Category Archives: Mindset is FIRST (Universal Law / Personal Development)

Powerless Victim to Powerful Woman

An Overworked, Underpaid Failure

I remember the days where I was completely lost in my previous graphic design business and as a third partner in another company which wasn’t turning a profit—in those days, I was dealing with my abusive marriage. During a period of several months when we were separated, I focused on work and was putting in anywhere from 8 to 16 hours a day, and making about 500 bucks a month. Seriously.

What was wrong? Oh so many things I’ve learned since then!

Here are some of the big factors keeping me down, broke, over-worked, and in a seemingly endless cycle of failed efforts:

  1. I was a victim to my lack of support, mentor-ship, and knowledge in how to create a successful business (much less two of them at the same time) from scratch.
  2. I was a victim to my hard-wired internal belief system, which told me I didn’t matter and I wasn’t worth money or love.
  3. I was a victim to my disbelief that I could make money as a designer, even though almost every single client absolutely loved what I provided for them.
  4. I was a victim to the other partners in the company and their own blocks and understanding. (By the way, they were both fantastic and skilled people—we were just all so green in the venture, it just wasn’t happening fast enough.)
  5. I was a victim to the mindset that there is never enough, and the economy determines my wealth.
  6. I was a victim to the praise of “hard work” rather than smart work.
  7. I was a victim to the rut I had gotten into where I had lost all sense of joy, adventure, peace of any kind, and hope. I had no idea what I could possibly enjoy again.
  8. I was a victim to my negative self-talk and bad feelings toward myself, keeping me in a downward spiral of self-fulfilling prophesy.
  9. I was a victim not only to the direct actions of my abusive husband, but also to the value I put onto my his behavior and words.
  10. I was a victim to the concept of putting others first, the “Law of Sacrifice,” and God’s healing to the unreasonable extent that I thought I was special in being the one who saw all of my ex’s sides and there were so many ways it seemed I was helping him. I valued “endure to the end” far too much.

Or I could just say—I was a victim!

30-Days from Decision to Breakthrough

Within a few years, after some improvement, a new business acquisition, and some more income, but still not quite enough, I finally came to the point that pushed me to challenge myself for a breakthrough. That’s a story for another time, but the crux of it was that I made a firm decision to find out if I could actually change my circumstances and within 30 days, everything changed!

I tripled my income (to an amount I had never made in a single month before!), and I was suddenly flooded with self-awareness and respect—for the first time I really knew that I mattered and had power in my life! All of that helped me make the decision to leave my husband once and for all (I was safe to do so) that same month.

There were several key elements that created my breakthrough, but the one that encompasses all the rest was that I decided to value this above everything else…

The amount of personal power you have in your life is directly proportionate to the amount of personal responsibility you are willing to take for everything in your life.

This doesn’t mean I’m to blame for everything (or anything, for that matter, and certainly not for the choices of other people!), but it did mean I was no longer willing to be a victim to anything, not another person, not external circumstances, not even myself.

It’s been an amazing journey since then, full of learning, expanding, growing, and I’ve been grateful for the opportunity to help others take their power back as well, through both my kung fu school and personal development coaching programs.

Just One Shift to Change Powerless to Power-FULL!

If you could make one magical shift today that would change your life, start taking personal responsibility for everything. (Again, I can’t iterate enough—it’s not about blame, shame, guilt, or fault, it’s about going from being powerless to powerful!)

If you have a result you don’t want, realize it’s up to you to change it. If there is something outside of your control, either find a new solution or change your reaction to it. There is always something you can take upon yourself to improve your situation!

 


 

Attn: Ladies who don’t want to be victims and do want to embrace their kick-ass life…

If you are a woman in the Colorado Springs area and you relate to or are intrigued by something in this post, I invite you to join me at our next Women’s SELF – Defense – Confidence – Love Workshop.

It’s more than a self-defense workshop, and more than a personal development course! Get more information and upcoming dates at KungFuColoradoSprings.com/self-defense.

Is God in Charge or You?

Ah, the everlasting balancing act of making things happen in your life, and letting go and letting God.

(Or the Universe, or higher energy, etc.—I’m going to use “God” in most of this post, but feel free to substitute with your own personal beliefs.)

