Tag Archives: belief

Powerless Victim to Powerful Woman

An Overworked, Underpaid Failure

I remember the days where I was completely lost in my previous graphic design business and as a third partner in another company which wasn’t turning a profit—in those days, I was dealing with my abusive marriage. During a period of several months when we were separated, I focused on work and was putting in anywhere from 8 to 16 hours a day, and making about 500 bucks a month. Seriously.

What was wrong? Oh so many things I’ve learned since then!

Here are some of the big factors keeping me down, broke, over-worked, and in a seemingly endless cycle of failed efforts:

  1. I was a victim to my lack of support, mentor-ship, and knowledge in how to create a successful business (much less two of them at the same time) from scratch.
  2. I was a victim to my hard-wired internal belief system, which told me I didn’t matter and I wasn’t worth money or love.
  3. I was a victim to my disbelief that I could make money as a designer, even though almost every single client absolutely loved what I provided for them.
  4. I was a victim to the other partners in the company and their own blocks and understanding. (By the way, they were both fantastic and skilled people—we were just all so green in the venture, it just wasn’t happening fast enough.)
  5. I was a victim to the mindset that there is never enough, and the economy determines my wealth.
  6. I was a victim to the praise of “hard work” rather than smart work.
  7. I was a victim to the rut I had gotten into where I had lost all sense of joy, adventure, peace of any kind, and hope. I had no idea what I could possibly enjoy again.
  8. I was a victim to my negative self-talk and bad feelings toward myself, keeping me in a downward spiral of self-fulfilling prophesy.
  9. I was a victim not only to the direct actions of my abusive husband, but also to the value I put onto my his behavior and words.
  10. I was a victim to the concept of putting others first, the “Law of Sacrifice,” and God’s healing to the unreasonable extent that I thought I was special in being the one who saw all of my ex’s sides and there were so many ways it seemed I was helping him. I valued “endure to the end” far too much.

Or I could just say—I was a victim!

30-Days from Decision to Breakthrough

Within a few years, after some improvement, a new business acquisition, and some more income, but still not quite enough, I finally came to the point that pushed me to challenge myself for a breakthrough. That’s a story for another time, but the crux of it was that I made a firm decision to find out if I could actually change my circumstances and within 30 days, everything changed!

I tripled my income (to an amount I had never made in a single month before!), and I was suddenly flooded with self-awareness and respect—for the first time I really knew that I mattered and had power in my life! All of that helped me make the decision to leave my husband once and for all (I was safe to do so) that same month.

There were several key elements that created my breakthrough, but the one that encompasses all the rest was that I decided to value this above everything else…

The amount of personal power you have in your life is directly proportionate to the amount of personal responsibility you are willing to take for everything in your life.

This doesn’t mean I’m to blame for everything (or anything, for that matter, and certainly not for the choices of other people!), but it did mean I was no longer willing to be a victim to anything, not another person, not external circumstances, not even myself.

It’s been an amazing journey since then, full of learning, expanding, growing, and I’ve been grateful for the opportunity to help others take their power back as well, through both my kung fu school and personal development coaching programs.

Just One Shift to Change Powerless to Power-FULL!

If you could make one magical shift today that would change your life, start taking personal responsibility for everything. (Again, I can’t iterate enough—it’s not about blame, shame, guilt, or fault, it’s about going from being powerless to powerful!)

If you have a result you don’t want, realize it’s up to you to change it. If there is something outside of your control, either find a new solution or change your reaction to it. There is always something you can take upon yourself to improve your situation!

 


 

Attn: Ladies who don’t want to be victims and do want to embrace their kick-ass life…

If you are a woman in the Colorado Springs area and you relate to or are intrigued by something in this post, I invite you to join me at our next Women’s SELF – Defense – Confidence – Love Workshop.

It’s more than a self-defense workshop, and more than a personal development course! Get more information and upcoming dates at KungFuColoradoSprings.com/self-defense.

