Category Archives: I LOVE ME! (Self-Care Tips)

Is God in Charge or You?

Ah, the everlasting balancing act of making things happen in your life, and letting go and letting God.

(Or the Universe, or higher energy, etc.—I’m going to use “God” in most of this post, but feel free to substitute with your own personal beliefs.)

I’ve heard this popular saying many times in my life (and I’ve seen it, or something almost identical, attributed to St. Ignatius Loyola, St. Augustine, and Dave Ramsey, all within the first few results of a Google search…)

Pray like everything depends on God.
Work like it all depends on you.

Who is really in charge here?

Is it all in God’s hands and going to happen as He wills regardless?

Is it up to you to decipher His will and fulfill it?

Is it up to you to decide what you’re willing to go for then make it happen?

Some might simply say, “What’s the question here? It’s so obvious—we pray to know God’s will and ask for His help in gratitude, and then we go do all we can.”

And they’re right—it is that simple… in our minds…

But take a good, honest assessment of your experiences and results in life, and the way you approach that “pray and work” balance. Are you really doing everything you can, or when failure appears imminent, do you stop your efforts with comments like, “Oh, well. I guess that wasn’t God’s will after all.”?

Look, there is nothing wrong with recognizing a bad turn here and there, but it is an epidemic when so many of us end up using “God’s will” as an excuse to stop short of excellence, to stop short of our goals.

Your Unified Relationship with God

Some scriptures state that when you do what He says, His hands are tied, but when you don’t, you have no promise.

Others remind us the lily in the field takes no concern for its care, it just thrives where it is without worry as the sun and dew nourish it.

Yet others remind us of the great power of choice we have been divinely given in this life.

So how do these fit together in our daily lives to move us forward, following the ultimate Law of all—the Law of More Life?!

Regardless of your spiritual or religious affiliation, here’s the high truth in this concept:

Whether you believe God is fully in charge or not, you must get up and get it done.

Whether you believe you are on your own or not, you must trust in at least the natural Universe to respond to your efforts.

This goes back to the “Straight and Narrow” concept where what seems to be polar opposites dwell in perfect harmony within you.

Whether your beliefs relate to the natural Universe, God, higher energy, Source, quantum physics, or something else, you are completely responsible for your efforts and how you experience life, AND you can rely on that force outside of yourself to respond back to you with a mirror and expansion of what you put out there.

  1. Trust your inner desires, because if they are not dysfunctional, they are assuredly divine.
  2. Trust in your personal development work—grow to stop putting out there fear of what you don’t want to receive, and put more out there of what you do want to receive!
  3. Do let go and let God, in the sense that all of your efforts carry an open energy, as you watch for the clues and opportunities around you.
  4. Do work like it all depends on you. Create a sense of urgency to drive you forward, while keeping the energy open and non-restrictive so you can receive all that is available to you, which is everything the Universe is and has.

Find that straight and narrow place where those truths coexist in perfect harmony and go out and LIVE!

From there, you can do anything! You can pay your bills on time. You can stock your favorite food. You and your children can create magnificent experiences. You can bless way more people in your business and charity work.

Start here now, and start experiencing what is “there” right away.

Stop Doing it Alone

Seriously, stop.

(And I can say this because I am the queen of doing it alone, and I’m so done with that, as evident by my own resurgence through high-level coaching and speaking support.)

I guarantee finding that balance, moving forward, creating real change, and transforming your life to the next level of your greatness is so much harder alone than with the right support.

If you are serious about the next level you want to experience, then you are equally serious about being a part of the universal community of giving and receiving in order to achieve it!

Remember that what you put out there comes back to you. Everything naturally works together in this way for your benefit and for the benefit of those around you.

Here is one opportunity to get that level of support, and get the give and take flow moving:

For May 2017 (or until spots fill, whichever comes first) I am slashing my coaching prices as I launch my new S.E.L.F. (Self-Empowered Life Formula) Coaching Program.

Send me an email with “schedule a session” in the subject line to Support@TanishaMartin.com. I will respond to schedule a complimentary SELF-Discovery session to see how your self-love mindset and success-driven actions rate and where they are stuck, holding you back from having the time, money, or energy to excel to your next level and to love your life right now.