I’ve heard this popular saying many times in my life (and I’ve seen it, or something almost identical, attributed to St. Ignatius Loyola, St. Augustine, and Dave Ramsey, all within the first few results of a Google search…)

Pray like everything depends on God.
Work like it all depends on you.

Who is really in charge here?

Is it all in God’s hands and going to happen as He wills regardless?

Is it up to you to decipher His will and fulfill it?

Is it up to you to decide what you’re willing to go for then make it happen?

Some might simply say, “What’s the question here? It’s so obvious—we pray to know God’s will and ask for His help in gratitude, and then we go do all we can.”

And they’re right—it is that simple… in our minds…

But take a good, honest assessment of your experiences and results in life, and the way you approach that “pray and work” balance. Are you really doing everything you can, or when failure appears imminent, do you stop your efforts with comments like, “Oh, well. I guess that wasn’t God’s will after all.”?

Look, there is nothing wrong with recognizing a bad turn here and there, but it is an epidemic when so many of us end up using “God’s will” as an excuse to stop short of excellence, to stop short of our goals.

Your Unified Relationship with God

Some scriptures state that when you do what He says, His hands are tied, but when you don’t, you have no promise.

Others remind us the lily in the field takes no concern for its care, it just thrives where it is without worry as the sun and dew nourish it.

Yet others remind us of the great power of choice we have been divinely given in this life.

So how do these fit together in our daily lives to move us forward, following the ultimate Law of all—the Law of More Life?!

Regardless of your spiritual or religious affiliation, here’s the high truth in this concept:

Whether you believe God is fully in charge or not, you must get up and get it done.

Whether you believe you are on your own or not, you must trust in at least the natural Universe to respond to your efforts.

This goes back to the “Straight and Narrow” concept where what seems to be polar opposites dwell in perfect harmony within you.

Whether your beliefs relate to the natural Universe, God, higher energy, Source, quantum physics, or something else, you are completely responsible for your efforts and how you experience life, AND you can rely on that force outside of yourself to respond back to you with a mirror and expansion of what you put out there.

  1. Trust your inner desires, because if they are not dysfunctional, they are assuredly divine.
  2. Trust in your personal development work—grow to stop putting out there fear of what you don’t want to receive, and put more out there of what you do want to receive!
  3. Do let go and let God, in the sense that all of your efforts carry an open energy, as you watch for the clues and opportunities around you.
  4. Do work like it all depends on you. Create a sense of urgency to drive you forward, while keeping the energy open and non-restrictive so you can receive all that is available to you, which is everything the Universe is and has.

Find that straight and narrow place where those truths coexist in perfect harmony and go out and LIVE!

From there, you can do anything! You can pay your bills on time. You can stock your favorite food. You and your children can create magnificent experiences. You can bless way more people in your business and charity work.

Start here now, and start experiencing what is “there” right away.

Stop Doing it Alone

Seriously, stop.

(And I can say this because I am the queen of doing it alone, and I’m so done with that, as evident by my own resurgence through high-level coaching and speaking support.)

I guarantee finding that balance, moving forward, creating real change, and transforming your life to the next level of your greatness is so much harder alone than with the right support.

If you are serious about the next level you want to experience, then you are equally serious about being a part of the universal community of giving and receiving in order to achieve it!

Remember that what you put out there comes back to you. Everything naturally works together in this way for your benefit and for the benefit of those around you.

Here is one opportunity to get that level of support, and get the give and take flow moving:

For May 2017 (or until spots fill, whichever comes first) I am slashing my coaching prices as I launch my new S.E.L.F. (Self-Empowered Life Formula) Coaching Program.

Send me an email with “schedule a session” in the subject line to Support@TanishaMartin.com. I will respond to schedule a complimentary SELF-Discovery session to see how your self-love mindset and success-driven actions rate and where they are stuck, holding you back from having the time, money, or energy to excel to your next level and to love your life right now.

You can absolutely rely on God and the Universe, and you can absolutely trust yourself to do what it takes. You just have to really want it, and set yourself up for success!

(I can help you with both of those.)

You’ve got this!

Eyes to Seize Opportunity

My boyfriend and I bundled up for the chilly but bright Colorado morning trek down the road to Nancy Lewis Park.

Its year-round pond fountain, meditation garden, and landscaping are still thriving in the winter! (Though this photo was taken at the end of the summer.)