Eyes to Seize Opportunity

My boyfriend and I bundled up for the chilly but bright Colorado morning trek down the road to Nancy Lewis Park.

Its year-round pond fountain, meditation garden, and landscaping are still thriving in the winter! (Though this photo was taken at the end of the summer.)

Nancy Lewis Park Fountain

Even though much of the pond was iced over, ducks and geese were still swimming or sliding about! Mallards quacked in anticipation as we opened our bag of corn and tossed some in the water, then onto the bank. Once they realized we were giving away treats, more rushed out of the water to greet us.

Across the concrete path was a large grassy field where a hundred more ducks and a several dozen geese were pecking the ground.

As we approached them, the group slowly migrated away.

We grabbed a handful of corn and tossed it in there direction where only the fringe ducks noticed and edged closer to us, while the rest kept eking away. What rebels! They were the only ones brave enough to see that we had far better food than the dirt they were digging into.

A few ducks, and zero geese ate a fabulous treat today.

Are You a Duck or a Goose?

I looked at my boyfriend and said, “Oh my gosh, this is just like people! We don’t see the opportunities for something better or more or easier or exciting—we won’t even see it when it’s right in front of us!”

If we won’t see it, then we can’t take it.

This is how important mindset is—being willing to SEE, being willing to BELIEVE. To KNOW that everything we need is here somewhere waiting in the form of an opportunity to be seized.

Are you going to stay stuck in your best, but often unfruitful efforts with beak to the ground, afraid of anything that comes along that you think is too big for you? Or are you going to keep your head up and rise to the occasion and simply take hold of the opportunity for growth and amazing fulfillment?

Do you look around at a hundred people next to you digging in the same dirt? Or do you look to the fringes where successful people are growing in ways they never imagined?

You can be and have the results of either—it’s 100% your choice!

I hope you will be that duck, that lucky duck!

2017 could be your year to do it bigger and better than ever before! Design Your Empowered Life with Tanisha Martin will support your focused, step-by-step growth in five key life areas for the first 90 days. Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/empoweredlife

P.S. I awesomely neglected to remove the Early Bird discount on time a week ago, so today is the last day to grab it at this incredible rate before it’s gone.

Why My Depression Gets to Win

I’ve Decided to Stop Fighting My Depression

Hi. My name is Tanisha and am a depress-a-holic.

I have said, and it’s true, I have largely overcome the depression and self-hatred that I somehow endured practically 24/7 from childhood until I was 28 years old. (I was told I had a chemical imbalance, ironically only a few short years after internally rolling my eyes at a high school classmate who said she had the same thing. Karma?)

Even though I have come a long way, I still have to watch myself daily, as it’s so easy for it to creep in and flatten me. My lows are just as low as in the past, with the wish that I could not only die, but stop existing in every way altogether. But my “normals” and highs are much higher and much more often.

In fact, my “normal” is indeed normal—it’s my general state of being, and it’s generally full of positivity, drive, and fun. That was a foreign concept when my “normal” meant depressed all the time.

Aren’t I too short for this ride?!

I generally claim that I’ve overcome depression because I have. But I thought that being an effective life coach and kung fu master and instructor meant that I could never be depressed and have such horrendous lows.

With that type of belief, you can imagine how much worse I felt about myself when I struggled with depression over the last two holiday weeks of 2014, when I had extra time off from kung fu classes, coaching appointment, or networking events. I planned to get a huge chunk of work done in my businesses, but instead spent most of my time crying in bed wasting time binge-watching Netflix. (Kind of like the Martha Stewart story I shared on a particularly hard day during this period, from which I rose up beautifully like a phoenix.)

Those two weeks were a massive roller coaster with some crazy awesome successes, but still littered with these intensely deep lows. Those successes included yet AGAIN breaking through my income ceiling in my belief system and in my literal results by topping both my biggest single day and week (in only 5 days!) of income generation. I did things that took me out of my comfort zone on some specific personal development areas I’ve been working on and had amazing experiences doing so. I made some health upgrades with so much ease, it was almost as simple as breathing. I mean things were (are still) really progressing well for me!