You can absolutely rely on God and the Universe, and you can absolutely trust yourself to do what it takes. You just have to really want it, and set yourself up for success!

(I can help you with both of those.)

You’ve got this!

Why Forgiveness is No Longer for Me

I Forgave Myself

I forgave myself…

  • for not being as good a friend as I could have been, especially during times of their grief.
  • for getting into debt. Well almost. My plan was to fully forgive after I had finished paying off all of my debts.
  • for being socially awkward many times in my life, including a few recently that embarrassed me.
  • for taking too long writing and editing my memoir.
  • for not recognizing that I was in an abusive relationship, for putting him first to the detriment of myself, for staying way too long…

 

In fact, this major awakening around the concept of forgiveness I’m about to share started a few years ago, as I learned how the subconscious mind works, but really developed because there was a part in one of my book drafts where I made those exact self-forgiveness statements regarding my abusive marriage.

As I read that section again later, it occurred to me that other women who have been (or still were) in an abusive relationship might internalize those statements, and I absolutely did not want them to think that they needed forgiveness!

And if they didn’t need forgiveness, why did I

It became crystal clear in the context of having been a victim to a perpetrator abusing me, that I needed no forgiveness. What an absurd notion—to need forgiveness for the acts of another person?!

But what about the aspects that were my choice, such as staying with him when I knew I could have safely left. Those facets were at least partially attributed to his lies and manipulation, which convoluted my choice. However, regardless of whether my choice was absolutely clear in the big picture or twisted by circumstances, the answer is still obvious that still no forgiveness is needed.

Subconscious Programming and Awareness Levels Matter

I did exactly what I was programmed to do—sacrifice myself to be loved. In this case, that deep-seeded belief system showed up as my sacrificing myself for God’s bigger picture, for my husband to have a greater chance at healing and redemption.

Why would I need forgiveness for executing a hard-wired program that, in addition to being the filter through which we all process all of our life experiences, was (in theory and intent) completely in line with my religious upbringing?

No, I didn’t need forgiveness for my acting through my subconscious program (based on the fact that that is simply how humans function)! Nor did I need forgiveness for my then-level of awareness.

I didn’t need forgiveness any more than a child needs forgiveness for falling during her attempts to learn to walk.

Thus I have two solid reasons for not needing to forgive myself—I didn’t make his choices, he did, and my programming and awareness simply were what they were.

But what if I still felt like a stupid idiot? If so, I lean toward attempting to forgive myself anyway as a solution. I’m not going to go that direction, though, because the only reason to feel stupid is if I feel shame for what happened to me, shame for what he did, shame over my choices, or shame over any other aspect.

Judgment Creates Shame, Which Creates the Desire to Be Forgiven

 

Shame is merely me judging myself as being wrong.

While I would make different choices today, that is only because my awareness has expanded and I have grown as a person. It’s not because “I was wrong back then and I am right now.”

Without judgment of being wrong, there is no need for forgiveness.

Judgment leads to shame, which leads to suffering, which understandably can lead to the desire to forgive oneself (or others) in order to ease that suffering.

Most of us were taught through subtle (or not so subtle) messages that judgment is the overriding law of existence—live to be judged for it, so you better be good.

I submit that the truth is something better…

I submit that we exist to LIVE!

There are natural consequences to our beliefs, thoughts, and actions. There is no judgment attached those in nature or in the Universe.

If you are a jungle cat, you either hunt to eat or you don’t eat. You don’t worry about how stupid you were that your hunt yesterday failed. You just keep going until you succeed at filling your belly.

I propose we recognize the lack of judgment in nature and remove it from ourselves. I propose we stop forgiving ourselves altogether.

Removing judgment removes shame, which removes the need for forgiveness.

I’d far rather assess whether or not my life matches my divine desires, and assess if I am currently (or will be by achieving my desires and goals) harming myself or others. From those assessments, I can make result-based decisions—what serves me and others well and what doesn’t?

There is still evaluation and improvement, if one so desires, but it is all without judgment.

So much more can be done to improve ourselves when we are not caught up in judgment and shame!

Yes, forgiveness traditionally has helped with that shame, but how infinitely more effective is our joy if we remove the root cause of it in the first place?!

