, and similar experiences of some of my clients are the inspiration for the next Inner Circle group coaching program, where we create both greater self-connection and inner peace, while boosting our productivity in whatever responsibilities we have.

Peace often comes with thoughts of quiet, calm, and freedom, but we all too often let all of our responsibilities and stress about how we’re not as productive as we should be stop of for taking a moment to recharge so we actually can be more productive!

At the same time, the term “productivity” can bring a frantic visual to mind, due to its high energy requirement, so we don’t even really want it. We know we gotta, but we aren’t looking forward to it.

Enough is enough. We are going to take both of those aspects of life, and, as Bill Murray would say, “Kiss them on the neck,” and find that sweet spot where we’ve got both going on like a boss!

At the time of this posting, we’ve got an amazing pre-registration special, so go take a look at the program (it’s over the phone, so you can call in from anywhere!) and get in while the price is hot! TanishaMartin.com/innercircle