But the yo-yo back into the lows made me feel like “What the hell is wrong with me?!”

This is not normal for me. That down side is something from my past and the worst part about it was feeling like a hypocrite when I am all about empowerment, being happy, and living the live you love, but here I was hating myself again the next day.

Perfectionism Rears Its Ugly Wolf-in-Sheep’s-Clothing Head

Until I remembered that being a coach, kung fu master, and a person who loves herself and others never meant being perfect and never having lows. I remembered that my deep-feeling, analytical strengths come with the potential for hyper-sensitivity, over-self-evaluation, and heightened emotions most of the time. I would never give up those strengths that allow me to so effectively coach others and myself, and to bring people down to their wall-less core so they can communicate truth and needs to each other, and so many other benefits, for the freedom of never being depressed again.

And besides, I am not like I was my first 28 years—I can manage my depression. I normally do. I am normally everything I portray with my positive outlook and friendly and happy spirit. That is my normal. This is just a low I have to deal with sometimes (this one came with more consecutive days than usual), and it’s okay to be that way. In fact, it’s not just okay, it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful because it means my dreams and goals are bigger than they’ve ever been and that scares the little girl inside who is still getting used to the idea that I matter. It’s beautiful because I can love ALL of me, the best and the worst parts of me.

But here comes the coolest thing ever.

I read an article somewhere about some guy’s battle with depression and how he still managed to go to school and get a job and create some good things in his life. There was nothing really spectacular about this article, but it showed me what I needed in that moment—it reminded me of this truth as a metaphor for life…

When it’s time to go on stage, we do it even if we’re scared. We don’t have to eliminate the fear in order to perform on stage, we just need to do it regardless of how much fear we feel.

Our lives are our one stage production with no dress rehearsal, and we are living it even if we are depressed. If it’s okay for the actor or speaker to perform with fear underneath, then it’s okay for me to live with depression underneath.

The INSTANT I realized it was okay for me to be depressed and I didn’t have to “fight” it or hate myself for it, I wasn’t depressed anymore.

The moment I realized it was okay if depression won me over once in a while, 90% of the depression got knocked out of me, and a song came on that hit me just right with its empowering base and touching harmony that knocked the last 10% out of me. (It wasn’t even a song of hope or motivation, it was just a regular song with the right tones, vibrations, beats, and harmonies for me in that moment.)

I returned to my normal self-honoring and self-respecting place with ease. There was no pain or hard effort, just pure acceptance of either choice, which led to my ability to make the better choice. I didn’t even have to actually make the choice, I merely set my subconscious (which makes 99% of our choices for us anyway) up for success through my realization, and it responded with the best choice, and that was it.

The pressure and negativity was simply cleared away and what was left was the real me.

I spent the rest of the evening listening to a new empowering playlist for 2015 while organizing areas of my home, dancing on the stairs and being me.

Whether or not depression is “bad,” makes no difference to me at this point because it’s far more important for me to love myself through whatever I go through than to tell myself to “stop being bad,” which only makes me feel worse about myself and pushes me lower.

Besides, going through lows and feeling terrible isn’t bad. It is just part of each of our cycles, and we all go through them differently. Of course I don’t want my life to waste away sinking into a depression I can’t get out of, but when most of those low moments are riddled with self-beratement for being depressed in the first place—when that stops, the depression is free to stop as well.

Then what?

Um, hello?! Live the life you love, of course! What all of this is about in the first place. Growing and embracing our best selves.

I have two 30-day programs to jump start our goals as well as health & fitness in 2015! You haven’t done anything quite like these, and they are affordable for everyone! Click the image or title of each to learn more. Save $10 when you register for both programs!

Love Your Life 2015 KICKOFF
Love Your Life 2015 KICKOFF

and

Master Tanisha's 2015 HEALTH & FITNESS CHALLENGE
Master Tanisha’s 2015 HEALTH & FITNESS CHALLENGE

I can’t wait to have you in one or both of the programs! We are going to have a blast!