I propose that we love ourselves unconditionally. I propose that we see ourselves and others without judgment.

This open approach is even more complete and effective than forgiveness, because it eliminates the need for forgiveness and it is based in pure love.

I propose that we simply love.

The One True Straight and Narrow Path

For some, the term “Straight and Narrow Path” is a moral code.

I grew up in a religion that used the phrase to indicate that moral code, plus a collection of behaviors, rites, and rituals one must accomplish in order to receive exaltation.

Years ago, well before my traumatic but beautiful faith transition, I started to see a new meaning unfold.

As I took step after step into my own personal awareness journey, I started to connect on a deeper level with character attributes—where they served me, where they went too far, and where they didn’t go far enough.

If I was working on a new coaching program, kung fu skill, or speaking engagement, I had to infuse my own confidence into the project in order to keep pressing ahead rather than quitting at every whisper of my past screaming at me that “I can’t.”

If I took that confidence too far, it turned into arrogance, infused with ego, and stopped me from seeking valuable support or feedback.

If I remained humble, but remembered all of the proof in my life that I’m truly “less than the dust of the earth,” I slipped into self-doubt and depression.

I started to realize there is a perfect place where confidence without arrogance, and humility without depression coexist.

This is the Straight and Narrow Path to ultimate joy and love.

This is that perfect place of BEing within ourselves that serves us and others in the best possible way.

Amend this Common Dichotomy Immediately…

This Straight and Narrow applies to all of the vast dichotomys of life, however one stands out to me today as I see clients, students, and friends subconsciously use one beautifully true principle to squash an even more important truth—the value of their own self-love.

Serving others is a critical component of a fulfilling life, however, hands down, most people overvalue serving others and undervalue honoring themselves.

Regardless of how much they know and believe this principle intellectually, the real, tangible results in their life indicate they don’t actually believe it in their very being.

If you take an honest look at the evidence in your life and discover this is you, then it’s time to flip it on its head!

You MUST begin with the utmost love and respect for yourself in order to create the best you to give to others—the best energy, value, hope, friendliness, love, clarity of mind, and the list goes on.

There can be no other way to successfully render loving service but to begin with you. To attempt to forget yourself and begin with another person, is to destroy the order of existence, and to deny those you would serve of the very best of yourself.

Those in my Tai Chi classes will recognize the successful resolution of this dichotomy in the principle of the substantial vs. unsubstantial, as it relates to the anchor of your self-love feeding the ability to serve others as much as you would like.

Of course, do not restrict yourself in serving others until you feel fulfilled—it’s a symbiotic relationship, in which you’ll rapidly achieve your balance when you use both aspects to feed and uplift the other.

The Many Faces of the Straight and Narrow

What other character traits are valuable, but can easily contradict each other when taken too far or not far enough?

Here are some examples:

  • Confidence & Humility
  • Self-Love & Serving Others
  • Exuding Joy & Processing Grief
  • Living in Abundance & Budgeting Realistically
  • Being Actively Fit & Pampering/Resting/Recovering
  • Working IN Your Business & Working ON Your Business
  • Productive Drive & Relaxation

Which of these do you feel are on point? Which are struggles for you?

Are there others that come to mind?

It’s a lifelong process to establish and live fully in your One True Straight and Narrow path of balance for benefit of your own greater good and of those around you. Awareness is the first step, followed by a commitment to adjusting.

Though this doesn’t happen overnight, we will establish the foundation for your balanced Straight and Narrow Path with the next group or private coaching offering.

UPDATE:

For May 2017 (or until spots fill, whichever comes first) I am slashing my coaching prices as I launch my new S.E.L.F. (Self-Empowered Life Formula) Coaching Program.

Send me an email at Support@TanishaMartin.com to schedule a complimentary SELF-Discovery session to see how your self-love mindset and success-driven actions rate and where they are stuck, holding you back from having the time, money, or energy to excel to your next level and to love your life right now.

 

Four Words that Will Change Everything Part 2

Last time, here at Tanisha Martin blog, we reminisced on the iconic movie Pretty Woman and those four words that make all the difference, “Take care of you.” (Check it out here if you missed it.)