Nancy Lewis Park Fountain

Even though much of the pond was iced over, ducks and geese were still swimming or sliding about! Mallards quacked in anticipation as we opened our bag of corn and tossed some in the water, then onto the bank. Once they realized we were giving away treats, more rushed out of the water to greet us.

Across the concrete path was a large grassy field where a hundred more ducks and a several dozen geese were pecking the ground.

As we approached them, the group slowly migrated away.

We grabbed a handful of corn and tossed it in there direction where only the fringe ducks noticed and edged closer to us, while the rest kept eking away. What rebels! They were the only ones brave enough to see that we had far better food than the dirt they were digging into.

A few ducks, and zero geese ate a fabulous treat today.

Are You a Duck or a Goose?

I looked at my boyfriend and said, “Oh my gosh, this is just like people! We don’t see the opportunities for something better or more or easier or exciting—we won’t even see it when it’s right in front of us!”

If we won’t see it, then we can’t take it.

This is how important mindset is—being willing to SEE, being willing to BELIEVE. To KNOW that everything we need is here somewhere waiting in the form of an opportunity to be seized.

Are you going to stay stuck in your best, but often unfruitful efforts with beak to the ground, afraid of anything that comes along that you think is too big for you? Or are you going to keep your head up and rise to the occasion and simply take hold of the opportunity for growth and amazing fulfillment?

Do you look around at a hundred people next to you digging in the same dirt? Or do you look to the fringes where successful people are growing in ways they never imagined?

You can be and have the results of either—it’s 100% your choice!

I hope you will be that duck, that lucky duck!

2017 could be your year to do it bigger and better than ever before! Design Your Empowered Life with Tanisha Martin will support your focused, step-by-step growth in five key life areas for the first 90 days. Learn more and register here: TanishaMartin.com/empoweredlife

P.S. I awesomely neglected to remove the Early Bird discount on time a week ago, so today is the last day to grab it at this incredible rate before it’s gone.

The One True Straight and Narrow Path

For some, the term “Straight and Narrow Path” is a moral code.

I grew up in a religion that used the phrase to indicate that moral code, plus a collection of behaviors, rites, and rituals one must accomplish in order to receive exaltation.

Years ago, well before my traumatic but beautiful faith transition, I started to see a new meaning unfold.

As I took step after step into my own personal awareness journey, I started to connect on a deeper level with character attributes—where they served me, where they went too far, and where they didn’t go far enough.

If I was working on a new coaching program, kung fu skill, or speaking engagement, I had to infuse my own confidence into the project in order to keep pressing ahead rather than quitting at every whisper of my past screaming at me that “I can’t.”

If I took that confidence too far, it turned into arrogance, infused with ego, and stopped me from seeking valuable support or feedback.

If I remained humble, but remembered all of the proof in my life that I’m truly “less than the dust of the earth,” I slipped into self-doubt and depression.

I started to realize there is a perfect place where confidence without arrogance, and humility without depression coexist.

This is the Straight and Narrow Path to ultimate joy and love.

This is that perfect place of BEing within ourselves that serves us and others in the best possible way.

Amend this Common Dichotomy Immediately…

This Straight and Narrow applies to all of the vast dichotomys of life, however one stands out to me today as I see clients, students, and friends subconsciously use one beautifully true principle to squash an even more important truth—the value of their own self-love.

Serving others is a critical component of a fulfilling life, however, hands down, most people overvalue serving others and undervalue honoring themselves.

Regardless of how much they know and believe this principle intellectually, the real, tangible results in their life indicate they don’t actually believe it in their very being.

If you take an honest look at the evidence in your life and discover this is you, then it’s time to flip it on its head!

You MUST begin with the utmost love and respect for yourself in order to create the best you to give to others—the best energy, value, hope, friendliness, love, clarity of mind, and the list goes on.

There can be no other way to successfully render loving service but to begin with you. To attempt to forget yourself and begin with another person, is to destroy the order of existence, and to deny those you would serve of the very best of yourself.

Those in my Tai Chi classes will recognize the successful resolution of this dichotomy in the principle of the substantial vs. unsubstantial, as it relates to the anchor of your self-love feeding the ability to serve others as much as you would like.

Of course, do not restrict yourself in serving others until you feel fulfilled—it’s a symbiotic relationship, in which you’ll rapidly achieve your balance when you use both aspects to feed and uplift the other.