Until then, enjoy the roller coaster!

Rising Up: Raw, Unscripted, Uncut

It All Started When I Decided to Grow in a Big Way

They say, “New level, new devil.” Every time you have a breakthrough, you are thrust onto a new level, along with that comes greater awareness of what’s wonderful and what’s not so much… It doesn’t matter if you’re a single mom with two kids making minimum wage, or Ivanka Trump launching her new jewelry line, everyone struggles with stretching and growing. Both experience fear and anxiety over their next levels. I’m not comparing the level of consequences of failure in these two examples, but I am reminding us that what we go through is universal.

I am working on some things that I am not going to spell out yet, but suffice it to say it’s scary as hell for me—someone whose first 28 years were spent depressed and self-hating, someone who has lived in her car, someone who has been in an abusive marriage on many levels, and has made so many mistakes in the past I am still working on fixing some of them.

But I have also come to achieve so much. I have pulled myself up and become a 5th degree black belt Associate Master in Kung Fu, and I’ve helped women and men with their personal development through the kung fu school I now own and through my coaching practice.

No matter who or where I am, though, every time I stretch myself, a whole new can of worms opens up to try to stop me. As much as I wish it wasn’t so, this is actually to be expected. This is part of our subconscious’ job—to keep up safe and on familiar ground. And it’s our job to say, “Thank you, but no, thank you—I’m doing this anyway!”

Here’s where I was last Thursday morning. Actually this is a little after “where I was.” I was completely down, distraught, bawling my eyes out, alone, and unsure what the hell I’m doing. But I’ve been through that enough to know I can’t stay there. I resisted pulling myself out of my funk for a couple more hours, and while I still couldn’t imagine coming out of it at all, a thought popped into my head to make myself come out of it for you. For anyone who might be comforted or encouraged by watching my experience.

What follows are four videos taken throughout the day illustrating exactly how I kicked my own trash to get back to where I wanted to be emotionally and energetically to finish out the day strong. I’ll be analyzing my progress in terms of the 5 Simple Shifts to Live the Life You Love NOW.

The entire experience as well as the videos themselves are 100% raw, unscripted and uncut.

 


Video #1—Fear, Doubt, and Worry
10:03 A.M. 6 min. 3 sec.

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

1—Sparrow: Truth and my BIG WHY

I didn’t catch this moment of pure gold until I watched the videos later. I was describing why I was upset, albeit vaguely, but notice where a CLEAR shift occurred…

At 3:36, as soon as I started to say I was afraid the message wasn’t important enough, or that I wasn’t the right person to share it, I couldn’t even let those words come out of my mouth. Because I KNOW the message is needed, and I know I’m supposed to be on this path to share it. I could lie to myself about me, about not being good enough, but not even my deepest fears could trick me into doubting what I knew to my very core.

When it came to my “big why”—what’s driving me to do stretch in this direction in the first place (the undeniable drive and pull to pursue this path for the benefit of others), I completely, and naturally, shifted and turned a corner.

This reflects the spirit of the Sparrow in recognizing and honoring the divine desires of our hearts. (Ties in to the Crane as well—reaching outside of ourselves.)

 


Video #2—Already Feeling a TON Better!
10:18 A.M. 3 min. 16 sec.

I took this shortly after the first video, after I noticed how much better I was already feeling!

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

Further analysis of the efficacy of Video #1:

2—Sparrow: Unashamed About Who I Was in the Moment

I acknowledged and shared some of my pain and worry without shame. (Hello! Unshowered, no make-up, puffy post-bawling eyes mess!)

This is especially hard when we feel like we have to be completely put-together in the eyes of others—as a life coach and kung fu master, I definitely feel that pressure. While I believe we should put our best foot forward, there are times where we can do more for others by showing the other side of our picture as well.

3—Crane: Decision Time—Get Out of the Funk

I couldn’t stay in that funk forever, and it had certainly been long enough. Against my own resistance, I decided to get out of my head and refocus on helping others.