Look around yourself for a moment and notice… No matter where you go or what you do, you are and have always been the center of your Universe. Of course everyone else’s world doesn’t revolve around you, but yours does! (And should.)

When we choose to accept the responsibility for being the center of our Universe, we choose to take in the beauty and appreciate it as well as ourselves for manifesting and recognizing that beauty. We also choose to evaluate and handle the challenges that come our way from the governing paradigm that it’s up to us to understand why we manifest them and find new solutions for desired results.

When we take responsibility for creating and embracing both the positive as well as the challenging, we complete the circle of power in our lives, and are able to manage and accomplish everything that is truly needed, and so much more!

Every client I’ve worked with for a variety of personal and business-related issues, had to first look at where they were or were not honoring themselves, and whether they were operating from a place of being a powerless victim or an empowered driving force in their lives.

Case Study: Opening up a maxed-out business to bring in $2000+ more a month.

One client of mine had built a thriving accounting business she ran solopreneur-style, and she wanted to add a new client that would bring in a couple thousand dollars more a month, but she was absolutely tapped out in time and energy.

We started by evaluating her mindset and identifying where she was or was not honoring herself in her personal and work life. To build a positive foundation, I had her start a Daily Fulfillment Ritual (all my clients have to do this, it’s that influential!), which varies per client and for her meant taking some quiet time to read her Bible and activate her love and spirituality for the day. This put her in the zone of being positive, open, and fulfilled each and every day.

Then we looked at some issues that were getting in the way of her productivity physically and emotionally. She established personal and professional boundaries and enforced them, which kept her from being a victim to others’ actions and put her back in the drivers’ seat.

She also adjusted her diet and exercise and started shedding some extra weight which gave her more energy and confidence.

From this healthy and improved self-honoring foundation, we then took practical action steps to create a smooth system for doing client work and open up space for the new client.

And every time her non-serving subconscious programs or limiting belief systems reared their ugly heads as she stretched out of her comfort zone to accomplish the truly amazing, I was there to help her get out of the muck and step back into her greatness.

My client set her goal, made the changes necessary, and was ready to add the new business and a couple more thousand dollars in income per month within a very short time!

It all stems from that core foundation of self-love and honoring, and flows out into the day-to-day actions.

Take Care of You

If you are ready to experience something like this in your own life without the struggle of endless trial and error to figure it out on your own, I have a few private coaching slots available right now at a special end-of-year Bust-the-Finish-Line rate and it also includes my new Design Your Empowered Life Platinum program (beginning January 10, 2017) as a FREE BONUS!

Email me at Tanisha@TanishaMartin.com or call (719) 377-2108 to schedule a complimentary, no-obligation Discovery Session to see if private coaching and Design Your Empowered Life is a good fit for you!

Four Words that Will Change Everything Part 1

When you were first dazzled by the modern Cinderella story in Pretty Woman as Vivian emerged from her dark and uncertain life to become a lady in love and temporally cared for, did the vision of triumphant love and authenticity end with the credits when you left the theater?

Were you stuck on the saving actions of Edward? How he saved her from her tough life, even if you recognized she saved him as well?

Or did you realize that it was her story and as her story, it was all about her saving herself?

It wasn’t Edward. It was Vivian.

It’s never the external that saves us, though as influential factors they are greatly appreciated. The external isn’t the cause of our plight or out saving, it’s the result. Our experiences with the external circumstances are the result.

The result of what?

Of us. Of our lessons to be learned, our view points, and most significantly, the result our internal programming and mindset.

When the change happens, when our lives turn around, when that miracle comes through, it’s always because of us. Because we were ready to change, to bring our true authentic self forward, to breakthrough, stretch, and grow, even if it scares the sh!t out of us.

We take in the support, the assistance, the divine guidance. We use those, and in the end, it works out because of us. Because of four little words Kit and Vivian told each other every time they went to work.

“Take care of you.”


This is the foundation of my new program, Design Your Empowered Life, where beauty and miracles infuse your individual goals and desires in your daily life as well as long-term goals. Confidence, energy, time, finances, and all that is necessary for joyful living are yours when you empower yourself with what you need and want. Take care of you and learn more here.

Hurry, because today (Friday, 10/14/16) is the last day for the special HelpFindKelsie.com discount.