The Many Faces of the Straight and Narrow

What other character traits are valuable, but can easily contradict each other when taken too far or not far enough?

Here are some examples:

  • Confidence & Humility
  • Self-Love & Serving Others
  • Exuding Joy & Processing Grief
  • Living in Abundance & Budgeting Realistically
  • Being Actively Fit & Pampering/Resting/Recovering
  • Working IN Your Business & Working ON Your Business
  • Productive Drive & Relaxation

Which of these do you feel are on point? Which are struggles for you?

Are there others that come to mind?

It’s a lifelong process to establish and live fully in your One True Straight and Narrow path of balance for benefit of your own greater good and of those around you. Awareness is the first step, followed by a commitment to adjusting.

Though this doesn’t happen overnight, we will establish the foundation for your balanced Straight and Narrow Path with the next group or private coaching offering.

UPDATE:

For May 2017 (or until spots fill, whichever comes first) I am slashing my coaching prices as I launch my new S.E.L.F. (Self-Empowered Life Formula) Coaching Program.

Send me an email at Support@TanishaMartin.com to schedule a complimentary SELF-Discovery session to see how your self-love mindset and success-driven actions rate and where they are stuck, holding you back from having the time, money, or energy to excel to your next level and to love your life right now.

 

A Fulfilling Life? That’ll Be Four Hundred Anxieties Please

How the Hell Did I Get on a Lion?

Yesterday I hit one of these moments when I was full of anxiety, tears, and brick-wall-head-banging. And today I read this article in Inc. Magazine, The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship, quoted here:

Successful entrepreneurs achieve hero status in our culture. We idolize the Mark Zuckerbergs and the Elon Musks. And we celebrate the blazingly fast growth of the Inc. 500 companies. But many of those entrepreneurs… harbor secret demons: Before they made it big, they struggled through moments of near-debilitating anxiety and despair—times when it seemed everything might crumble.

Until recently, admitting such sentiments was taboo. Rather than showing vulnerability, business leaders have practiced what social psychiatrists call impression management—also known as “fake it till you make it.” Toby Thomas, CEO of EnSite Solutions (No. 188 on the Inc. 500), explains the phenomenon with his favorite analogy: a man riding a lion. “People look at him and think, ‘This guy’s really got it together! He’s brave!'” says Thomas. “And the man riding the lion is thinking, ‘How the hell did I get on a lion, and how do I keep from getting eaten?'”
I’m so happy this is becoming increasingly less taboo, and more authentically admitted as part of many people’s realities!

The growing pains of stretching outside of your comfort zone can be, and usually are, brutal. So why do we do it?

Because that’s where all the magic of an amazingly fulfilling life is.

We are not satisfied with mediocre. We thrive on experiencing things we never thought we could, and we live on the joy of helping others.

Watch a few of my encouraging thoughts in this short 3-minute video:

If you’ve hit one of those walls in the journey, remember you are not broken, “messed up,” stupid, or unworthy! Just the opposite—you are especially amazing because you are in the process of creating!

Take a moment and cry it out if you need, then get back at it like a Tiger until you break through the challenges and reach your dream.

Remember Your Big WHY

I hit a massive wall two years ago, not long after I started the memoir project at 150Husbands.com I mentioned in the video above. I was terrified to take it on and start talking about topics of abuse that would require me to be raw and open about my own domestic violence story.

I actually chronicled it in video and shared my progression throughout the day as I pulled myself up. It’s a long post, but you’ll see in the very first video the two moments when I couldn’t lie to myself or to you, as I suddenly reconnected to my big why.

Even as I was expressing fear and doubt, I couldn’t buy it when I knew I was drawn to this path. Remember why you chose your path, who you’re doing it for. If it’s big enough, bigger than yourself, then you will lay down your self-doubts and get back on the path.

Make Sure You Are Well-Supported

There is no need to do it alone. Get a weekly tip and power meditation in our pre-program calls for Design Your Empowered Life with Tanisha Martin—ease stress, stay positive, and get energized! Get in on it at TanishaMartin.com/empoweredlife.

If you would like some extra laser focused support to get you through your last hurdles of 2016, I have a couple slots open in my end-of-year blast private coaching special. See details here.