4—Mantis: Take Immediate Action on an Opportunity

In this case, an opportunity popped into my head, “Why don’t you chronicle this process for your audience?” Oh yeah, I knew that was a crazy idea—so crazy it just might be worth it…

Not only was I taking action in the acute issue I was experiencing in the moment, but I was taking action toward my larger goal of sharing personal development methods and inspiration for others. How effective will this be? I have no idea, but it has been a unique and wonderful experience for me, and I hope something will be of value to you.

I immediately got my phone and positioned myself to be recorded via the camera mirroring thing where I can see myself mirrored back at me. But…

5—Tiger: Nothing is Going to Stop Me

I HATED the way I looked. There was NO WAY I was going through with this insanity. I threw the phone.

“Hello, circumstance trying to stop me. Welcome to the party.”

But I couldn’t quite let it go. The idea came to me for a reason, even if I don’t have a clue what that reason is.

After about 5 minutes of entertaining my feeling ugly and ashamed, I got the phone again and simply tried a different angle and moved the lens further away. I still didn’t like it, but I could live with it. I guess. I hit record and you saw the results in Video #1.

 


 Video #3—Truth Seeker
12:50 P.M. 6 min. 13 sec.

(I got a phone call as I was signing off, which abruptly stopped the recording.)

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

6—Sparrow: Self-Care

Made myself feel better on the outside as well by simply showering and doing my hair and makeup.

7—Mantis: Joyful JuJu Kit—Truth Seeker

Took action on another opportunity I had at my fingertips—happiness exercises from my Joyful JuJu Kit, created just for this purpose—to help lift you up when you are down.

In the Truth Seeker exercise, I laid out all of my fearful thoughts on the left side of my paper. On the right side, I addressed each item and replaced it with the real truth.

Examples directly from my list (the truth matches with its respective fear):

Fear:

  1. I’m not good enough
  2. I always fall short
  3. I have to do it alone
  4. No one will save me and I can’t save myself
  5. I should give up.

Truth:

  1. I am called to do this. I HAVE to do this. Therefore I must be good enough.
  2. I have done the best I can and am now becoming excellent.
  3. I have a TON of support to draw from.
  4. The whole point of it all is to LEARN to “save myself.” I am exactly on track and right where I should be.
  5. I should push through because everything I want and need is on the other side of my fear!

8—Monkey: Have Fun!

I took what started as a terrible day and did a crazy thing by videoing myself, plus I really enjoyed the fun activity I picked from my Funk to Fabulous list. :)

 



Video #4—Fine Art & Martha Stewart
4:18 P.M. 5 min. 14 sec.

 

 

KEY TRANSFORMATION FACTORS

9—Mantis: Joyful JuJu Kit—From Funk to Fabulous

Thoroughly enjoyed my Mary Engelbreit’s Home Companion magazine and some cuddly time with Charlie. (Ties in to the Sparrow, because time with my cat and the magazine are directly fulfilling to me, and the monkey because it’s fun, bright, and creative!) See my pick-me-up list here on Facebook.

10—Mantis: Accomplishment, the Cure for Depression

My sense of urgency soon kicked in and I couldn’t wait to get to work and get a ton done. It turned out to be a fully productive afternoon! (Ties in to the crane as well, in doing work that affects others and the tiger in charging head-on. In fact, none are mutually exclusive from the other, every truth and facet of our lives intertwine with every other truth and facet.)

 


Aftermath

Since then, I have had some wonderful experiences that really stood out as a result of my pushing through.

Some of my students helped man a booth I purchased to vend at a fair to benefit Sarah’s Home, a place for women and girls to safely recover from having been trafficked. I was able to get everything done I needed, even though I only got three hours of sleep before a 6-hour kung fu day! It was wonderful to have such great support, though, since I couldn’t man the booth myself due to the special breathing and meditation class I was teaching.

In that class, I had a specific moment of awareness that I was still resisting being seen, and I had to admit I truly don’t want anything to hold me back. That was when I knew without a doubt that I needed to share these videos.

Yesterday, I was interviewed by a journalist and PhD candidate who is doing a year of research on porn and human trafficking. I shared some things I’ve never told anyone before about parts of the abusive marriage I was in, specifically details on the extreme porn addiction he had and his sexual abuse and manipulation toward me. This was my first experience sharing some details that will inevitably come to light, and I was very well supported and can see even more clearly how my story will benefit others. (Visit 150Husbands.com to learn more about my memoir and get a copy.)

And last, but not least, I received a flood of appreciation sent to me, the kung fu school, my experiences, and my coaching. It was very humbling and made me feel so honored!

I would love to help you kick your own trash and jump all over your next goal, whether you’re in a rut, or just want some extra support to ensure you get there!

Please join me and others like you DESIGN YOUR EMPOWERED LIFE with Tanisha Martin, beginning in January.

 


BONUS 11—Monkey: I Love Art!

Here are the two art pieces I was talking about in Video #4, both my first ever completed portraits, which my clients loved!

First work with soft pastel ever:

Pastel Baby

First watercolor portrait:

Watercolor Couple

You can see more in my personal Facebook Art Commissions album.

I have gotten better since these two very first ever completed portraits, but now I don’t create much art anymore. One of my goals is to complete my next life and business foundation, then free up some hobby time so I can play with my art. :)

Are You Robbing Yourself of Your Own Success?

Are You Committing this Common Mistake that is Robbing You of Your Own Success?

WomanTake a snapshot of your life right now. What does it look like? Are you completely satisfied with everything you ARE, HAVE, KNOW, BELIEVE, and DO?

If you said, “Yes,” I call BS. We should always be happy where we are, so in that regard—awesome! But we should never let that become complete satisfaction, because once we do, we have no reason to grow. And when we cease to grow, we decline.

If you said, “No,” then you are already in the zone for growth, so consider that a good thing!

While we are enjoying each present moment, let’s also look at the excitement of the next phase for us!

What would you like to see different? What would you like to see more of or less of in your life? Is this personal in nature or around your business? Narrow it down to one significant goal and laser focus on that.

With that in mind, let’s give you a step-up to make sure that you will move in that direction and achieve your goal. Here is a common mistake that is robbing you of your own success.

“But HOW? What’s the Path?”

HOW can I do it?

I haven’t been able to achieve this before, so why should I believe I can now?

I need to see the entire path before I will commit to this goal.

Your goals are new, often scary, and they stretch you outside your comfort zone. Inevitably you want to know how to get there, often before you’ll even decide to make the goal, but this is a mistake.

It’s a mistake because it’s not how the Universe works.

If you would have the entire path laid out for you, then you would have already experienced your goal and would already have that result in your life. Because it’s a new experience, there is no way for you to see the exact path. Some pieces and known avenues, sure, but not the entire path as it will work out for you.

At the same time, if you don’t make a firm 100% decision to achieve the goal, whose path you can’t fully see, the Universe has no reason to show you the path. It doesn’t need to respond to that line of desire if you haven’t decided on the goal in the first place, simply because you haven’t decided you are going to achieve that goal yet. You haven’t decided to do it, so you don’t need to know how to do it.

The only guaranteed way to see the path is to walk the path. As you move, the steps will become clear.

I can’t tell you why faith matters so much, I just know that it does.

Have faith that the NEXT STEP will be revealed to you as you seek it, and once you take it, you can seek the step after that. You will follow this again and again until you achieve your goal!

Take a look at your life, I bet you can find at least one instance, if not several, where you have experienced exercising faith to achieve a goal, which you were determined would 100% happen, and it did!

You know it comes down to your decision to make it happen regardless of whether or not you knew how in the first place, and all the pieces came together for you in spite of (and sometimes because of) any challenges along the way.

9 Ways to Score Big on Your Next Goal

For more support on your next goal, join me for a FREE teleclass where I will share 9 Ways to Score Big on Your Next Goal, happening Monday, December 1, 2014. Learn more and register here!